Am I too old for my girlfriend?

Question

I'm 29 and I recently got talking to a 19 year old girl at a bar. We got close over the last few weeks and the age difference has never come up. We have similar interests, Similar goals in life and we get on great.

However when I told my friends they REALLY had a go at me. Saying I was too old for 19 year old girls. I am really upset about this. I didn't think of her age at the time and I don't really see how its an issue. But maybe I've just become a dirty old man...

Your opinions please!

Answer 1

Don't be stupid. your still a kid yourself.

Answer 2

What is her relationship like with her father, her family? So long as she is not seeking to fulfill a need for a father figure or authority figure for security sake then I suppose it's worth giving it a go, but be forewarned...

Typically girls this age go through a lot of self realization over the next 5 to 8 years and discover a lot of wants, likes and dislikes they never knew they had.

If you think you can survive the inevitable weeding out process that her hormones are going to bring about in a short period of time, then go for it.

If you are both reasonable enough to calculate the future challenges that a 10 year age difference will bring then give it a try, but THINK before you leap.

Your time frame for having children (Being able to be an active father) will (might) narrow while her window is still wide open. She might want to wait longer than you can wait.

Your interests may be more different than you realize once you get past the heat of the initial relationship. How you see the world will be different owing to the world events that have shaped your opinion vs. hers.

When she is 30, you'll be 40. She could actually still be attracted to men in their late 20's while you are socially more comfortable with people in their 40's and 50's. Can she hold an adult conversation with your colleagues and friends without using the word, "like" in between every other word?

Will you be comfortable with your friends and colleagues belittling your relationship, thinking she's only into you for financial security and you're only into her for the sex?

These are all issues you will both have to address and agree upon an approach while dealing with them. Can you both do that and move forward? Then go for it. If not? Then don't even bother!

Personally, I say, "Hands off for another 5 years, then see if you still like her the same way---or if she still likes you!"

Answer 3

Its not that your too old, its that she's too young. It may seem that you guys would make a good couple, but the reality is your lives are very diffferent. I've seen a few of my guy friends date much younger girls (we're all 27-28.. and gfs were like 19)... and I'll tell ya, they all had their hearts broken cause those girls all came to a point where they weren't sure what they wanted anymore. What were your goals when you were 19? What are they now? People can change a lot at that age... even in a year!

If you really want to do this though... don't worry about your friends. The guys I knew got teased a lot, but it eventually wears off.... especially once they realize how much you like her. Hope everything works out for you!

Answer 4

You know, if you guys get along and have a lot in common I wouldn't worry about other peoples opinions. I've dated younger girls before (not a 10 year difference but close...) and 19 year old girls can be quite mature. Also, from my experiences I know how great it fells to go out with someone that young, with a fresh perspective of the world. It makes you feel like you're 19 again, and that's a great feeling. It may not last and it may not be the ideal situation for a long term thing but you're not a dirty old man and my advice to you is enjoy it while it lasts, cause it's a hell of a ride. Good Luck!

Answer 5

It's up to the two of you of course. If you two can live with the age difference (and of course the ridicule you may get from other people), then go for it. I personally was 19 years old when I married a 32 year old. That wasn't even the part that everyone found so amazingly bad. The fact that he was only ten years younger than my own mother was the real kick in the ***. But we did it because it was our decision and it was what we wanted. Granted, we are no longer together because we were entirely too different, but you two are apparently very similar and want very similar things. I say go for it, and let everyone else learn to deal with it on their own.

Answer 6

As long as the girl is actually 19 and mature, knows her own mind, and she knows that you are 29 I can't see any problem with it.
Sometimes, older guys like a younger woman because they find it easier to control her and feel superior to her-- If none of that kind of stuff is happening and you respect her, what difference does 10 years make?
Age differences matter more when you are younger (like if she were 14 and you were 24) Think how little difference it would make were she 70 and you 80--
Tell your friends that different things work for different people...we are all individuals.

Answer 7

My first question would be how a 19 year old can be at a bar when the drinking age (at least in the US) is 21? Anyhow, I think that your female friends probably would say you were too old, while your male friends would say you're one lucky man. If I were you, I'd check her driver's license (and not the fake ID she had to get into the bar) to make sure that she is 19 - a lot of guys have gone to jail because she says she's legal and she's really not. You should also offer to meet her parents so they (and she) can see you are sincere. Good luck...

Answer 8

Ten years would not be too big an age difference if she were older. I'm just concerned that if you're ready for long term commitment and have that expectation, you're going to get hurt. You're the same ages as my grandparents were when they got married, but back then women got married really young. These days you can probably expect her to want to shop around for another ten years or more. Of course most relationships don't last forever anyway, so you might as well enjoy the time you spend together. If it becomes serious, I hope you're understanding when she sooner or later needs to get away and have different life experiences.

Answer 9

I don't think you are too old for her. My husband is almost 11 years older than me. We started dating when I was 17. At the time, it didn't feel odd, and my parents didn't even disapprove (at least not of his age) but I don't think I'd want MY 17 year old daughter dating a 28 year old man. But if she's 19, that's fine. That's when I got MARRIED! She is old enough to think for herself...you aren't going to "lead her astray" or anything. You are both adults and age makes no difference.

There will be generational differences, like others have said...I always tease my husband that he's aged me 10 years, but he always tells me I make him feel young. He is only 7 years younger than my mother, which is weird, but not really...we are used to it and I think my husband ACTS younger. We've also had issues where my friends are SOOO different from his friends, because his friends are all older, and mine young, but we can deal with that. Love is all you need! Good Luck!

Answer 10

It's not impossible or terribly disgusting but there's a reason our culture frowns upon it: typically, if you both are at normal levels of maturity, you should be way too "grown up" for her. If she is 19 and you are 29 and you share the same goals, either she is way ahead or you are far behind. She should be looking at graduating college. You should be looking at buying a house. Once the excitement fades, it might become very real and obvious that you two are in different places in life.

Answer 11

Think about it this way- you may have the same interests now, but in a few years, the age difference can really change the relationship.

I personally think that too big of an age difference can lead to problems, but it works out for some people.