I have been dating a guy for about a month, I am pretty sure that he is not seeing anyone else and neither am I.... do we just evolve into boyfriend/ girlfriend or is the "talk" necessary? I hate to assume that we are exclusive. Help, I have been out of the dating scene for a while.
2007-01-15 08:02:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honestly, I think it always helps when both parties understands the relationship. If he's a decent sort of guy, he'd be open to discussing it. Sure it may be a little awkward bringing it up, but the real solution here is to try to figure out what the status of your relationship is, not to railroad it to one way or another.
I think the last thing a guy wants is to make a commitment before he's ready. I know from personal experience that if a girl I was dating brought up that conversation and I got the vibe that she really wanted a commitment before I was ready, it would make me nervous...and to be brutally honest, a few times it made me push them out of my life.
Again, I feel that it might be a good time to bring up the conversation, but only as a means to gauge where you both stand in the relationship. Even if you may not get an answer you want, or even expect, its important to know where this is going, and you won't know until you ask.
Good luck to you. I hope it works out :)
2007-01-15 08:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by allthree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL
I'm with ya! 36 years old. Married for 13 years until she had her second affair that I found out about. Filed for divorce in April of 2006 and have been separated, legally since. I met someone else in the meantime and had a passionate relationship, I mean we f'd like rabbits every time we had. It didn't matter where we were or what time it was. If there was an opportunity to get busy with it, we did. She was incredible. I don't know if she was so incredible because she was the only other woman I have been with in over 15 years other than my ex-wife, or she was just that darn good in bed. But anyway, she blew my mind. She was also someone that I felt emotionally connected to.
That's where I went wrong. I screwed up and "had the talk". I did it in a way that was non-confrontational. We were in the back seat of her SUV, sweating from about an hour and a half session of passion. It was November comming up on December and I wanted to know if we could spend New Years Eve together. So I said, you know New Years Eve is comming up soon, and I would love to spend it with you. She said, you're asking me out on a date? I said, well Yeah! We are dating aren't we? I mean I'm not seeing anyone else and I just assumed you weren't seeing anyone else either. She said, well it's too early to know if I have the girls (her daughters) on new years eve or if I can get a sitter. I'm like, that's why I'm asking now. So we might be able to plan it. She then said we'll see!
The next week, she said she just wants to be friends and we dont' need to see each other (sexually) again.
I mean, two days before, the day we were in the car. I get a text message from her that said. "Roses are red, violets are blue, if you only knew how I feel about you". Two days later, she just wants to be friends? WTF!
So the answer would be.... NO! I wouldn't initiate the talk "boyfriend/girlfriend" until they did. Just give him the signs that you are ready to committ. I am still twisted over her. I mean my cell phone bill was in excess of $500 bucks a month talking to her. Most of the time she called me, I didn't initiate the phone calls. I think the reality of it all hit her when I said (I'm not seeing other people), she was goign through a divorce just like me and didn't want to get involved with anyone else. BUT OMG! What we had was freekin beautiful. I mean really magical!
Ohh well, you never stop learning about relationships. Maybe it is that I just will never understand beautiful women!
2007-01-15 08:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go with the flow. Don't talk about it. If you are "dating" for a month (especially if you are intimate) you should assume you are a couple.
Don't worry about exclusivity unless you fall in love. Have fun.
2007-01-15 08:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by Havana Brown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about it during some quiet intimate moment
Just ask him if he is seeing anyone else besides you...
Tell him that you would like to make it an exclusive relationship.
2007-01-15 08:08:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the 'talk' is necessary.How would you feel if 6 months later you find out he is seeing someone else.He says to you 'but we made no commitments'!!You don't need to be heavy about it,say something like "I like you,but if anyone else asks me out,do I accept or tell them I am with someone" You will be able to tell how he feels by his reaction.From what you have said,it looks like you two are a couple.
2007-01-15 08:15:27 · answer #5 · answered by New Boots. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can sympathize with you - i've been out of the dating scene myself for awhile & always wrestle with a situation like your's - i would leave it alone - most guys don't like the "talk" - it freaks them out - if all is going well & you haven't had sex yet, just go with the flow & see what happens - stay happy & positive around him - i think it's better to let the guy initiate the talk, other wise if you do, they will feel pressured and may bolt.
2007-01-15 08:09:15 · answer #6 · answered by born_free_again 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and talk to him and find out if he wants committment from you. If he does then you will know you are officially a couple. But make sure there is committment on BOTH sides and this is what you both want. Good Luck
2007-01-15 08:08:07 · answer #7 · answered by Lace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should just ask him..that way you know just be like "hey i have a quick question for you that might be kinda silly but i've been curious.. i was just wondering if this was a exclusive relationship.. i mean i'm not seeing anyone else.. and was just wondering?"
something along those lines.. :)
2007-01-15 08:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no reason why you can not ask where he thinks your relationship is going and is he interested in a mutual exclusive relationship, do not waste your time with some one who is there for just the short time
2007-01-15 08:07:38 · answer #9 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES SWEETIE THE TALK IS NECESSARY, HE COULD AT ANY TIME TELL U THAT HE IS NOT YOUR MAN SO CONFIRM THIS WITH HIM AND THEN GO FROM THERE. A MONTH WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH TIME FOR ME I MEAN I WOULD WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER BUT IF YOU FEEL THAT THIS IS WHAT YALL NEED TO DO GO FOR IT AND GOOD LUCK
2007-01-15 08:11:30 · answer #10 · answered by LOVELYLADYLEO69 6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋