i was adopted and have never had a close realationship with my mum and dad,my dad never really wanted kids?

Question

and he is the same with his grankids now,he has drove a big wedge in my ralationship with my mum,now me and mum never get on,nothing will work not even telling her i love her.just alot of anger,now she has just been told she has cancer,and i feel so hurt and i dont no what to do next,i want to be there but my dad keeps winding her up making up lies so me and his grankids are never around,the way he always wanted it pls help

thaks very much 4 the advice,my dad has retired and i am his only son,he is only ever 1 sec away from my mum,my mum is the sort of lady who doesnt say sorry to anyone,very hard and thinks kids make up stories when really they are crying out 4 a bit of affection etc,my kids are my world and i hoped they would change for there gran kids,i no i sound bitter towards them but why does it have to happen all over again,thanks again its nice to here other peoples views

Answer 1

Boy, that's tough. My sister and I were adopted, but we didn't have that type of problem. I would try to set it up where you can meet up with your mom when you are absolutely sertain that your dad isn't going to be around. That way, there won't be any conflict with him. It seems like maybe he is jealous, and has allways been a little jealous of the attention that you got from your mother since he didn't want children and apparently she did, which is never healthy in any type of relationship. It's sad that he is still doing the same things now that you are grown, and especially between you and your mother and your children now that your mother is sick. Sometimes people just can't see past their own selfishness. When and if you are able to set up times to visit your mother when you are sure he won't be there, I wouldn't necessarily bring up this situation as I am sure it is a sore topic with her as well, but I would definitely let her know that you do love her and that you are there for her when she needs you regardless of what she may hear from anyone including your father, and that you want to see her often and your children do as well. Maybe you should also take your dad aside and tell him that you do not appreciate the fact that your mother is sick and that this is not the time for him to be treating you and your children this way and that while he may not want anything to do with you, he needs to suck it up for your mother's sake and get over himself for the time being. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Stand up to him.. Let him know that he doesnt have to like you or your kid but you want time to get to know your mom alittle more before it was too late... And remind him that what goes around comes around...
Growing up i didnt know my real father and really didnt want to, but after having kids i desided it was time.. My oldest is now 5 and it was a rocky road getting the relationship on good terms from all the pain in the past.. However it is smooth sailing now. we have become really close... I was not easy in the begining 4 years of hell.. Became a beautiful outcome..
If this is something you really want dont give up..
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Visit your Mom when you Dad is at work. It will take planning, but will be worth it. Let her know beforehand that you and your kids are coming. You need this time together without your Dad's selfish influence coloring all of her reactions. I would also suggest that neither you, nor your Mom, mention these visits to your Dad. What he doesn't know won't hurt him...or her...or you.

Answer 4

if you're wondering what to do, i'd say the best thing would be confront your dad about it. even if he didn't want kids, it's not right to tell you lies when ou really need him. and just try to be there as much as possible with your mom- surely he (your dad) won't keep you away at a time like this.

Answer 5

I am going thru the sam thing there are things you cannot change my parents are my real parents but that still dosent change the fact i moved out at 14 and gave up speaking to my father 3years ago

Answer 6

Do you love her? If you love you mom, than you should try to arrange a private visit between you and her. If you can't, have a talk with your dad: father to son. Forget that he never wanted kids. He has one, and he has no other choice but to treat his son like his son. Speak to him with confidence, and don't hold back. Yell if you need to get his attention.

Answer 7

Just hope and pray your mom sees the truth.Maybe she knows the truth but is scared of your Dad.That sucks that he is such a devil.Keep your head up dear.

Answer 8

oh what a state you are getting yourself into ,listen you go see your mum regardless what your dad says,just let her know you love her and you will be there for her no matter what, goodluck pal,i wish you all the bestxx

Answer 9

Try to meet her without your dad around and with her illness i think it is even more important to be by her side.

Answer 10

just go and see her whether he's there or not they adopted you because they love you...they would not have done that otherwise...you are not a child any more....forget what he says, if she is ill...just go and see her....and tell him to grow up and stop causing trouble....have you ever tried looking for your natural parents?