how do you cope with the death of your only parent left?

Question

i have a father but he doesnt love me so how do i deal with the death of my mother im only 15 and she was only 35 and she was my everthing. i cant talk to the rest of my family about it cuz there so oblivious to everything and im sick of trying to pretend that everting is ok and i can handle it when the truth is that i really cant..SO CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP
thank ♥

Answer 1

My mother died when I was 15 and she was only 42. I am now 19. She actually died on the day of her 42nd birthday. She had a disease and was bed-ridden by the time I was 12. My father is an alcoholic on a downward spiral so I know how you feel. I have 2 older sisters, but have never been close with them so I couldn't talk to them when my mom died and to this day talking about my mother's passing is hard for us to do. Death is something you don't really "get over," but learn to cope with. The best thing to do is acknowledge your feelings. It took me about 3 months before I was laughing and smiling at things and it's totally ok to be that way for a while, as long as you can embrace the fact that you can go on with your life no matter how hard it is to get to that point again. I felt like a huge part of me died along with my mom and it's perfectly ok to feel like that, especially with how much she meant to you. I felt like I was just going through the motions of school and life and friends. None of it meant anything to me, I just knew I had to do it. My mother meant everything to me because of the strength she had in living with Multiple Sclerosis so when she died, I felt like the world should have been put on pause to recognize the fact that this happened to me and my family and I wanted the whole world to see my anguish. Don't ignore anything that you're feeling. If you want to stay in your room crying all night, do it. Just realize that you have to be brave as well. I felt I had to pretend like everything was ok in front of my family too, but behind closed doors it was a totally different story. Have faith even though it feels like the most unfair thing in the world. You're going through one of the hardest things people go through in their lives at such a young age, just like me. But I promise you that over time, you will come out a stronger person that is more mature and people will see that in you. Your mother is with God now, in a better place where there is constant bliss and eternal happiness, but it's also ok if you feel angry with her for dying. You're going to experience pretty much every feeling there is to experience, but you can and will get through it. It's utter hopelessness, but no matter how much of your inner strength you feel like you're losing, it will come back over time. I think about my mother every single day and am somewhat relieved that she is no longer in any pain and is still watching my sisters and I grow up even though she can't physically be here. Write about it, listen to music that will make you cry your eyes out if you feel the need, but you will see that everything will be ok for you in the future.

Answer 2

Check with the hospital for counciling groups you may be able to get involved with. When my mom was dieing someone gave me a book to read "Death and Dying". Some people need books, some need people or group therapy, some work better with religious counceling. The only thing you can do right now is to see your mom through her last days on this earth. There is no preparing you for the loss. You don't stop loving them a little bit each day to get ready for it. It's going to hurt and be painful. Tell her you love her, tell her how much she has meant to you, and then finally give her permission to go when it's time. Some times people linger in coma like stages waiting for the family to tell them it's ok to go. My mom did. The doctor finally told us we had to tell her it was ok to go. She passed a few hours later but we each took our time with her and said what we needed to say. If it will help you can e-mail me through this situation and I'll answer you back. Maybe venting to a stranger will help out? If so feel free. I'm sorry for what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Answer 3

Hi,
So sorry for your loss. Is there a counsellor at your school you could talk to? Or even a teacher that you trust. They would be able to point you in the right direction. They could probably help with getting you into grief counselling or finding a support group with other people going through something similar. You're right though , pretending that everything is ok is not a good thing. Someone at your place of worship (if you have one) could also help you (priest, rabbi, pastor etc) Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

sit down in your room and think quietly. no music, no tv, computer off. who is it in your life that you feel the closest to? an aunt, a teacher, a school counselor, a minister, an older friend, the parent of a friend, an older cousin, a friend of your mom's? anyone that you feel comfortable with is who you need to speak with.

losing a parent you are close to isn't easy at any age. i am so sorry that you've lost your mom at your young age.

reach out to you dad. he is probably grieving the only way he knows how. and for some people, they close down, verbally and physically. so, do try talking with him.

also, stop pretending. be yourself. if the rest of the family is"oblivious", you don't have to be. be you. always be you. you can be no one else. if they are uncomfortable with you being you, then that is their problem, not yours. and don't make it yours. everyone is so very different from one another. even in immediate families. the differences can be subtle or markedly different. each of us must adapt and be flexible for the other member of the family. we're not cookie cutter children.

so, think quietly about the name of the person you want to speak with. then call that person on the phone and ask if you may talk with him or her, face to face. tell them immediately that yhou need help dealing with yhour mom's death. that person will understand and help you all they can.

good luck and God bless you.

Answer 5

Sweetie, what a hard thing you are going through! Talk to a school counselor or another trusted adult. You need some help with a problem this big.

Here's a poem I use to help me when I'm sad about losing a loved one. I hope it helps you too.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
Author Unknown

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear about your mother. It is something hard to deal with at such a young age. I agree that you should seek help of a school counselor or maybe a teacher or someone you can trust to talk to. You father DOES love you!! Don't EVER think that he doesn't. You may be surprised to find out that he is not dealing with the loss of your mother well either. Ya never know, he may just be someone you can turn to to talk about it with and he may pour his heart out to you and you guys may become closer. I also think that you should find another family member (brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc) that you can talk to- your family may be oblivious to everything because you are acting like everything is ok to them. It is not easy to talk about death, especially of a parent- and especially at your age. Communication becomes easier (usually) as you get older.

-EA

Answer 7

I have a quote for you to remember in times like these...

"Tears are a gift of God to release the pain of inward grief ( the sorrows of your heart) so that it does not poisen us."
- Pastor James

Talk to a counselor they are well trained and know what you need.

God allows things to happen in your life for reasons, reasons that at this moment or not known but remember what doe not kill YOU only makes you STRONGER! Your life experiences mold you to who you are.
just because you are feeling negative and are going through a very negative moment does not mean you should be or feel negative turn your frown upside down and live up you experiences. Maybe later in life your experience can serve a positive in some other persons life, Be GOOD in all that you do, BE STRONG in all that you do, and Live to serve and help others, God will take care of you and send the right people to aid you in your time of need. If you are ALL good all you will attract is ALL good.
But Never hold in pain.Talk to some one its okay to be Human.

Answer 8

Oh sweetie how sad! I'm so sorry!

I would suggest, if you don't already, join a church. Often they are great means of support. Do you have a grandma, or aunts, or someone who can help you through this? You definitely need a support group of some sort. Talk to your counselor at school. He/she will have resources you could use. Good luck hon.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you at such a young age. You may want to go to your school councilor, it's free and confidential. Your dad does love you, he just has a hard time showing it. He may get mad at you at times but he still loves you. Keep your chin up, I know sometimes it's hard to do this, but it helps... if you need someone to talk to e-mail me, I have big ears and never juge. it's [e-mail]

Answer 10

AW Honey! Im sorry about your mom. My dad died when I was 19 and that was really hard. So, I can imagine that you are going thru a really hard time. You should talk to someone at school. And, I'm no counclor, but you can IM me and I'll listen.