Isn't forgiving, but not forgetting, contradictory in terms?

Question

This isn't about any one situation, but about human nature and/or religious values in general. Many times, I have heard people say, "I forgive, but won't forget". This is something I simply don't understand. In my view, if I can't forget something, then I simply can't forgive it, because I define forgiveness as wiping the slate clean and move on, in other words, you either forgive or you don't. There is no middle ground.

I would appreciate anyone's viewpoint and help me understand the term, because after nearly five decades on this earth, I still fail to understand such a notion.

Answer 1

I agree with you, I think the "I wont forget" is an excuse to hold on, "Just in case" we ever need it. Ya know? So we can call back up what has happened if need be and have an excuse for a wall of protection. Personally, I try to forget it if I forgive. Getting hurt is part of life.. people mess up all the time, including me.

Answer 2

Your definition of forgiveness is flawed. Forgiveness is not 'wiping the slate clean', forgiveness is accepting that the one that harmed you either was unaware of what they did or has accepted responsibility, made satisfactory restitution and has honestly resolved not to repeat the episode (or something similar).

An example of the the latter would be a business deal gone bad. After all is said and done, the injured party can forgive the damager in all respects but would be entirely justified never to enter into a business deal with that person again.

Thus forgiving without forgetting.

Answer 3

It really depends on what they mean. Most people mean they will not forget because they have not really forgiven. Sometimes a thing is too much to forget easily, but we can forgive and let go of the pain and suffering it brought.

But mostly forgiveness really means to forget. With God forgivenesss includes forgetting.

If we are genuine in our forgiveness then we should always let go of any resentment and anger with our forgiveness.

Answer 4

Here is my view on this:
You forgive and forget if the transgressor repents meaning that he did wrong and he means not to repeat it wilfully. This forgive and forget shows that you are showing attributes of the Most Merciful and the Most Compassionate Almighty God who forgives all sins when a human truly repents except the sin of making partners with the One and Only One God. God knows that humans have temptation and may transgress again but He will forgive again and again when a person truely repents in front of Him. Allah knows when someone is truely repentant and knows the human weaknesses.
The other saying 'to forgive but not to forget' means giving a transgressor a chance not to repeat otherwise there shall be consequences meaning that you will remember that you gave the transgressor a chance not to repeat his transgression.

Answer 5

It's possible to forgive and not forget. It's easier for a doer to forget what he/she did to another person. But not the other way round. I'll make you an example.

During the war for freedom in South Africa, white people were attacked. In some case these white people were not south Africans and not supporting apartheid. So in 1993 when the country was on the verge of democracy, a white woman was attacked in one of the cape town townships. It was later found that she was an exchange student who came to south Africa to help the oppressed township people.

The armed wing of the political party that killed her owned up. Her mother subsequently forgave the man and they currently run a big and successful Trust named after the deceased. She has forgiven the man, but not forgotten what happened to her daughter and who caused that.

For this remarkable story of forgiveness (and others) go to http://www.theforgivenessproject.com.

Once on it, go to stories and click second bottom thumbnail (Ginn Fourie & Letlapa Mphahele)

Answer 6

You are correct that forgiving means wiping the slate clean and starting over. It means not holding grudges and not holding onto anger towards the person.

It is ok to remember what the person did and to change your actions in the future acordingly.

Say that you told a friend a secret and that friend betrayed your trust and your friendship was damaged. You are to forgive your friend and restore your friendship, but you are under no obligation to tell that friend any further secrets.

Answer 7

No you forgive to stop the ill will, but you dont forget so that you can judge them on future behaviour by what you know they did in the past.

If you forget too you can be screwed up the same way again and again.

Check out game theory - who would have thought a mathematical puzzle could give us an objective guide to morality.

Answer 8

You're dead on it. When God forgives, He forgets. The transgression exists no more. We, however, don't have this ability (at least most of us). It is a constant struggle to forgive someone and then forgot what they did. I think it takes a lot of work to consistently grow closer to someone and let the past die. The only true answer is God's grace. With His help we can truly learn to honestly forgive, and honestly forget.

Answer 9

To forgive, mean that you are letting that person off the hook for making up for what they did. I.E., my best friend talks behind my back and tells a secret, i can be mad at her, and want her to apologize, and after she does, and I forgive her (or even if she doesn't, and i forgive her), i cant expect her to apologize anymore, or try to make it up to me. However, I shouldn't forget, because she dishonored my trust, therefore I need to be careful of what I tell her again. If I were to just forget, and I tell her a secret and it happens again, then I can't blame her so much as myself for trusting her again and forgetting so easily the way that she betrayed me.

Answer 10

To me I think that only God should forgive us for anything and everything. To forget is the hard part. Also if we completely forget we are setting ourselves up to be done the same way again. I love everyone on sight, but if someone hurts me really bad I call it my doberman on a lease. I don't get so close to them again that they can bite me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt them, they just don't matter to my life any more.