Living with boyfriend, with his drunk roommate, feeling stuck. What am I to do?

Question

I have already posted a question on this once and got a lot of great responses...but I have more information to add. This past weekend I went to my parents house for the weekend. I came back home to find a sink full of dishes, dirty kitchen counter, a messy bathroom, and a trash can almost overflowing. I feel as if its like "oh well she will clean it up just leave it for her." It takes 2 seconds to load a dishwasher! On top of that the roommate that I was telling you about....he is WAY behind in rent that he owes to my boyfriend and I bought a brand new thing of laundry detergent a week or so ago and it is GONE! Its like everytime I buy something whether it be food or whatever it is GONE! Also he started working thirds so he drinks in the mornings instead of at night now and he was drunk as a skunk today! And my bf says don't get mad at him! Should I say its me or him. He also wants to put our checking accts together and we are not even married. WHAT DO I DO?

Answer 1

i think you need to dish both of them because your boyfriend keeps justifying his friend is not a healthy relation****

Answer 2

If you have a car or your bedroom door locks keep your things be it snacks or laundry detergent there where it can be locked up and safe. You need to get this jerk OUT OF YOUR FRICKEN POCKET. Ignore the smell. If you can put up with the dirt for two weeks revolt and refuse to clean it. Eventually, even the thickest guy will get the point and clean it up. I've found if you take the garbage out of the can and leave it by the door even simpletons can't step over it forever and will take it out. As far as dishes go, if you have a dishwasher you may as well go ahead and load it. That seems a little petty. No it's not fair that it always be left to you but if you'd rather live in a clean, neat environment thems the breaks. If the lout keeps getting behind in the rent I'm sure your boyfriend will get tired eventually. Wait him out.The jerk is not your boyfriends fault, don't blame him or let this guy come between you to. Guys have an extremely hard time accepting when they make a mistake, it will take time for him to admit that he made a mistake in letting this guy become you guys roomate. I kind of have the same thing going on but its just me my boyfriend and his son. When I go visit my parents on the weekend, I buy paper plates, that way there's nothing waiting for me upon my return. Yeah its an added expenditure but its nothing compared to the cost of keeping my sanity.

P.S. Run-- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES do the checking account thing. I have seen WAY to many episodes of Judge Judy girl it never works out!! Run from TCF.

Answer 3

Omg, he needs to go. Period. He sounds like a squatter to me. And dont feel bad about it. People like that will never do anything for themselves as long as there is someone else (you) to do it for him. Desperation provides motivation. Just kick him out. Tell your boyfriend that if he cant take a living situation for a couple serious then hes not taking your relationship serious enough to have a joint checking acct. I mean come on! Its not you at all honey. You are not there to be a mommy for your bf's friend. You are there to have a relationship with your bf and this guy is getting in the way. Tell your bf he has to go or you will. If you guys cant share a home together happily dont even think about sharing your money. You'll need your money to fall back on if you bf wont take care of this mess. Dont be used!!

Answer 4

If you plan on staying w/ your boyfriend in a serious relationship,then yes I would say its either you or the friend.If the friend isn't doing anything but free loading why is he still there to begin w/?I would buy a lock for you bed room door and keep the food items that don't have to go in the fridge and your laundry soap and such locked in the room,that's just rude that people take advantage of you!Also hold off on the checking account until or if you two are married!Good Luck,girl!

Answer 5

sounds like you would only be swapping one set of undesirable situations for yet another. It also sounds like your boyfriend is making an attempt to grab an threat to cut back his prices, get loose sex and improve his residing situations all jointly. holding a loving courting isn't under no circumstances difficulty-free, notwithstanding it should not be this not difficulty-free for both social gathering. in my opinion, i'd bow out of the courting with this guy. it truly is not any longer a healthful one. believe your instincts. do not reduce your options to in trouble-free words both recommendations you've provided right here. they'd nicely be the in trouble-free words ones in concentration, yet there are others. search for suggestion from people. Ask round. per chance lease a room with an elderly couple. are you able to briefly flow in which includes your moms and dads? They sound like splendidly being concerned, strong and supportive people. What about searching out yet another roommate? some thing is more suitable constructive that what you've were given now.

Answer 6

It sounds like he wants all the benefits of a marriage without the commitment or hassle of actually getting married. However, he still wants to act like a fraternity boy and treat you like his maid. Honestly, I would not merge checking accounts with him because he might just be doing this in order to cover his friend's portion of the rent. He does these things and he knows that they upset you, but he is telling you not to pick on his poor drunken friend.

It sounds like this situation is only upsetting you and I suggest you move in with your parents for awhile. Tell your boyfriend when he is ready to grow up and stop defending his friend that he will know where to find you. However, I would not stay in this relationship because it sounds like he just wants a woman who will clean up after him and his friends. It may be hard to move back home, but that way at least you could save up some money to get your own place. I once lost this really great paying job and I had to move back home for a few months so I could find a new job and save up for a new apartment. I am sure if you are willing to explain this situation to your family they would be willing to let you stay with them until you can afford your own place. Best of luck and I think you will be much happier without this chaos in your life.

Answer 7

Well... I definitely WOULDN'T put our checking accounts together. This relationship doesn't stand a chance at working until the roommate goes. And... I would issue the ultimatum, either the roommate goes or I go. Your BF has to decide what's more important to him. The problem is not just yours, it's causing friction in your relationship, which means it is your problem and your BF problem. If your guy doesn't want to do anything about it, you sure can. IF you need to work two jobs to do it, then do it. You don't have to allow yourself to live like that.

Answer 8

I would go directly to the roommate and tell him how you feel. This is ridiculous that you even have to deal with this!! Tell the loser to get a life of his own and to get out of your house! I've been in a VERY similar situation to this and nothing changed until I blew up on the roommate. My boyfriend was mad at first, but then he realized how much better things when the roommate left. AND...keep your checking account to yourself....please don't make that mistake. Good luck...and stick to your guns!

Answer 9

You dont have to put up with that type of nonsense.His friend needs to leave, he's basically living off of you both. I wouldnt put my account with my boyfriend and he's letting your home be run over by a slob who doesnt pay rent. If he doesnt want you to get mad about his friend and deal with it, then why should you trust him with something so important as your money. You need to keep that separate until you get a husband. I think you need your own place for a while, and if that's not an option, talk to your boyfriend about getting rid of his roommate.

Answer 10

sounds like your b/f has different idea on living arrangement than you intended... You might ask him what he expects and tell him what you expect.. You have every right to be upset.. I wouldn't put up with it...If you b/f is agreeing with the roommates actions that not good....... I would not put you checking accounts together until your b/f showed more commitment especially if he is allowing all that to go on.. it would make me question my b/f character........ I hope you can work it out.... It looks like your b/f would be upset with him too, he's paying rent, buying food, laundry supplies too isn't he? Have you talked with the roommate?

Answer 11

Dear God, whatever you do, do not combine your checking accounts unless you want a heap of trouble. Your boyfriend sounds very immature. Whose name is on the lease? If you can, I would take your name off and cut your losses. There is not much you can do about the rommate except kick him out (if he is subletting), but I have the feeling that your boyfriend will disapprove. If you are just living there, I would tell your boyfriend that for your own sanity you need to live on your own. It's not a comment on your relationship, just the insane living situation. The longer you take care of them like children, the longer they will act that way.