I have always been a very independent person and have always told myself that I don't need anyone to be happy. Truth is though, I am at a point in my life where I'd like to find a special man to settle down with. I'm not good at letting people in and opening myself up to love though. Any advice to get over that? Thanks :)
2007-01-15 06:53:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi there - being an independent person it a great thing....you don't need anyone to be happy, this is true. I think you are saying you are at a point to where you want someone to share everything with...you are in the right mind frame...people always say that they need someone to complete them....and what they mean is they are ready to find the perfect companion to share all with - their mind, body, and inner most emotions and thoughts....use your independence in your favor - it will help you decide the right person to which it will be best to completley share yourself with....the process you are embarking upon will involve first knowing exactly what you are looking for in a relationship...keep those objectives to yourself (I say that because you have some men who will fly in under your radar if you reveal too much info - they need to possess the qualities you are looking for natrually instead of faking it!) as you meet guys, use that criteria to weed out potential undesireables, listen to your gut, and pay attention to obvious red flags (hopefully there will not be too many of those!) The best way to open yourself to love is allow yourself to feel...you are going to meet lots of guys...as they share things with you open your mind and really listen to what they say....about their families, friends, work, how they feel about commitment, hobbies...basically any facet that would comprise a life...it is almost like a job interview - ask questions in a appropriate manner (don't become too emotionally over charged - this will save you pain later - I know that advice seems to defeat your purpose, but hear me out) and by using this process you will find someone to whom you can really bond with - it will be the most natural (sp) thing ever....natural as breating....as you will have weeded out the rejects! The rest will be pretty easy.... and when you have your special one picked out, accept his gestures of love and bonding...his attempts to get to know you....don't take him prisoner...be gracious....allow room to love, grow, and for small mistakes.... and expect the same in return...open yourself up - don't second guess his sweetness - just accept it (don't be blind however) you will know in about 6 months to a year if he is good for the long haul....I guess I am saying opening yourself up and looking for a potential sweetheart is a process...it requires thought, and in the latter part of your choice of a sweetie, it requires that you not be unnessacarily suspicious and accept the attention and love he wants to lavish upon you....it dosne't require that you share your life story all at once....it only requires pointed questioning that a potential mate should have no problem answering, (ina coversational manner of course) and should do so truthfully if he really wants a chance....so get those dates lined up! Go out and meet guys - look gorgeous - smile and say hi....the guys will come a-courtin...and then you can start the process of picking your special someone while dating and having fun throughout the process.
2007-01-15 07:28:30 · answer #1 · answered by ST 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is first, figure out a few things that make you happy. And then while you are doing those things look around and see if anyone of interest is doing the same thing. Example do you like to go for walks in the park, do you like to exercise at the gym, window shop in the mall, read in the library....things like that. As you find something along those lines you may bump into someone who enjoys the same thing and from there try to develop a friendship. I have found from experience that if you are friends first the falling in love and getting to know each other things kinda fall into place. I myself had a hard time opening up and letting someone in and even trusting. But once you feel comfortable with that person it kinda goes away or becomes harder to not let them in. You find that it is much easier to talk to that person about anything and everything. But the best advice is take it slow. Spend lots of time talking and getting to know each others likes and dislikes because it is truly the little things that mean the absolutely most.
2007-01-15 15:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by chema129 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shelly, I'm with u babe. Letting someone inside that glass house is never easy. Especially if yo've ben hurt b4. The best thing to do is get out there and first off, find a guy who you can be best friends with. Open up, let him in as a friend first. don't get caught up in something physical at first. Take a chance. It's never fun to always stand on the inside looking out, step outside and let someone get to know the special person that you are. Good Luck!
2007-01-15 15:01:49 · answer #3 · answered by Voyager01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to open up for guys to see what a great person you are.Though its true guys find some independent women attractive....but they also like women that knows how to have fun and let them help you with small things...like pay for your dinner or take you out.Practice on being relaxed with guys buying things for you.Start dating, having fun..and stop thinking that a guy might feel like you need him because they can see you dont.
2007-01-15 15:01:17 · answer #4 · answered by lexydangle08 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well its all in wills. If you really want a special person to be with you have to give men a chance. Love is not need, its intense desire. Don't run at the first sign of abandonment, stay with it long enough to gain a bond with someone. The hard part is just finding someone.
2007-01-15 14:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by nitespector 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same prob my advice would be to open up to love a bit even though its tough to let any one in take a chance and go for it!
2007-01-15 15:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by lonely girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be friendly and talk to people who have your intrests..
There must be things you like to do, get out there and you are bound to see someone you can strike up a friendship with, and go from there
2007-01-15 15:02:34 · answer #7 · answered by Lorene 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"You can't stay in your corner of the forest, waiting for others to come to you; you have to go to them sometimes.
Winnie the Pooh"
Just take it one step at a time, and be yourself. Take time to get to know someone, and let them see who you really are.
2007-01-15 14:59:12 · answer #8 · answered by silje.1984 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand where ur coming from..email me if u like to chat
2007-01-15 15:02:20 · answer #9 · answered by KB 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just go out and be your selfand most of all have FUN
2007-01-15 14:58:58 · answer #10 · answered by Cat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋