How do I cope with my friends having babies?

Question

I hope this question doesn't sound rude but all of my friends are having babies, I'm literally the ONLY one who has no kids now and while I'm happy for them and their families...I feel myself pulling away from them. Before people call me jealous, please keep in mind that I am happily married and able to produce however, my husband and I are waiting until we are ready. How do I cope with all of these baby announcements and baby showers when we were all adjusting to being married? I really feel alone on this one and I don't want to tell my friends how I feel b/c it may break their hearts. Any advice?

Answer 1

I've been there,too. My hubby and I are not nearly as fertile as our friends and family! The thing is that they will soon be jealous of you and your freedom! My husband and I were able to do what we wanted when we wanted and spend money on the frivolous things that parents can't. plus you get to play with babies that aren't your own- great practice for later.

It will be hard to ignore the tug on your heartstrings everytime another friend goes through the baby thing. use this time to really bond with your husband- it will make all the difference when you are ready to start extending your family. Your friends that are rushing into parenthood will be missing out on so much. As my friends learned the hard way. Its hard to look back and realize that you will have to wait 18+ years to have your husband back for yourself alone! Plus the first few years of marriage are hard enough with out combining in the hard first few years of parenting.

Best Wishes and congrats on beling so level headed!!

Answer 2

I kind of know how you are feeling. About 90% of my friends are married & half have kids. I'm sitting here, still single, can't seem to find a good enough guy who'll stay longer than 4 months, & I don't have kids. It's a bit frustrating but at the same time I found a way to benefit from the situation. I don't shy away...I actually hang out w/ my friends quite a bit & help take care of their children, if they need it. I'll offer to feed the baby if the mom needs to eat herself or babysit if the parents want to go out on a date one night or whatever. Doing all that, in the long run, educates me more & more on how to handle certain situations when I have children of my own someday. Granted, not everything will go exactly that way but it's always an example. I already know I do not want to have children right away when I get married. Whatever you do, don't pull away. Be happy for them because the happiness & congrats will most definitely be returned to you when you & your husband decide to have children :-)

Answer 3

You know, they might understand better than you think. I know that being 21, married since 18, and pregnant with my second baby, I feel that I've lost some of my single friends, because we have less in common. That's to be expected in some friendships, but know that the real friends are the ones who will still call you (or call you back) even if they haven't talked to you in months. That shows that they really do care about you and think about you. There are some major positives for both you and your friends since you don't have kids yet too! Not only do you get to help out and experience babies and young kids before you have to do it full time, but you can also be their link to the outside world, making them take time for themselves to go out and have fun sometimes (even if it takes a little pushing).

Answer 4

As someone who is currently 18 weeks pregnant, let me tell you, this pregnancy thing is not all that it is cracked up to be!! You have the best end of the deal because you get to celebrate in all of the happiness and fun of the events, without going through the stress, sickness, discomfort, anxiety, should I go on?? Trust me, do not have a baby until you are ready, because it really it a lot to deal with a big adjustment! Support your friends and listen to all of their stories about what they have to go through, so you know better for yourself when you are ready-learn from their mistakes :- ) Don't pull away from them, but help them bath, feed, clothe, etc. their new babies and share in the fun stuff, but give them back when they are cranky :- )

Answer 5

Graduating college, moving out, getting married, having babies...these are all rights of passage that many people go through in life. Some do things in different orders, some not at all. My point is, you may feel left out now that your friends can bond over having children and you don't, but you are all still the same people. They have alot to adjust to now, so they may not be as available. Give them time. Try and make some new friends that have the same interests as you to go out with, but don't write off your old friends.

Answer 6

I am on the other side of your dilemma. I am the ONLY one in my group of closed friends that has kids. I feel them pulling away from me. We can't just say "hey let's go dancing tonight!' because for us it takes planning, we need a babysitter and it is not easy to find one at the last minute and I envy them there freedom at times. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my boys with all my heart and wouldn't trade them for anything. Be patient, be understanding and be supportive. Your time will come when you will have your own babies and you will want your friends to be around you when that happens. Good luck!!

Answer 7

I know how you feel because I have a medical reason not to be able to get pregnant and when everyone of my family members were pregnant and when the baby showers and annocements were coming out and stuff I was feeling sad because everyone but me were having kids.

If you have your mind set that you and your husband want to wait then don't be hurt in anyway because this was your choice to wait.

Maybe you really wanna have a baby and think by changing your mind to wait and telling your husband that you want to try will cause a problem in your marrage but it wont. Talk to you husband and make a decsion about what you really wanna do.

To me it sounds like you wanna have a baby, but your not sure how your husband is going to act so you haven't talked to him about it.

Answer 8

Continue to be happy for them. Spend time with your husband. There's no rush to have children until you are about 30. That's how old my mother was when I was born. Of course she didn't get married until she was in her late twenties so don't rush. Things work out in time. Enjoy your time alone with your husband. Your friends will envy you as motherhood hits them early in the morning. You'll have children when you're ready and not because others think you should so just be happy for others and forget about what they've done.

Answer 9

You should not feel alone... you have your husband dont you just be happy for them and maybe you can be the one to give them a break everyonce in a while and prepare yourself for your own mother hood might be a good way to get some experience before your time comesss....it could be a good opurtunity if you let it....good luck....also if you quit going around your friends just cuz they have babies then you will lose them

Answer 10

Be gracious, accept others for being in a different point in their lives. I'm not sure you have to "cope" with baby announcements and showers. Get an announcement, send a card of congratulations. Get invited to a shower, attend with a nice gift. DO NOT tell your friends how you feel, learn to keep your mouth shut and smile graciously.