How am I supposed to deal with my brother's wife? When I was single I spent a lot of time with my brother and his wife and another couple. Eventually I met someone and got married and had a child. Now I don't have as much time to spend with my brother and his wife. My sister -in-law has not taken this well. Everytime they have a party or they are going out and they ask me and I am unable to go, she gets really mad at me and will stop talking to me. Sometimes this silent treatment will go on for months. It makes it very awkward at family gatherings. She won't even look at my wife and me.
Then she will try to turn things around and tell everyone I am mad at her. She does this same thing to other members of my family if she feels like they have somehow wronged her.
I have noticed that she never has any friends for very long. She will have a friend for a while and all of a sudden you never see them again.
What do I do about this? I can't just tell her to f*** off.
2007-01-15 06:28:15 · 15 answers · asked by Marco 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
alright so you have a crazy sister in law. many people do, so you are not alone. and she is very immature and holds grudges and acts like a child. talking to her about it and clearing things up with her will probably not get through to her head bc she is crazy and immature, so i guess you cant talk to her about this, so that doesnt work. so what do you have left?? you have yourself. you can only control your actions, your thoughts. so take control and be positive. at family gatherings, you will probably think before you even leave the house "Oh NO!! i have to deal with her again!!!" and that will only make you feel more negative about this whole thing. so be positive and focus on yourself. im sorry to say but she probably wont **** off sooo you can just act like yourself at the gatherings, around her, and the fam and dont let her get to you. explain to your fams if you want to defend yourself your side of the story. but that is kinda childish too, i mean, clearly there is no explaining. she cant even hold on to a single friend, she has major issues and i'm sure people can see that ur the more normal one, so just let her be and go your own way, tyy to ignore her and her silent treatments. how annoying! ok.. well good luck thinking positive and ignoring her. :)
2007-01-15 06:36:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really isn't your problem as you well know.. its his wife's. You dont say if your brother feels the same as his wife does, but he probably knows that his wife has this issue about relationships. Some people just do not understand what family is. If she were a responsible adult she would realize that you now have a family and that is where (rightfully so) you need to spend your time.
Perhaps one way to deal with how she is handling family issues is to have her and your brother over to dinner one night. Have a normal dinner.. including the running after the baby, the chaos that sometimes ensues at the dinner table... Just let her see that it is normally a difficult time.. and just how exhausted it does leave you and your wife at the end of the day.
Calmly discuss how hurt and uncomfortable you are made to feel at the family gatherings and that you don't intend to slight her but if she cannot control how she reacts that things will not get better between her and the whole family as shes done this to others.
She is acting like a 8 year old petulant little girl... and you have done nothing but be responsible to your family. She may or may not see it like this but it has to be said.
As you said she does this to others in the family and has apparently done it to friends .. as short lived as it may be.
Confrontation is something she is not going to deal with well.. but on the other hand you do have to talk to her about her actions and status in the family. Hopefully your brother will see your side and he understand his wife has an immaturity issue. He will have to help her to overcome these feelings of being the outsider... and acting out this way. She needs to see this is a problem. I believe the rest of the family will not believe that "you are mad at her" as she has put THEM in that situation as well.
I wish you the best of luck and candor is the best route, in my opinion.
:)
2007-01-15 06:46:17 · answer #2 · answered by thebe_gl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I suggest telling her that you love to spend time with her and your brother too, But your schedule with your own family demands your time. Schedule a date night once a month that she can really rely on you for your time. Make it the same day each month and schedule her. Tell her this is one way you two can compromise and still stay best of friends. Does she have children too? If not, she really does not have that full adult responsibility thing that you do. So, explain it to her. If she is still being a wet rag, then you have done what you can and you need to leave it alone. Some people like to create drama and she may just be one of those people. (How Tiring is that)
Tracylyn S
2007-01-15 06:42:09 · answer #3 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One, make sure your husband understands how much you appreciate him sticking up for you. A lot of husbands would have blown it off. Two, tell him that while you are offended by what they did and you agree it was totally unacceptable behavior on their part, it was not so grave an offence as to warrant breaking all communication. This is about how they invaded *your* space, so if you're willing to continue contact, it seems kind of silly for your husband to push the issue. On the flip side, it may be reasonable to ask for their keys back so it doesn't happen again. Your husband might say something like "Sisters, I love you all very much, but what happened the other day was really, deeply inappropriate. I really don't want my wife subjected to that again, so I think for the moment it would be best if you would give me back the keys to my house. I still love you. You're still welcome here, but that can't happen again."
2016-05-24 07:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister-in-law doesn't seem to understand that you are now in a relationship and instead of spending a lot of time with she & your brother you have other obligations. This isn't your problem it's hers. You now have a family! No, don't make matters worse by "stooping to her level", ignore her behavior and keep communication open with your brother and the rest of the family, hopefully she will get the message and grow up!
2007-01-15 06:38:01 · answer #5 · answered by Deepintheheart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why be concerned about it? Ignore her adolescent behavior. If someone in the family asks if you are mad at her tell them "no". In fact, when you are in a family gathering and she is behaving that way, kill her with kindness in front of the family. Let them see she is the one with the attitude. She will eventually accept the fact that you have a different lifestyle now.
2007-01-15 06:41:11 · answer #6 · answered by truthseeker221 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How close are you to your brother? You need to talk to him about this privately. It sounds like she's neurotic. The problem is that it's very hard to deal with people like this when they are in your family. My philosophy on matters like this is just do you best to be as polite as feasable, and try not to let her get under your skin. It's her problem, not yours. You have my sympathy. Good luck. Talk to your brother.
2007-01-15 06:34:17 · answer #7 · answered by robertspraguejr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't already done so I would talk to her husband ... maybe he could straighten her out. It sounds like she has a problem with relationships and needs to be told to grow up and not make so much drama in your family. Your sister in law is acting like a teenager,not like she grown woman she is.
2007-01-15 08:01:08 · answer #8 · answered by *Alice* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her a picture of you and your family and tell her "You're there." Just not in person but in spirit.
2007-01-15 06:49:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to invite them over for dinner and make them feel like there still part of your family.
2007-01-15 06:32:10 · answer #10 · answered by kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋