Parent/Teacher conflict Is this email good enough any recommendations?

Question

Friday January 5th, 2007 I picked up my son at 7PM. I asked him how his day was at school, and he told me that part way through the day he started thinking about me, and then he missed me, and he started to cry. He said he then proceeded to ask Mrs. Lloyd (while crying) if he could call me, and he was told no, and he said that made him cry even harder. This is VERY disturbing to me!!! I can understand the teachers concern that perhaps if was allowed to call me, then all the other children may want to call their parents as well. But I feel in this situation the proper response would be to send the upset child to the office, where they can further assist, and determine if the phone call would be appropriate. I personally feel that at ANYTIME my child needs to call me, he should be able to. Please contact me via phone to discuss this further. I hope to hear back from you by Wednesday January 17, 2007.

IF YOU COULD PLEASE OFFER ANY ADVICE TO MAKE THIS SOUND MORE PROFESSIONAL?

I don't believe everyone is understanding. My son is 8 1/2 and lives with his father, by our agreement. The school is aware of the situation... I have frequent visitation, but it's still not enough for my son... he doesn't cry for me everyday... he truly missed me

Also I live over an hour away... I can't just take off work and show up at the school... so I communicate via email and telephone.

Answer 1

I would say something like this:

I would explaing the incident and then go on with this:

I am aware that in a setting with so many children, a routine must be followed to keep the system flowing. However, as a parent, I like to see some lee way for the individual. I am aware the children are not allowed cell phones at school and so the other option is that if my child feels he needs to call me, that he be allowed to do so from the office. I have raised my child to know that I am available to him in case anything happens that he feels bad about. In this case, he just needed to know that I was available, which was not allowed as an option to him.

I understand that in a setting such as a school and classroom routine that is not plausilbe on a consistent basis. This incident was a one time thing, and should it become a habit, I could see the routine becoming disrupted. On occasion and especially when my child is upset or needing to know that his mommy is avaible.. I would like him to be able to access me.

I realize that this could create problems if every child used this as a ploy. Maybe if he could be sent to the office and he could call from there? I would appreciate it if we could find a way to make this work. I realize the system and rules are their for a good reason, but as a parent I do look for room for individuality...




ok that was really wordy... but you get the jist... take what you need if you like any of it...

Answer 2

1. An e-mail is fine IF you are checking up on grades or have a quick question. NOT when you feel there is a real concern. You don't email your boss when you need to talk about an issue (at least I home not unless you are just setting up a time to talk about it).

2. I hope at the oldest your son is 1st grade. If he is any older than you really need to get some distance between you and your son or you will have more issues.

3. Why should the teacher stop working to let the child use the phone? Is there even a phone in the classroom? If so it should NOT be for a students use. That goes even for high school students.

4. If your child was out of hand crying I am sure the teacher would of sent the child to the office or at least to someone else.

5. I would sit down with the child and talk about being a big boy and how you miss him during the day as well BUT school is important and he can call you later.

6. I assume you didn't see your son until 7 p.m. because you had to work. So from whatever time during the day that happened until 7 p.m. he didnt want to call again and he had all the time in his mind to go over and over and over the incident and even with adults things change of coruse they will with a child.

7. Use tough love. As much at you love your child you do NOT want them living with you forever. Learned helplessness starts this way. Don't go down that path.

Answer 3

As an elementary school teacher, my recommendation would be to email or call the teacher to set up a time to talk to her. Face to face meetings work best. To whom are you sending this? I certainly hope you are planning to talk to the teacher before taking it any further. If you are unable to resolve the situation with the teacher, THEN. by all means, go to the principal if you wish to. However, it's much more professional to try to hash out the problem with the teacher.

The teacher might not even understand how upset your child was. Students will often become upset but resolve the issue themselves. And kids will often focus on one thing in the day when rehashing that days events. He may have only been crying for a few minutes. Obviously, he wasn't crying long enough or hard enough that they felt they needed to send him home. (I've seen this happen with kindergarten/1st graders a couple of times). The school may have a policy against children calling parents during the day; one of the school I worked at did have such a policy. She may not have had an aide in the room at the time to take your child to the office. There are myriad reasons why your son may not have been allowed to call home. The most professional thing would be to ask the teacher for a meeting, discuss your issue and possible solutions (perhaps he can call at lunch if he feels the need to, perhaps he could use the time to write a letter to you to talk about how he feels, etc. Whatever you think might work), and, if you can't resolve it, bring it to the counselor, or principal, and try to come to an agreement.

Answer 4

I can understand you wanting the teacher to be more sympothetic, after all no one wants there child to be upset. I agree that in some ways this should have been handled better, but before you send an e-mail, you need to go to the teacher and ask exactly what went on. I am not saying that your child is lieing only that he may have left out some detail. Did he get in trouble for something else? Was he ill? What was it that was making him want to call. Yes he said he missed you but why?

Then you mentioned it yourself. They cannot allow every child to call their parents just when ever they want to, because it causes commotion. Every child then expects to call their parents and they do take advantage. So the rules are set and everyone has to follow them.

Thirdly, you need to make it clear to the teacher that when problems like this arise he does need to be sent to the office, but an e-mail sometimes comes accross in the wrong manner, and that does not help your child at all. When dealing with the school deal with the teachers face to face I promise they will appriciate this better. I have had to work very closely with my childs teachers do to his special needs and they like for me to send letters for the less personal things like, let me know when you run out of pull-ups, or does my son need any more money put on his lunch account? But we have gotten into many a squable over miss inturpreted e-mails.

Answer 5

i think you're taking this way too seriously.... and I'm a mom of 2, so don't say I don't know what I'm talking about. First, you need to remember to take what your kid tells you with a grain of salt! Call the teacher personally and ask what happened. I'm sure she didn't just say no, she probably comforted your child in some way. Like you said, if the teacher had've let your son call you just because he missed you, other kids would start that, or perhaps your son, would start wanting to call you everyday when he misses you

Your letter sounds angry and jconfrontational, and like you're jumping to conclusions. Have you asked your child when did he STOP crying? maybe this whole thing only lasted a few minutes and then he got back to his work? If he missed you so much, how come he didn't call you after school (you say you didn't see him until 7 pm) ? it just doesn't sound like you have the whole story, and this letter is going to make the teacher feel defensive.

Call her, when you are calm, and ask what happened. If you really feel strongly that your child should be able to call you whenever he misses you, then you can tell her that. but honestly I think your efforts would be better spent on teaching your child some skills to cope with emotions when he misses you, like reminding himself that he can call you when he gets to the babysitter's house, maybe he can keep a photo of you in his desk

Answer 6

I have typed up a mock letter that you could use word for word if you like. I have found from personal experience that it is just better for you to meet the teacher in person to discuss and conflict.

Sometimes teachers can take offense and feel that you don't care about their side when you approach it in the manner that you intend. Teachers are often miss understood and forgotten about when it comes to conflicts that happen between teacher and student.

I hope that this helps. Let me know what you think.

Best of luck,
Nire Nella

Dear Mrs. Lloyd,

Recently it has come to my attention that my son felt you treated him unfairly. After only hearing his side of the story I tend to agree with him. I would greatly appreciate if you could give me a phone call. So as we could set up a meeting time to discuss what happened Friday January 5Th.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,


(your name here)

Answer 7

If you have a problem with school procedure you should go to the school and discuss your problem with an appropriate party... It sounds mainly like your son is playing on your feelings with something he has a problem with at school... Then again, he may have emotional issues, if he is in pre-K, K or in first grade, this is very normal and he will outgrow the crying attachment... The last thing you want to start is a calling habit every time the child has a whim to "call Mommy"...

Answer 8

Dear (Teacher's name here),

My son has been coming home upset lately and I fear that he's having some trouble at school.

I would appreciate if you kept a close watch on him during recess and social activities -

Nevertheless, if my son requires my attention please let him call me at (Your number here).

I understand that it may disrupt class and/or distract other students, but my son is going through an emotional stage at his age and his crying concerns me.

So if my child ever needs to call me, just send him to the office and let him call me - No matter what the reason.

Thank you for your time, I hope to hear back from you by (Date here).

Sincerly,
(Name here)

Answer 9

I don't think you should be sending a letter at all. If you have a problem, go talk to his teacher or the principal. I actually don't see anything wrong with his teacher telling him no. Like you said, if she allowed him to do it she'd have to allow all the students to do it.

If he was crying, the teacher should have taken him in to the hall and talked with him.

I understand that you feel he should be able to call you whenever he needs you, but really there's a time and a place for that. If they let him call you when he feels upset, pretty soon it's going to be "I'm sick..I need to go home" and pretty soon after that it'll be throwing fits at home before school so he doesn't have to go at all.

Trust me, I pulled this at school too when I was his age. You can't let him call you for every little thing otherwise he'll never learn how to deal with things like this.

Answer 10

The teacher was just trying to get your child to adjust to school. I have never known of a school that allows a child to call home just because they want to call home. I realize as a mother we love feeling wanted, needed and loved, but it comes a time when tough love is needed. Instead of being upset with the teacher you should reenforce what the teacher said to your child and tell him that he cannot call you when at school. He needs to wait until after school to talk to you.

Mom - just stop and think about what you are doing. Your emotions have overcome you. We love them so much that sometimes our love hinders them (keeps them back).