My Girlfriend was pregnant with my baby, and already had a little one herself. She lives in a two bedroom flat. Her parents were selling thier house and to save money they wanted to move in with us for a few month to help them. None of it made sense as they were promising to pay all her bills and redecorate the whole place, so how this was savig them money i dont know? When i say them to move in that meant her mum and dad and her bother and sister. So that would have meant 7 of us living in a two bedroom flat. When i found out about this i was the least bit amused. I wanted to work on our relationship and build for the future for the new arrival and work on us as a family. I said this to her parents and explained that i wasnt happy about the situation. In the end they didnt move in, but i am constantly told i was wrong and it was none of my business wotseva. All i was doing was looking out for my family. As a consequnece she lost the baby over all the stress that this caused her.
2007-01-15 06:07:52 · 28 answers · asked by Westley K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can't believe you have had some responses that say you were in the wrong! I am so sorry for your loss! You were totally in the right... how on earth would you have been supposed to start your new family in a 2 bed flat with 7 of you sharing it? It's absurd! I think you did the right thing by sitting down and talking to her parents and being honest with them about how you felt, you dealt with it in a sensible and mature manner! Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you... please don't blame yourself xx
2007-01-15 08:32:47 · answer #1 · answered by lou lou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think that your decision was the right one. If her parents did move in and there were that many people living in such a small place (I used to live in a 2 bedroom with 5 people and 2 dogs), it would have done nothing but lead to more stress for the both of you. Her parents are grown people. Their decision to move out and want to save money should have been thought through more, especially if your girlfriend already has a child AND is pregnant with another one. Putting your family first was the right thing. In a way, I see why people are telling you that you were wrong because of those "expectations" that come along with being someone's boyfriend, but you can't make everybody happy. I personally think her parents were a little wrong to want to move in to such a small place knowing that their daughter has a child and is expecting another one. Being pregnant is a big deal and I'm sure in those living conditions your girl wouldn't have been able to give herself the time she needed to prepare for the baby on the way as well as take care of the one she already has. I'm sorry that you lost the child. But take comfort in knowing that you have your priorities straight and you wouldn't let anything get in the way of them.
2007-01-15 14:37:16 · answer #2 · answered by fastcarceo25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss,and hope your girlfriend is recovering well,and that you too are okay after such an upset.
To answer your question,no-you were not in the least bit wrong. To have 7 people in a 2 bedroom flat-1 of them being a newborn child,would have been pandemonium! And it was your business-you live in that flat,you were the father of that baby,and as you said,you wanted to work on the relationship and build on the future.
2007-01-15 14:18:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont blame yourself about anything it wasnt your fault,you as you said were just looking out for your family,how could that amount of people live in a small flat like that ,families are hard going at times but hang in there ,fight your own corner and keep talking to your girlfriend you need each other right now ,be civil to everyone else for your girlfriends sake ,that way you cant get the blame for any more un feeling,its hard ,i have had enough family troubles to last a lifetime ,good luck.
2007-01-15 15:58:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was your business it was however not your fault. By them moving in it could have caused a lot more problems - no privacy arguments etc. It was very selfish of them to expect to move in and a little naive of your girlfriend to expect you and the other child to "deal" with it you did the right thing. You dont say at what stage she lost the baby if it was in the first three months miscarriages are very common for loads of reasons one of which is "it just Happens" or if it was later there may have been a problem alread with the pregnancy that no one knew about. I believe one in three pregnancies end in a miscarriage
You were right to do what you did though.
2007-01-15 15:05:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question you must ask yourself is this: Would her family have offered their home for you if you needed it?
If the answer is "yes", then you already have the answer to your question.
Yes, I do think it would have been stressful but if her family has been kind and generous to YOU, then it was a really poor show on your part.
It may have been for the best that your girlfriend lost "your" baby. You too may not be the best match after all. It sounds harsh but if you are honest with yourself, you will wonder why having her family living with you for a few months was such a bad thing.
It will be wise of you to remember your actions when you will most probably need her family.
What goes around comes around and I should hope that if you are in need, you aren't denied by some selfish need to "build the relationship or work on it". It was probably important to her and her family.
I think your girlfriend, if she hasn't already figured it out, will one day realise that she deserves to be with a more caring and considerate man.
Harsh, but you did ask the question.
2007-01-15 14:18:22 · answer #6 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Good for you for looking out for YOUR family - I hope your gf can come to see this in the future - just think of the stress if her family had moved in! You didn't cause the loss of the baby - it was not you causing the stress - it was her family putting on pressure. You are a good man, looking to protect your loved ones.
2007-01-16 05:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by blue_sapphire07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. I agree with you though, it does seem crazy for seven people to move into a flat that only has to bedrooms, even for a few months. It sounds like you all would have been each other's way all the time.
2007-01-15 14:14:14 · answer #8 · answered by Je veux changer le monde 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like multiple questions.. but i feel that the most important one is your gf losing her baby, you cannot blame yourself for this as it was never your intension for that to happen like you said u were taking care of your family and yes having that many people under one house would be a little to much but you said that u told this to her parents and they were not happy, maybe u should have first explained it in great detail your problem with this to your gf that way when u would have told her parents it would not have Stressed her as much, but as far as the problem you were right in the way you handled the problem you could have been more careful towards your gf feeling (To keep her from stressing)
2007-01-15 14:18:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hell no you were not in the wrong.
what the hell were they thinking having 7 people living in a 2 bedroom flat.
like thats going to work and not cause many problems.
you did the right thing in standing up for your family and your girlfriend should just be glad your you will be there for her and your family. hope you have a better future together.
2007-01-15 14:18:04 · answer #10 · answered by magic_monkey78 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋