how do i deal with it? we were together for two years, but it was long distance for about 20months of it. i am so confused. he stil wants us to remain as best friends and he still wants to see me n talk/txt me as usual. i dont know if this is a good thing bcos as soon as he gets another girl, all that will stop and it will be another heart ache right? should we just go for a clean break? it really hurts at the moment, and the thought of remaining close is very appealing but what do you think?
2007-01-15 05:54:40 · 27 answers · asked by Smiley 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
im 100% sure he hasnt found any body else. i trust him completely. we r meeting up this week as a sort of final goodbye, as all this was done over the phone. i do still love him, but i cnt force him to be in a relationship that is making him suffer, the long distance is just too much for him now. it will hurt both of us having a clean break, i just need to know if remaining friends is going to hurt more though? thanks to everyone whos replied so far.
2007-01-15 06:08:36 · update #1
When you break up with someone and you've been dating them for quite sometime it's never easy to let go.And long distant relationships are pretty tuff on anyone. I think the best thing for you to do is just tell him that you want to be friends with him but you just need sometime to yourself to figure everything out.Also talk to him tell him that you don't won't another heart ache so if being friends means that everytime he has another girl he won't talk to then your friendship is not gonna work because that is not what you want. One more thing what sounds very appealing may not be the right thing at the time. The best advice I guess to give you is take sometime for yourself to get unconfused then the next step would be talk to him tell him that you want to be friends but you don't want another heart ache so if a girl is gonna get in the way of your friendship then it's best you to aren't friends. Mainly it is all up to you. Your decsion, what you think is best for you and what you want.
A leave you with something a very good friend of mind told me
"No one can decide for you, tell you what you should do,
or even say who you can be friends with
The only one you can listen to is the on thing that
knows you the best, knows what you want, you've
gotta block everyone else out and listen to it
Your heart, your heart knows what you really want to
do, so just listen to it and follow it"
Short version: "Just follow your heart!!!!!!!!!"
Lots of love!
sponge_angel91
2007-01-15 06:29:51 · answer #1 · answered by Gretchen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally I am a fairly big supporter of remaining in contact with ex's but in this situation, I think your best bet is to take a step back for awhile. This certainly doesn't mean forever. You know that saying about how if you let go true love will return, well it may be applicable here. Since you both seem fairly content on the relationship ending, I suggest a clean break, at least for a couple months. Best friends is impossible until you both have time to be I's instead of an "us".
I know this time is hard but don't worry.. you will get through it. A year from now... nothing that is hurting today will seem so bad. Take care.
2007-01-15 08:13:38 · answer #2 · answered by Chloe M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This appears like a case of distance making the heart grow fonder and also making it forget. If you are really affected by the break-up then take the clean break. Although you are tempted to make the communication lines open and it is also a good idea to be friends with your ex, give yourself some time to heal first. That way whatever happens next would not be bittersweet.
2007-01-15 06:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by woman in the well 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking it out is good have a good cry ...don't jump into another relationship right away... You say" I don't Know if this is a good thing "what you really are saying is "I know this is a bad thing" so why would you because he asked for his sake or for a slow break to be easier break-up line...
You also say"He still wants to be friends" My gut tells me he has found someone else and doesn't want to look cold and heartless so you'll cry less in his ear less guilt also you'll get use to the idea ... so when he says
(within a month) "I met someone"you won't be able to blast him because of the timing ..but the next move it''ll be bye bye for good or until they break-up and he calls you to cry on your shoulder about the mistake it was to break-up......
Move on now .... post lots go to sites to talk it out... go for walk maybe to a coffee shop, don't take your cell no temptation to call... change your routine like when you usually spoke to him on the phone do something different like calling a Friend washing your hair instead do thing for yourself like a makeover so the outside you is a post "whatever his name is" time of your life then you'll begin to feel it on the inside....just take control of yourself don't let him have it..
GL
2007-01-15 06:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by UmaCat 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
2 years ago I broke up from a really intense relationship. At first we weren't in any contact (I was living abroad)- but when I came back we started bumping into each other all over the place and we eventually started talking. We got much closer although we never overstepped the friendship boundary and very rarely talked about the relationship. However, we were both still emotionally attached to one another. Last summer we seemed to be talking a lot (spent like 6 hours on the phone one night/morning) and I had fallen for him completely all over again. We still didn't really talk about the fact that we both liked each other until one day I just blurted out that I really liked him and I needed to know where he stood: he told me he felt the same, that he wanted to marry me and couldn't see himself with anyone else but me; but that the timing was wrong. Anyway, we just carried on being friends and never talking about our romantic interest. And a few weeks ago I found out (through someone else) that he's gotten into a serious relationship with someone else!
So moral of the story: MAKE A CLEAN BREAK!!!!
You don't wanna be where I am 2 years from now (feeling like I've JUST broken up with him all over again!). That's a lot of time to waste on someone and it's not worth it.
Exes are your exes for a reason and they really must stay that way. Go your separate ways and if your paths cross again (without any effort from either of you) then maybe it's meant to be. But as for right now I'd suggest you lock it off! Delete his number (but write it down and hide it if you ever wanna call him again)- but I'd say for about 6 months ensure that there's no contact. If he calls you just miss his call, it's totally unfair of him to break up with you and still be calling you- he just feels bad and wants things to stay on good terms but it's very difficult for us women to be involved with an ex and take our emotions out of the situation. I recently heard that the reason we hold onto things is because we're scared that that thing in the past is something we need, that we're not going to get again. That's just not true- you don't need him and you will find someone better so meditate on that and cut off contact!
2007-01-15 06:08:41 · answer #5 · answered by slim_neva_shady 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say clean break it might be hard, but it'll be easier in the long run, plus the problem with the remaining friends thing is that you can cross the line sometimes and it just gets messy x
2007-01-15 05:59:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd personally go for clean break - as you said yourdelf.. it'll hurt like crazy when he gets a new girl etc etc.... it hurts like crazy but the best thing is to go out with mates, have a laugh (yes u will be able to!!) and generally try to forget the whole thing...it wont work straight away but time is a healer etc.... plus getting some male attention will totally boost your confidence - u dont need to "pull"... just get flirty and a tad drunk (but be safe!!) and i promise things'll get better over time.
2007-01-15 06:09:59 · answer #7 · answered by *~_**_Jester_**_Girl_**_~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel your pain. I just was in a long distance realionship myself. If he still wants to be your friend, it could be cuz he still cares for you or maybe he sees you as a possibly being together again in the future if you guys are close to each other. My ex gf broke up with me, she in germany and im here now in the states. She wanted to be close friends and i said no cuz i was hurt. now i regret it that mistake, now is too late for me. I miss her a lot.
trust me, if you care for him, try to be his friend even if he got a girl. you never know what could happen in the future. If you lose contact, then it be definitely be over. Is a hard situation but is up to you.
hope you feel better.
2007-01-15 06:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have clean break, otherwise someone will get more hurt because they will want to try to get back together.
Besides think about it, women always move on quicker as they decide to go with men, men are just thankful. Unless he has someone already.
2007-01-15 06:01:14 · answer #9 · answered by boobboo77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's going to take time. however the minute you midway experience like it, you will desire to start going out with acquaintances and attempt to have a reliable time. you will meet new adult men and could in all danger have a sparkling boyfriend earlier too long. it rather is plenty greater advantageous to break up now, as a exchange of in all danger getting married and then finally end up divorced. sturdy success!
2016-10-20 05:57:09 · answer #10 · answered by mulry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋