I am newly single as my ex (of 5 years) and I broke up a few months ago. He is moved on and I feel I am ready too. I was just wondering how men would feel about a woman in my situation. I am 21 and have a three year old daughter. I am graduating from college in May. Is the fact that I am so young with a child/ or just that I have a child at all going to keep SERIOUS men from me? I am not neccesarily looking for someone to settle with now and I know better than to bring a bunch of men into my daughter's life . I'm not looking to be critisized but honesty is appreciated!
2007-01-15 05:52:20 · 17 answers · asked by xoheidixo10 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Young, serious, single men are not LOOKING for someone with a 3 year old child. They want to build something of their own.
Older men are more accepting since they more likely have their own history, including children.
Now, you might happen to meet someone at work and who has a chance to observe your fine qualities and come to recognize that you just happen to come with a 3 year old. However, in the context of the wonderful person they've come to know, that might be just fine.
Recommendation (even though you didn't ask for one):
Focus on getting yourself established seculary, spiritually, and on your daughter. If you do, the rest will most likely work out in time.
2007-01-15 06:34:41 · answer #1 · answered by Carl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men, serious or not, are going to see that you have a three year old child and run for the hills. Personally, I would look at the fact that you finished college at the same time as raising a daughter, which speaks volumes about your character and determination. Clearly, your daughter has to be the number one priority in your life right now and this will scare alot of men away. It will be hard to find a serious guy, but there is probably one out there.
Good luck.
2007-01-15 13:59:43 · answer #2 · answered by msi_cord 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No having a child will not keep serious men from you; just remember to tell the guys that your baby girl is 1st and that you don't expect any man to be a daddy to your daughter; i know a lot of guys are scared thinking they are going to have to take on that role if serious relationship develops with a woman with kids. I have a 5 year old daughter and my boyfriend respects the fact that her well being will always be my priority. and he doesn't feel left out at all and i make sure to balance my romantic life and my motherhood life pretty fairly between them. good luck.
2007-01-15 13:57:55 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A real man will appreciate you for what you have done. Here you are, 21 with a child, working very hard to finish your education in order to secure a better life for the both of you. That takes a strong will, determination, and focus. That is very attractive to a a man looking for a serious relationship.
When I was younger I dated three women who had children, and I loved all of them even though our relationships did not work out in the long run. Just be responsible, don't expose your daughter to anyone until you are sure you want to get serious (kids get attatched very quickly), and for goodness sake do not settle for just anyone!
2007-01-15 14:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by McB 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u have to ask urself a couple of questions . do u really want another man in ur life rite now ? or are u just feeeling unwanted ? u need to love u and ur daughter first she is the most inportant thing in ur life . u can date guys by leaving her at a relitives house or a baby sitter for the nite . then ull have the whle nite to devote urself to ur date and have ur fun . but u let him know up front that u have a daughter . if he really cares for u then he will stay with u and if he don't oh well he was just after on thing . their are lots of guys out there and i mean good guy's that want a woman that already have children and make dam good lovers and husbands but u have to look in the rite places to find them . so be honest up front rite off with a guy . and let him know before u give up anything that ur in it for the long run
2007-01-15 14:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by himhum03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation does complicate things for a young man in their 20's. At that age, they still feel invicible and want to chase girls and don't want to get tied down. There are a small few that want to settle down and have a family. Perhaps you should try dating men who are a little older, say 30's & 40's? By 30's, men are beaten up by the hardships of life. They'll have more empathy for your situation perhaps?
Good luck.
2007-01-15 14:04:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i know guys shouldnt judge other people for decisions uve made when u were younger. but that is kinda something very hard for a guy to take in. first of all cuz guys are afraid of commitment, and when the opportunity comes around and they know u got a daughter it makes it even harder. i say u just focus on ur daughter for now and if u meet any men out there make sure ur sure bout them b4 u bring them into ur daughters life. :)
2007-01-15 14:31:08 · answer #7 · answered by oc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 22 with a 5 yr old son when I graduated.
No, it's not that big a deal.
But one man of foreign background, I admit, told me that men love single moms. You're never gonna be out with anyone else, because you can only get away for long enough to be with him!
Watch out for that.
But, there are plenty of break-ups nowadays, and men can't seem to avoid dating at least one single mom nowadays!
Be prepared to date single dads.
Be prepared for them to take custody if they don't have it.
Don't assume the mom's going to always have the kids.
2007-01-15 13:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally I would give you a lecture about how it's a bad idea to have sex before marriage, but I guess it's kinda too late for that.
I happen to be 21, and I would not date you. Maybe in about ten years I would CONSIDER it if you were a great person, but for now I would try to avoid you. It seems like a minority of guys are serious at your age, but the ones that are (like me) are not looking for a woman who will use us. I don't want to be a placeholder, just a part to help some woman fulfill her ideals. I want to be appreciated for who I am, not what I can do. And even if your motives are pure, it is impossible for men to tell if you have an agenda. Also, lots of men who are serious will feel like they are coming in "second place," because they've been turned down by plenty of women who would prefer to date border-line criminals about ten years older than them. I, for one, have noticed that pattern among women like yourself. It's the same way with women who get older . . . we have to wonder if they're just looking for someone to start a family with, or if they really like us for who we are. I don't mean all that to criticize you, but to let you know what serious guys are likely to think.
I wish I could give you more advice, but your situation is pretty bad for serious guys. I think you would have more luck dating other single fathers, or men who are older than you. My cousin, for example, is our age has three children (by at two or three [I forget] different fathers), and she seems to be sticking with one of them now (one of the fathers, btw). I would expect that he's at least ten years older than her. So . . . I wish you luck!
2007-01-15 14:13:29 · answer #9 · answered by Brilliant 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you failed to mention if it was his daughter or not. Concentrate on your daughter, and your own education at the moment..and believe me, the rest of your life will fall into place. Most worthy men worth their salt would have no problem with the fact you have a daughter. Don`t jump into a relationship...ease into it.... and do things with your daughter...you`ll be surprised at whom you will meet..and you will meet that special someone who can love you both
2007-01-15 14:03:10 · answer #10 · answered by pipebosss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋