I'm 45 and realise that my mother has never given me credit. I was always a "good child" - never gave my parents any problems. Although I'm sure she love(d) me, I've not had many reasons to FEEL it. I got married recently & I wish I hadn't but because nothing was forthcoming, I asked her how she thought I looked. I felt I looked the best I'd ever looked in my life - but all she said was "OK". Then she saw my brother behind me & it was all over to him. It's always appeared to me - he's the blatant favourite. I've worked hard all my life & have done well for myself but never once had a pat on the back. When I got my degree, she put a congratulations notice in the paper, but I was told it was to rub my ex mother-in-laws face in it! After my daughter was born, I felt I didn't need her approval anymore - but I asked her opinion at my wedding. I feel so sad at times it's overwhelming. I ADORE my daughter & tell her every day how wonderful she is. Any ideas?
2007-01-15 05:17:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i can only see positive things coming out of this, seems to me that you are a special and unique person and do not really need your mums approval.I would not worry about it too much, speaking from experience don' t waste your time waiting for a change, it may or may not come but at least you carried on doing the most important thing which is living your life and enjoying one of the best gifts ever.....motherhood!!!
good luck
2007-01-15 09:39:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My eldest Sister has had a similar experience, which I wasn't aware of until recent years. We are both in our fifties and our Mother is 87 this year.
Our Mother always favoured our middle Sister who died two years ago, then me...and my eldest Sister was always last and like you, was never praised but was criticised or undermined quite often.
I think that in reality these things are far more common than we imagine and often it comes down to what we already know, and that is that the first and most important job of a parent is to not be the same as your parents! Basically...the better Mother you are, the better Mother your daughter will be.
Understanding all this does not preclude you from still having a relationship with your Mother, it just means that you are more aware of the true nature of the relationship and you can take the bits you like out of it, and put to one side the bits you don't.
Make it sound easy don't I?...lol
2007-01-15 05:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a good person and I sometimes felt like that, I was going to make my usual wisecrack often seen in olde worlde shops "don't ask for credit as refusal often offends" maybe there is something in that in personal terms eh!! don't know if you will ever get recognition or peace of mind. Just hold your head up with the knowledge that you have done your best always, and at least "you" know it....hope this makes you feel better it's how things are in a lot of families..." You are not alone""
2007-01-15 05:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by William C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hm, looks like a sticky difficulty. of path the son will constantly want his organic and organic mum and dad to be jointly, it is undemanding sence. it is not constantly a sturdy thought for an Ex-husband and spouse to have a date jointly although, extremely in the event that they have new companions in volved. Your BF could have a communicate along with his son, tell him the region and merely the way it is. in keeping with possibility a telephone call on your BF's son's mom is a robust thought? or a date the place the three of you've got a verbal replace jointly. in the adventure that your Bf merely loves you, not something undesirable could ensue on your 2 relation's deliver. His son is youthful, he will could pass with the aid of those stages of divorce =/ it is something a baby does not want to could be in the midst of, yet regularly at circumstances has to. optimistically quickly he will see that your Bf and you're happy jointly, and which you may properly be merely as sturdy as a ensure I was hoping I helped some. Take care, appropriate of success.
2016-12-16 05:17:50 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to go back and make mother daughter relationships better. Not impossible, but difficult. It wounds like your relationship with your own duaghter is a healthy one. My mother seemed to be jealous of me when I became a woman. In the later years things improved because she quit drinking. Try telling her how you feel if you want to open the doors to better times. It may not be possible. Keep enjoying your own daughter and be open to other women your mother's age who could be your feirnd and appreciate you for who you are. Can you talk to your brother?
2007-01-15 05:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by plaplant8 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I know this feeling very well. My mother doesn't talk to me anymore and I don't talk to her. I tried to build a bridge but it didn't work. She is too bitter and insecure in herself. She, too, would brag about my "accomplishments" to people who didn't matter in my life but she, herself, would never say "well, done". It was constant put-downs. "You're fat" and things along these lines. It lasted for a long time until one day, I got fed up and gave up on her. I decided you can't change people and the best thing to do was wait for the inevitable day when she dies and I won't have to worry anymore about our "relationship".
I hope that you can bridge the gap you feel exists between you and your mother. You could try to talk to her and it may help. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-15 06:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by KD 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have a child and dont let her see it.
are you ever in that situation where u just dont know what to say or do? yes, you know what i mean? of course u do, most ppl get that at times.
parents do too. maybe it is that. i feel the same about my parents at times but i think that perhaps i wasnt the perfect child and so i shouldnt be so ungrateful for the good and moral upbringing i recieved. no one is perfect and if you've read this far then maybe what i am saying has struck a chord with you.
2007-01-15 05:29:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people well never change. Feel sorry for her and be grateful for the one big lesson she taught you (and doesn't even know it). That is to always make sure your daughter knows you love her and are proud of her. It hurts but if you are a better mother than she, it well help....
2007-01-15 05:27:07 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think regardless of what you think your mother feels about you, you will NEVER change her..the only way you can fill that emptiness is to fill it yourself..you should feel happy and love yourself more than anything..NO ONE can fill that..let's face it, a lot of people can relate to you on how our parents messed us up and most likely its true, but we can't sit here fretting about what THEY did to us because we'll never move on in life..it looks like you've done really well for yourself and that says a lot about you. i say let it go, and don't worry about her approval, just concentrate on loving yourself and your daughter..heal whatever you've felt in the past and move on and you will reap happiness no matter what anyone says about you..and if you do this most likely yourself daughter will see and FEEL that love from you..good luck! :)
2007-01-15 05:28:35 · answer #9 · answered by gemstone2421 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
may be she do like your brother the most but i am sure that she does not mean it at all- could you ask her about that : not show her love to you though you are good.
by the way my mother is like that but i do not care- i can undersatand she wants us be always better ...
2007-01-15 05:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋