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My teenage son has bi polar, self harms and has made several suicide attempts. His father, my ex partner says that I am responsible for most of my son's problems. He hasn't paid child spt for 10 weeks (he has 2 jobs, I am a f/t carer because of my son's condition) and says I am "whingeing" when I complain. Tonight by phone he told me that I needed to "lift my game" as a mother. Also said I was crazy because I won't attend a joint conference at the m h clinic with him (my ex partner) there (last time he said in the meeting that his dearest wish was for me to disappear off the face of the earth). I hung up on him and sent a txt message that i thought his attitude/b'haviour was emotional abuse and unacceptable. He txted back "F*** off you dopey B*tch" . IS this emotional abuse ? It has been going on for years. Or am I being touchy ? (the psychs said just today, that I am doing a 1st class job with my son )

2007-01-15 05:08:10 · 13 answers · asked by Phyllida 1 in Health Mental Health

No, I'm not doing a "1st class job" (who does as a mother ? ) but I am coping and so is my son.

2007-01-15 05:10:19 · update #1

13 answers

Your ex is a worthless loser. And yes, he is using you for all he can get.

Look into other options: Your son has some major problems. And his sire (notice I do not call him father) will not be any help. If nothing else, you can sue for past-due child support, and probably win it.

Good for the psychs!

Good luck, Honey. I'll be cheering for you!

2007-01-15 05:22:08 · answer #1 · answered by Tigger 7 · 0 0

Yes this is emotional abuse and I am sure it is just making all this stress in your life harder, maybe talk to someone on the legal sides of things (or post a question about what you can do about it here, I'm sure some people will have answers) about getting him to start paying child support again. He is behaving more than inappropriately he is a grown adult with a son to look after not a 5 year old child with a bad mouth and he needs to learn to keep quiet because it is just making the whole situation a lot worse.

As horrible as it is he is involved in this situation because it is his son too so you can't really exclude him from your life yet. Talk to your psych about your husbands behavior maybe he will have some good advice also you have really been handling the situation great you gave him a mature response back to his horrible comments.

Goodluck with it all and no your not over reacting :)

2007-01-15 08:46:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Personally...I'd have a no contact order filed against the ex-partner and would not spend any time communicating with him on the phone or via text. Sounds as though he's the psyco, and probably needs to lift his game as a parent. doesn't sound like he's done much for your son. I'm certain they have medication available for your son's condition that will make his actions easier to handle. Just ignore the Ex...he's an idiot! Don't know if I'd call it abuse or not..but I'd certainly call it immature.. Take care of your son the best way you know how....that's all anybody can ask. And, it sounds like your doing a fine job! Hang in there mom.....you'll be ok...stay strong!

2007-01-15 05:24:31 · answer #3 · answered by Shelly B 5 · 1 0

We live in an imperfect world and I feel for you and your son .He didn't ask to be born with Bipolar Disorder.Your husband feels guilty and he's taking it out on you.He is verbally abusive because you are an easy target.The most important priority in your life right now is your son,and you are doing the best that you can with what you have.He doesn't have any business talking to you that way because after all you are the only one being responsible in this situation.He needs to be responsible too by paying his child support.The Attorney General can help you collect what is owed to your son.You hold all the power in your hand whenever he becomes verbally abusive towards you on the phone,HANG UP!Pursue the child support he's working 2 jobs,he can do his part with his son.

2007-01-15 05:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Lety 7 · 0 0

I'm sorry to hear that your son is bipolar. I have a friend whose son is also bipolar and her ex husband is the same way. He has actually tried setting her house on fire before! I do believe what you have described is emotional abuse. Does he treat your son the same way? If so, this can be counterproductive to what you are doing to care for your son and treat him. Maybe you can enter therapy by yourself and they can help you better deal w/ what's going on w/ your husband. Emotional abuse can effect everyone, sometimes this is worse than physical abuse. I have been at the hands of emotional abuse by my mother my whole life and suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder as a result. I hope you can get your ex to see that his actions are inappropriate and damaging to both you and your son. I wish you the best of luck.

2007-01-15 05:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

The father of your child is a A S S !! He has NO EXCUSE for being delinquent in child support.

The nasty coments are mean, but I don't consider it emotional abuse becasue you are not together anymore. He is not coercing you to live with him and be constantly subjected to his mean remarks.

Try to focus on what you need to do for yourself and your son. Involve the father as little as possible. When he does mouth off at you, remain calm and simply state that you will not accept this kind of behavior from him. Then end the conversation. Walk away, hang up - just end it.

2007-01-15 05:24:56 · answer #6 · answered by not yet 7 · 1 0

You seem more concerned with your ex partner than you are about your son. Why are you giving this guy so much power? Change your phone number if you don't want him ringing you. If the psychs are saying you are doing a great job thats all you need to worry about. Sounds like you are still hung up on this guy as you seem to care about his opinion quite a lot.

2007-01-15 09:50:20 · answer #7 · answered by jacs 3 · 0 0

Yes. He is being a total ass. Bi-polar is a chemical imbalance, is it not? How on earth can you be the root of that problem? And anyone who calls you vulgar names is just out to hurt you, which is abuse for sure. The father of your child should at the very least, respect his son enough to be civil to you. Sounds like he's the one who needs to "lift his game." My advice would be to never show him that he gets to you - he is probably feeding off of your reactions. If you take him in stride and kill him with kindness, which will undoubtedly be extremely difficult, he may decide it's not worth it to berate you anymore. And as long as you know you're doing a good job with your son, who cares what he thinks? You can rest easy knowing you're setting a good example of how to handle conflict; gracefully.

2007-01-15 05:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by mandygirl78 2 · 0 0

Yes it is emotional abuse....And It is just as bad as being punched in the face just no one can see it
I am bi-polar I have been on meds since 1995.
I left my ex with my child because of the mental abuse (too many to list) I was blamed for everything even his car getting reposed.
It is hard being a single mom much less to a son who is bi-polar (I can relate to that and even the suicide)
You have to realize the arguing between you two is hurting your son he may also feel responsible for it all. It is hard to see that things are not your fault.
He is hurting inside
You may not discus your problems in front of him but trust me he knows, he feels it. He feels your pain. He feel responsible your his mother.
Is he on medication? He needs to be seeing a professional as you need to also even if it is with a group of abused women. You can call your local Mental Health they can give you information on all of this
There is so much more involved in this viscous cycle I wish I could tell you more

2007-01-15 05:36:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'd like to help but the best I can suggest is for you to detach --with love-- from the ex, and then later you will learn to detach with love from the child.

I am very biased toward 12-step programs as a journey self-discovery and healing.

You will likely also discover on that journey that the whole "bipolar" thing is a ruse. I.e., there is a cunning baffling, powerful, pervasive element of dishonesty--especially to self. Many psychiatric conditions are. We enable them!

On a personal note, I've known many with a similar set of circumstances --it turns out, as you may know, that the circumstances are not the problem-- who have found new lives. And for you, as for them, I pray for your happiness, your joy, and your freedom.

2007-01-15 05:23:42 · answer #10 · answered by laportama 2 · 0 0

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