Should I report my friend for child neglect?

Question

I asked a question about this earlier, but I ran out of room. I babysit my friends 4 yr. old son and two other children. I have 4 children of my own and do not understand how my friend can be so lazy. Her house reeks of cat urine, dishes overflowing and growing mold in sink, her son has come to my house with clothes reeking of cat urine as well. I've had to bathe him and wash his clothes. She spends a majority of her time on the PC chatting w/men. She has even gone as far as driving way out of state to pick up a man she's never met and brought him home with her to live with her and her son. He only stayed a week and went back home. Her son has come to my house wearing the clothes he wore the day before or wearing her socks because she didn't do laundry. I know he pretty much does what he wants while she sits online chatting as soon as she gets home from work. CPS has visited her a few times, she cleans up for their visit, then thinks go back to filth. When will she wake up?

Answer 1

I think you should report her. If you have a chat with her she will pull the same stunt she pulls with CPS, she will clean up just for you and still be the same neglectful mother. I don't think a talk is going to help this woman out, she sound like she is severely depressed or has a personality disorder and needs professional help. The reason I think that is because:
A. CPS came to her house which IS a wake up call
B. she cleaned up the house for them which means she
understands what she is SUPPOSED to do
C. that she still has not changed means she is incapable of
helping herself...or her son!
Good luck with your decision, I know no one like to be a 'snitch' but this mom thinks it is a good idea!

Answer 2

Yes, I have a friend who went through this with her sister. The children are having problems in school and with their peers. The family doesn't want to report it, but it got to the point where you must think what is the best for the child. No child should have to live in a house like that. If the mother is so interested in chatting on line-you'll probably be doing her a favor by freeing her up from the responsabilities of having a child then she can chat on line and not have to worry about the child. If she cares she'll change to be able to get her child back-otherwise the child is better off.

Answer 3

First, you must not leave your children at her house. If they are to be at her house, you need to stay with them. Invite her children to your house if you want your children to play together.

Second, it sounds as if she needs some guidance about what is required to take care of a child. You can make an anonymous report to Child Protective Services and she won't have to know it was you. After their visit she may need support, so perhaps you could be available to teach her how to clean the house properly, and to help her learn to care for her children better. (It's not healthy for the cat, either! It sounds as if perhaps the cat is using other areas in the house besides the litter box.)

The Internet can be quite a distraction, especially if the job of parenting is overwhelming. If she is lonely for the companionship of a man and overwhelmed at taking care of children it isn't too surprising that she should get "addicted" to the computer, but it really can be a serious problem. But her children really do have to come first and if you think their health and welfare are in jeopardy the responsible thing to do is contact CPS and tell her you are worried.

Answer 4

Shell wake up when she realizes what a bad mom shes bein. Best way for her to find out is by u telling her for first. If she doesnt care or want to listen than yea something more serious should be done. Not right for her treat her kids like that and spend all of her time trying to get with men. Shes pretty much just caring about her well being. If she didnt want kids in the first place than she shouldnt of had them but since she did, her kids have to come first now. Def tell her about it and see where it goes from there.

Answer 5

I had a friend like this and thankfully she ended up moving away. I think that first you should have a talk with her and try to help her clean up the place. Let her know that if she doesnt start changing her ways as far as her kids and the filth you are going to have no choice but to report her. If you do report her tell them to come unannounced so that they can see how she REALLY lives. Being dirty and neglecting your chidren is a sign of mental illness, so I really think that she should also see a doctor, maybe she could get some medication. Good luck.

Answer 6

Yes i would get cps involved only don't let her know there are coming for a visit because then that gives her time to clean her house before they come. That is so nasty and disgusting that poor little boy! Who cares really if she hates you for it. Her son deserves a much better and safe environment. And im pretty sure you will make the right decision.

Answer 7

Doing *something* would be good. Whether it is asking and warning your friend that you would do something if she doesn't clean up her act -no pun intended- by a month; staging an intervention using people in her life; or making a call -anonymously if want- that they should show up unannounced when she is living like that. Her son would probably not be better off in a foster home, but that home life isn't acceptable either.
I do kinda feel for her, as well as feel contempt too. I went through a really bad separation, and as I was never a great housekeeper either, it would get pretty messy at times, though I don't think unhealthy for my kids. I got so stressed and depressed, knowing I was not able to care for them temporarily, so they are staying with their dad, even my young toddler. It was hard, and it was best for them. I am making great strides towards getting on my feet.
She needs to be a true mom and get off her butt and her pc! lol

Answer 8

If i were you i would sit down with my friend and have a good talk with her, let her know your concerns if nothing changes the i would report her, i know that is a hard thing to do but children come first, they are our future and he is going to be constantly picked on and teased for something that is not his fault. I think that neglect is what is wrong with our youth these days there are so many kids that are brought in this world that are not loved and cared for

Answer 9

She will not wake up unless she has a good wake up call. I agree with the other person who said to request a surprise inspection. Or better yet, have CPS come to your house when the child is dropped off. This way there is no doubt that you have a good reason to be concerned. Once she looses her child then she will wake up. I don't agree to talk to her because then she will suspect that you are the one who called CPS on her.

Answer 10

Before I would report her, I would attempt to have a heart to heart talk with her. Make sure that you don't come across like you are down grading her. She may get offended. It's possible that she may have gotten like this over a matter of months or years, and now isn't really sure how to gain control over her housework, job, time, etc. Maybe if you could offer some help (not do it for her) but help her with some organizational skills, and let her know your concern for the childs well-being... maybe, just maybe she will take you seriously. Best of luck.