befriend my 9 year old son? I'm not comfortable with the idea of such an older child "hanging out" with my son. I insist he associate with children in the same age bracket as him and he claims I'm being over protective.
Would you allow a 14 year old boy to play with a 9 year old boy? What could they possibly have in common with such an age difference?
2007-01-15 04:33:26 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm apprehensive about the idea because of something I read in the news a few years back concerning an older boy and I believe it was his younger sibling (maybe it was a cousin or neighbor, I don't recall but there was a significant age difference) that "accidentally" killed her by rough housing and wrestling with her. He had actually continued to throw her around after she was dead because he state "he didn't realize anything was wrong."
2007-01-15 04:39:43 · update #1
No way, no how! Stick to your guns momma! Sounds fishy to me too! A normal 14 yr old would find a 9 yr old a baby and want nothing to do with him. Why take the chance anyway, it isn't worth it. He can make plenty of friends his own age. Kids learn things to fast nowadays, why let him hang out with an older boy and learn things he doesn't need to know right now?
2007-01-15 04:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by wish I were 6 · 3⤊ 5⤋
It really depends on the child. I would definitely get to know the older boy and perhaps his parents to. They probably have concerns as well. Ask questions of other kids in the neighborhood. They will tell you if you should watch out for him or not. I would only invite him over to your home until you get to know him better. Maybe the boy likes teaching kids things and he sees your son as the little sibling he never had. If at any time you see behavior you don't approve of, end the friendship. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open. Ask your son why he likes to play with him, what they do, things they talk about, etc. Let him know that if he ever feels uncomfortable with the friendship he needs to come and tell you. Good luck!
2007-01-15 04:56:17 · answer #2 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your son what they talk about and what they are playing.. my gosh if they are into baseball or some other kind of sport its not uncommon for an older boy to help a younger one.
Invite the other boy over and talk to him.. even have him over for dinner so you and your husband can figure out what is going on.. one or the other will pick up the good or bad vibes.. but don't just negate the whole thing right away. My goddaughter has a lot of friends in the teenage age bracket they do boating together and older kids like to be mentors sometimes.
2007-01-15 04:43:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's really up to your instincts. If you know this boy and like him, there should no problem.
My older daughter has a friend with an older brother who loves playing with my younger daughter. My daughter is now almost 5 and he is 12. They have loved playing together since my daughter was just over a year. He is so sweet to her and takes great care with her. I would trust him with her even in my absence.
There is much both ages can learn from each other. If kids only play with other kids their age, they are missing out on some of the greatest aspects of 'community,' specifically socializing with people of all ages.
2007-01-15 04:55:38 · answer #4 · answered by just me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and No. I think it depends on each child. Get to know the older boy and his family. You will be able to learn a lot from his family. Talk to his parents about your concerns, possibly they have the same concerns. You and the other parents may be able to reassure each other or together decide it is not a good idea.
It could be, as another poster stated, the older child is just not on the same emotional level as kids his own age for one reason or another. It could be that they do have some things in common, get to know the boy and find out. Do you live near the other child? He may not have any friends near his house. When I was younger I did have friends that were 3 years younger than me because they lived near me and none of my friends my age were close.
You may also want to have a chat with your son about what is appropriate behavior and what is not.
The main thing to do is get to know the boy and his family, you will never know for sure until you know more about him.
2007-01-15 04:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by mommybug 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A developmently normal 14 year old is generally not interested in playing with a 9 year old, so you are right to be wary. 5 years is a big difference in children. Also, what worries me is that 14 is an age when sexual interest begins and what if he is a pervert? I know that sounds paranoid but my best friend's six year old daughter was molested by a 13 year old neighbor so I can't help but worry about things like that. I'm more than likely wrong, but I still would be careful. trust your instincts, if it seems off, try to nip it in the bud!
2007-01-15 05:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think something is wrong. If you can rule out mental retardation for the older boy (if he had a slight case, that would explain why he would have more in common with a 9 yr old). He could be looking after him like a young brother...but at age 14, they should be trying to hang out with older boys and thinking about girls. Rule #1...Always protect your children first and don't care whose toes you step on!
2007-01-15 05:01:15 · answer #7 · answered by Silver B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know someone in the same situation and the older boy just doesn't have the social skills to hang out with kids his own age (very immature,) this doesn't necessarily make him a bad influence but I worry that the other kids that hang around him won't develop socially either. It's a little creepy, but if they want to be friends, I would just maqke sure they're under your supervision (like video games at home rather than taking off to wander the neighborhood,) and make sure your son is getting enough exposure to kids his age that are developing normally. It's fine if the older kid's just a late bloomer, but if he's stunted, it's kinda creepy to have your son around him (the older kid could be a michael-jackson-in training!)
2007-01-15 04:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by rachel 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
My 8 yo nephew loves to play with my 3 yo daughter and my 11 yo sister loves to play with my 3 yo. My husband is 5 years older than me. Even a 13 yo family friend comes and plays with my 8 yo nephew. I think children should play with others both (reasonably) younger and older. It breeds compasion and understanding for those that know more and less than you. Now a 13 yo girl has no business with an 18 yo boy but younger children should be fine with the proper supervision. Always check on your children periodically from 2 years to 17 years, no matter their age they need to be monitored!! You are the parent after all.
2007-01-15 04:42:45 · answer #9 · answered by fairychic77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong with that. My son is 16 and plays football with a big group of boys ranging in age from 11 to 17.
2007-01-15 05:26:21 · answer #10 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 9 years old and there is no way I would allow him to "hang out" with someone that much older than him. When I was 14, I was already sexually active, most of my friends were drinking, smoking, and some were selling drugs. Go with your instincts on this one.
2007-01-15 05:10:08 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋