Hey thanks for reading! Ok, my boyfriend asked me to marry him and i said yes. His mom is totally freaking out about the thing. She thinks that everything has to be perfect. She's practically planning my wedding for me and i don't want her to do that to us. I don't know how to talk to her about it. Also, his dad totally hates me. How can I get him to deal with the fact that I love his son and we will be getting married? How should I talk to his mom about planning our wedding?
2007-01-15 04:26:20 · 16 answers · asked by Maddie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
elope :)
It's YOUR wedding, not hers, just ask her to please respect your wishes. This is a once in a lifetime event and you would like to paln it yourself so that it is special to you and her son.
2007-01-15 04:30:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
If she has good taste, accept her help. I wish my mom or mother in law would have been involved with the planning of my wedding. Let her know that you do want take an active role in planning the wedding because it is the only one you will ever have. My mother in law hates me and there is nothing I can do about that. You are in pretty much the same situation. He will either come around and respect, if not like, you for making his son happy or the two of you will always have, at best, a strained relationship. Invite his mom to help you go dress shopping, that would be a good opportunity for some one on one conversation.
2007-01-15 04:54:30 · answer #2 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Truth of the matter is, no matter how hard you try to get some to see things your way, some people jsut wont ever get that far. I wouldnt worry so hard about it. You are marrying his son- not him.
Now as far as the mother goes. That is a toughie. Maybe she has a reason for wanting to do it all, but in the end that will be irrelevant.
If you want her help, ask for it. If you dont want it, or just want less of it, tell her. You can be very nice about it. You can say, "You know, Ann, that is a wonderful idea, but Mark and I are actually wanting to do it this way" You can give her some part of the wedding to manage such as decorations or choosing a caterer if you like but there is no reason for her to do the whole thing.
If they are contributing a large amount of money into this wedding, the offering for her to pick something to pork on should suffice. If they arent, what you shoose for her to do would be jsut as fine.
In the end it is all about you and you r fiance and how you both envision your wedding to be.
Good luck!
2007-01-15 04:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I 100% disagree with many of the answers. DO NOT confront the FMIL (Future Mother In Law) or ask her to butt out. She will resent you for it and you can NEVER fix that kind of insult.
When she suggests something, tell her that's a great idea and thank her for it. You never HAVE to take advice, unless she's paying for the whole thing. DON'T COUNTER HER ADVICE AS A HABIT. If you counter it just once - fine. But if each time she suggests something you shoot it down, she will resent you for that, too. Etiquette dictates that you basically smile and nod, not tell her off, even if it's gently. It's not your place.
If she's *booking* churches and reception halls, then your fiance needs to step in and deal with her. Make sure that he approaches it with "we", not "she" (meaning you). This means no "Jill thinks you are being overbearing and will ruin her wedding," but rather, "Jill and I have talked about it and while we appreciate all the help you are offering and are so lucky to have you, we really need to be the ones making the final decisions on things."
You sound quite young, so another option will be to have a loooooong engagement. This could be good for you on many levels. It will give you a chance to plan and to save for the wedding. And by being vague about the date, FMIL can't run behind your back and plan anything.
As far as the dad, there is no need to confront him, either. Remember, discussion is just a euphemism for confrontation in this case, especially because it's something so personal. All it will do is create more drama - because chances are that you can't change what he dislikes about you. It will result in hurt feelings on both sides and won't really resolve anything. If the dad doesn't like you, you can try your best to always be polite and mature around him. Being genuinely as nice as you can around him may make him see you differently.
Good luck to you and congrats on your engagement!
2007-01-15 05:33:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you should watch the movie "Monster In Law". There is probably nothing you can do to make his dad necessarily LIKE you, but as an adult and a father, he should be able to see if you make his son happy, he should bear with you at least. Maybe you should talk to your fiance about it and have him talk to his dad. As far as the mother goes though, you definately need to sit down with her and let her know that you would LOVE her input into the wedding and everything, but that isn't the way you had wanted things to be... and explain to her what it is you wanted and also keep in mind she may have some pretty great ideas too.
-EA
2007-01-15 04:36:24 · answer #5 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Watch Monster in Law that might give you some ideas! Just tell his mother that you love her idea's but your going to do this stuff by yourself, and when you need something you'll come to her for advise. In the dad department, I think your boyfriend needs to step up and talk to his dad and have him explain why you guys are getting married, the dad will either understand or don't worry about it, you guys will get married either way!
2007-01-15 04:46:51 · answer #6 · answered by Tommy's_Sweet_Girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell his mom that you are really grateful for the help, but it's your wedding and you want to plan it your way. Tell her that she can help when you need it, but for now she should just lay off and relax. It's your wedding and you should plan it the way you want it.
As for the dad thing, I think you need to talk to him. Ask him what he doesn't like about you, and what you think you should do to try and make things work out. I mean, you don't have to try and fix EVERYTHING, but try and do something that way you'll both enjoy being in the same family.
2007-01-15 04:32:07 · answer #7 · answered by .:Feliciano:. 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, since you and your boyfriend will be paying for the wedding totally by yourselves, you need to be independent and make all of the decisions yourselves. However, some things need to be done in consultation with both sets of parents, so be polite and respectful.
2007-01-15 10:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your mother in law one simple task, such as helping pick favours or the invitations (give her some to choose from that you like) By making her feel a part of it, without letting her completely take over, you'll still have the wedding of YOUR dreams, and she'll still feel a part of it. As for you father in law,don't know what to say. As long as you and your fiance love eachother, it should be enough.
2007-01-15 05:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well one way to avoid this is to elope and then have some sort or reception...if this isn't an option then you and your fiancee have to sit with all the parents and have your say,its your wedding and what you want...i also feel it does not matter who is paying,that does not mean the person paying as the right to decide what will and won't happen...it is still your day
2007-01-15 07:10:55 · answer #10 · answered by charmel5496 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sure if you talked to his mom.. she might have some good ideas..if you think about it for a second.. a wedding is a big thing to plan.. the food, the music,, who to invite?/ all that craziness..? i'm sure she'd be a good help..
if you don't like something she's suggested.. you can let her know politey that you have a different idea..
but i woudn't make her butt out otherwise it will be crazy
2007-01-15 04:31:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋