Question regarding possible child neglect for child I babysit daily?

Question

I currently watch a 4 yr.old boy and i used to be good friends with his mother throughout H.S. The problem is that I started watching her child after we ran into each other again a few months ago. She used to live with her mother but her mother and father both passed away within the last few years and she is now left with very little family contact otherwise. To get to the point, I have noticed that her house is very filthy and reeks of cat urine badly. Her kitchen sink is over run with dirty dishes that run from the sink across the counters to the stovetop with mold growing on them. Her floor of her kitchen consists of dirty laundry next to baskets of clean laundry which sit beside the overflowing cat litter box which is very fowl to say the least, I have even witnessed her childs clothing laying in the exposed litter box. I have had occassions where her child has come to my house and just reeked of cat urine and had to bathe him myself. She has had CPS there but nothings changed

Answer 1

You have to call and report her to CPS. You have an obligation to that child. God forbid anything should happen to the boy, but if something were to happen to him and you didn't report your concerns to CPS, you could be held accountable as well as the mother. I have worked in child care for many years and have had to call CPS on parents. It's frustrating when you don't see results, but as I've been told many times, there has to be a pattern of behavior established before CPS would intervene to the point of removing the child from the home or requiring the mother to make a change by attending parenting classes and having regular visits by CPS. Since you know that CPS has been to her home previously, filing your complaints with them could begin to prove the pattern of abuse/ negligent behavior and they may be able to do more for the child this time. YOU HAVE TO CALL. There is no other option. Take care.

Answer 2

A single mom who has lost both of her parents and has little family contact is probably pretty overwhelmed with even the very basics of life. Not being a good house-keeper does not necessarily translate into child neglect. How is the little boy? Does he appear to be well cared for? Is he being fed regularly at home? Other than smelling of cat urine is he clean and are his clothes the right size in decent repair? Is he happy? CPS will come out to a home on a suspicion of child neglect, abuse, or endangerment. However, if they find no signs of danger to the child, they have no jurisdiction over deciding if someone's house is not clean enough. If you feel the child is being neglected and you are a licensed child care provider, than legally you must report your suspicions. If the child himself does not show any signs of neglect and you are caring for the little boy as a favor to your friend, perhaps you could offer to help her out in some way. If her son is at your house every day, maybe you could offer to give him a bath in the morning and get him dressed. If she would bring you a load or two of laundry when she drops him off, you could wash and fold her clothes for her. If she had been living with her mom until her mom died, perhaps she just doesn't have the practice, skill, or time to keep the house clean. Invite her to your house for dinner and ask her to help you clean up after dinner so she can see how you do things. I am sure she needs a friend more than she needs a visit from CPS unless you truly feel the little boy is being neglected. Even then, she may need some parenting classes and a friend to help her out.

Answer 3

You know i bet this girl is suffering from depression. It must be hard to pretty much be alone after her parents passing. With her working and trying to raise a child maby she dosent have the time or energy to clean like she should. Depression could cause you to go into denial. Maby she thinks her house really isnt that bad. I think she might really need a good friend and alot of help now. Offer her some help as a guift or something. Probably if you just said you need to clean your house you are going to offend her. Ask her if you could come over and cook her some dinner one night so she can relax and just spend quality time w/ her child. She might would appericate the rest. After dinner try cleaning by saying well ill clean up my mess you go relax. Try to get what you can done. Maby do a few loads of laundry while washing dishes. But a $2 bag of cat litter at wal-mart(whats $2 out of your pocket when it comes to the wailfare of a child)and tell her you had it at your house and didnt need it. Change the cat litter. Ask her if there is anything else you can do for her while your there. Tell her you know how hard she has had it and you are more than happy to help her do anything around the house for her if she lets you that DO IT for the child. Maby offer to clean house for her a couple times a week. Maby she could pay you a few bucks. I think it would be worth it to know the baby is playing in a clean enviroment. that would be rewarding enough for me. Help her till she no longer need help. Good luck and i hope you find out how to help this poor woman. Taking her baby away woul probablr make her depression even worse and could possiably push her over the deep end if you know what i mean. Would you want something like that on your mind.

Answer 4

One of the answers given is absolutely right, some people just have no idea what is acceptable and what is not (as far as housekeeping goes). What you've described goes beyond a dirty house...it could be life threatening where mold and pet urine/fecal are present. It sounds like you have a very gentle, sweet side to you. I'll bet you could say something to your former friend without hurting her feelings. It may be as simple as "informing" her that her living conditions are unacceptable for ANY human being, much less a child or baby (except not so blunt). I'm not sure of her personality, but offering to help her could be a two-edged sword. You may end up feeling obligated each week (at her request) to help her, or if you just show her 1 time how to clean her house, that might be it! You don't know.

I doubt that she will ostricize you from the little boy; sounds like she needs your help too much. If you offer to help her and do help her and then the problem continues, unfortunately, you owe it to him to get him out of that environment (CPS). I was a single mother for 14 years (ever since he was born) and worked full time; sorry, people, but there's no excuse for that, depression or not (been there with the depression too).

I pray that God gives you wisdom. I feel sorry for both of them.

Answer 5

If CPS has been there, turning her in will probably not do anything. She may be feeling overwhelmed and just plain tired (that is not an excuse but solving a problem starts with understanding). There are lots of really cool websites for home organization but I have found one that I am in love with www.flylady.com
the Flylady really helps to talk you through getting the house under control. If this woman in online, tell her about this site.
There is always the direct approach, "You know Teresa, quite often, Timmy arrives smelling badly of cat urine. I know that you wouldn't want him to smell like that so I thought I'd let you know." It might encourage her to keep the litter changed.
It is always hard when someone lives differently than we do, but it is important to look at things from the other side. She probably spent all of Sunday doing laundry and spending what little time she could with her son which left her no time to fold laundry. So it has to sit to be dug through for the next two weeks while she tries to get her son and her ready to go in the morning and arriving home just in time to feed him, and put him to bed. After just a few days like this, the mountain of dishes and laundry must just be overwhelming. You wouldn't know where to start.
I'm fairly sure that she hates her house as much as you do but short of taking two days off of work to clean it, she has to try to snatch time to clean and the only place that time can come from is time from her son or time from much needed sleep. Maybe you could offer to take the boy to a movie or just watch him for free for a weekend to give her a chance to clean without feeling guilty about robbing her son of time.
You can help teach the little boy to help around the house too. Teaching him to fold clothes and to help rinse and wash dishes will help him to learn these skills. You have him all day and Mom does not have the opportunity to teach him these things and probably isn't teaching them. My 4yr old is expected to help me fold his clothes and put them away and he puts his dishes in the sink when he is finished and he even helps me load the dishwasher (he is an expert silverware loader).
It is really hard to see a child suffer, but you should think about whether he is in danger and whether the trauma of foster care would be worth it for him.
I hope some of this helps.

Answer 6

Sounds like this young mother is overwhelmed ... perhaps you could help her instead of critiquing her. Both her parents passed away recently means her support group has shrank considerably and very painfully. How about the father of the child does he help with any of the necessities?
Not everyone leaves home equipped to be a good house wife, provider financially for family and parent all wrapped into one. Add a dose of grieving and coping and you end up with someone that needs a friend and helping hand to help cope and overcome their adversity.
Or you could just be the kind of person that blames her for not being as strong as you would be in that situation.

Answer 7

It's awfully serious to take someone's child away from them. Are you sure it's unclean enough for that? Is the boy himself neglected? Is he malnourished? Is he dirty? Does he have lice? Does he wear filthy clothes? If not, I would not call CPS again. If you think it IS affected the child badly enough to warrant him being taken away from his mommy which is the most traumatic thing that can happen to a child, then call the CPS hotline.

Answer 8

Maybe you explain to her how bad it would be to lose her child just because of a nasty house and offer to help her clean it up. I have a friend that I helped clean house for because of a similar situation. Maybe she just needs a little help getting the house under control.

Answer 9

What a terrible situation! Maybe you should approach her by starting off with "I can't imagine the amount of stress you must be under, but...?" Unless, of course, you think she'd cut off all ties with you. You're probably the only decent person that poor baby has in his life... I wish they'd give out licenses before people could become parents!!!

Answer 10

If she works all day and cares for a 4 year old at night she could use some housework help.
Could you offer to help her?