From crush to friendship?

Question

I have this new coworker for few months, I LIKE her lot, but she seem not interested, i asked her out once two month ago and now recently. she refusssed.
how i can be be just friend with her/ and how i let her know that now i want freindship nothing more.... instead giving her the felling that i am still following her,,
Should i just go to her and tell her or just play it cool?

Answer 1

play it cool. Never a bad option.

Answer 2

tell her that even though she dosen't want to be more than just friends you would still like to be her friend and take it from there

Answer 3

Hi there,

You sound like a really lovely guy and who really likes this girl enough to want to be friends with her if nothing else, but I would try and not encourage her to be one if she is acting the way she is and not wanting to reciprocate your feelings even on a friendship level.

It is not going to be easy but I think that asking her why she isn't interested in you now will not help the situation at all and it is unlikely that she will want to tell you why she isn't interested and will feel as if she has been put on the spot by you and make her push you away even more. It sounds like to me that she has changed her mind about you and possibly because she did not mean to encourage you to like her in that way?.

There are a number of reasons why she isn't interested now, but what is important now is that you do not allow this friendship with her to continue the way it is if it is making her unhappy being around you. She clearly does not want even friendship with you and is probably finding it difficult to tell you or make her feelings clear that she isn't interested in you even as a friend.

Sometimes, we get to know people who we like and we can begin to feel very fond of them when we have gotten to know them for some time and so what might have happened is that you felt more for her than she perhaps did for you, but that you thought that perhaps she liked you in the same way?. People are complex beings and this girl has just changed her mind or did not mean to confuse you if she didn't really feel anything back for you?.

I would just keep your distance from this girl and do nothing to make her feel as if she has to talk to you or explain herself to you because she might not even be aware that she has made you feel the way you do about her and never really had a crush on you in the first instance. It is easy to misinterpret other people's behaviours and emotions and responses and all of us at one time or another have done this with another person.

It happened to me once and this guy just kept pursuing me and because I was too afraid to reject his feelings in case I hurt him, I couldn't find a way of letting him know that I did not want anything from him at all and so this led to him thinking that I was interested in him when I wasn't at all. I think that if you try and get this girl to talk to you, the more pressurre she will feel to have to comply with you and if she doesn't want to, then it is far better to leave her to her own thing and for you to get on with your own thing and start to put this woman behind you and move on.

I would also say that because she is your co-worker it would be much better to ignore her as much as possible and so that she does not end up accussing you of sexual harrassment or something similiar if she is going to ignore you. I would tread very carefully and perhaps even look for a new job if it is going to be too hard to get over her whilst working with her too. This situation isn't a good one and it would be in your best interests to remain as far away from her as possible so that she does not get the wrong idea and feels as if she is being stalked or harrassed by you and makes any complaint about it. I would definitley not do anything with this woman to let her know how you feel and to either let it be or get a new job altogether.

It isn't your fault if she has been giving out the wrong signals, but maybe she didn't know that she was doing this with you and encouraging you to feel the way you do about her?. But one thing is clear and that is she does not want to know and if this is the case, to acceppt it and get over it and/or to move onto another job in case this situation esculates into something you will later come to regret. You cannot make her like you and neither can you go chasing her in the work place if this is likely to turn ugly.

Let her go and start to look to your own needs and perhaps meeting other women who are single and available?. What are your interests outside of work? - if you don't have any, then build some and so that you can get out and meet other people and possibly look for a new job if this one is only going to make you feel miserable because of this woman who is ignoring you and you are lusting after her. The worse thing you can do is to dwell upon this woman more and more and to turn her into an obsession in your mind. You have to let her go and because she may very well accusse you of various things if she does not return the feelings you have and becomes afraid of you.

You need to look at this in this way and because she is clearly keeping her distance anyway from you. Keep yourself safe and protected and by keeping your distance too and to not discuss your feelings with her or to make her feel that she should have to talk to you - she then cannot accusse you of harrassing her. So no, do not pursue this situation any further and to simply get her out of your mind or to look around for a new job or one that you can take part time and make this one part time.

I think that you have done the right thing by asking for advice and am giving you the advice you do need if you want to sort this issue out. I really think that you are better off by not doing anything and to not initiate any communication with her unless it is purely to do with work. Keep your distance and start to see that she does not want anything to do with you. This isn't nice, but rejection is something we all go through in our lives and you are not alone in this, but just be aware that she is your work colleague and she could accusse you of harrassment so just keep your distance.

I wish you so much luck and hopefully by following this advice you will come out of it safe, but my advice is to not talk to this girl nor try and make her talk to you for the reasons I have mentioned above.