When to have kids?

Question

I am about to get married, and i want to know from people who ACTUALLY HAVE KIDS, what advice do you have on when to have kids? is there anything i should get done before i have kids? what things DO YOU THINK i shouldn't worry about until afterwards. I want to have kids soon, but not sure how soon yet. Any advice?

Answer 1

When me and my husband got married we first got a home, traveled a bit, enjoyed each others company to the max., saved money in the bank then we got pregnant. It all seemed to fall into place pretty well and has ever since.

Answer 2

My advice is simple: don't have kids for the first 2-3 years of marriage. Live in a couple, not a family. Marriage is MUCH different from dating, and it's easier to get a strong foundation before introducing a complication (kids) into the mix.

Kids are great! Don't get me wrong!

1) Travel where you've always wanted to travel...NOW! Once you have kids, traveling becomes more complicated.


2) Save for a house....NOW! Kids are expensive. To give birth alone can easily cost over $3000! Start with a starter home and move up, but get a home.

3) Get in shape. I can't stress that enough. After having a baby you'll find that you're exhausted just from watching your beautiful child and doing things around the house.

4) Do things as a couple! Enter dancing competitions, do couples massages, etc. Find out how great life is together before skipping to kips.

5) Don't let a desire get ahead of reality. Kids are great, but they are also incredibly difficult. The first three months alone can break or make a marriage.

While I'm sure you and your husband-to-be are great together, learn about each other as a married couple. Work on strenghtening your marriage and nailing out details as to how you'll raise your children, but don't jump ahead until you are both ready. Unless you're 35, you're going to be in prime childbearing age now and in 5 years.

Answer 3

I think a couple needs time to adjust to being married before children come into the picture. They also need to go places alone and have time for just them. Once children come your relationship will have to get used to putting a baby first and some relationships can't handle the strain. Travel and go places that aren't suitable for kids or will be harder for you to go to once you have kids. Also financially, you might not be able to do things. I had my first when I was 26. Sometimes I wish I had my children even sooner. Just due to the fact the younger you have them the more time you will have with them, as well you will still be young when they are grown and still be able to do things. But with age they say comes patience and wisdom. So those are good traits for parents. Ideally I would say between 24-25 is the best age.

Answer 4

OK I recommend waiting at least 1 year after you get married so you can have some time together with your hubby then after that it will be up to you and him! There is nothing to really to do but I will say make sure there is stable income and build up your savings! Also are you living in a place that has the room for an addition to the family or should you look into something else? it is a pain to make a move with a newborn so look at all the options you have. But enjoy your time with you husband because once you have a little one your private time will be almost non existent!

Answer 5

Kids will come when you and your husband are ready. Nobody can tell you when that is.

However, don't fall into that trap of "We will have kids when we can afford it"..... Trust me, you will never afford it.. LOL You just do it.

Spend some quality time with the new spouse and get use to the marriage first. Both of you will know when it is time to have kids.. plan it together. It can be as soon as your wedding night or in 10 years.

I'd suggest that you have your insurance in order first, know how you are going to support the child and have a plan for maternity leave etc. Once you know the how's... pick a when with your husband... and then do it. :)

Children bring a lot to a marriage.. enjoy it.. :)

Answer 6

Make sure you have some money because in the next twenty your wallet is theirs!!! Also I would make sure that you have traveled where you want to go. Before I have kids I want a good career so I can support them.
WHEN you have the kids I would advice going into a program called ECFE Early CHildhood Family Education. It allows your kids to make friends at an early age and allows you to learn how to be a better parent.
Congratulations on the marriage! and good luck!

Answer 7

No one ever believes this but kids change your life. Really change your life. There are years before you can do anything without first considering you have kids. So once you have kids they are your priority. Nothing for you, all for them.
Having said that. Please take time to get your marriage working and on very solid footing before you add children to the mix. You are the only one who can decide when you are ready, able (you work or not work), have enough money, are emotionally stable and good to go.
Children are the best if you remember to enjoy them and not get bogged down, take time for yourself, take time out for you and your husband, both of you are not trying to work full time, each of you has away time alone, and that you ask for all the help you can from family and friends.
Whew....guess I had an opinion.

Answer 8

When you feel you are emotionally ready to be the best parent you can be. I found that the finances and everything else we tend to fret about before baby arrives have a way of working themselves out once baby is here. The biggest question is ourselves. In all probability that lottery win is never going to come. Life is always going to throw a curveball just as you think you are all set up. I reckon if you and your partner both want it, just go for it. Within reason, you tend to find that God provides and you find inner strengths for your children that you never knew you had before they arrived.

Answer 9

My wife and I both have decent jobs but we decided collectively to hold off on the chilluns until all financial affairs were in order.No debts, Low stable mortgage,large savings account.Our plan was to eliminate financial stresses (as much as possible) from our own personal relationship to ensure a less stress full environment for our kids as they grew.3.5 years later all is well! Do not underestimate the cost of children,financially and emotionally.GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

I think that u and your new husband need time to bond before children.. To let him know when u feel u want them and to make sure he is ready to know and accept being a parent..Financially you want to be secure. Children are wonderful but they are a life time responsibilities, and care.. Do take a course on parenting before u have a Gift from God..Good luck