My fiancees parents do not believe in divorce and they think he should keep persueing his ex wife even tough they have been divorced almost two years. We have been dating one year. His father is a pastor and he will not marry us because he said it goes aginiast his christianity. I am a christian but I feel like this is going over board. Also his parents say that they will love me despite the fact that we should not be together. This hurts my feelings and does not feel like real aceptance. Any thoughts or ideas on how to handle this?
2007-01-15 03:22:01 · 22 answers · asked by love me despite it all 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
This is whole story. I am born again as well as him. I am 25 and he is 29
2007-01-15 03:28:33 · update #1
Ouch, I don't blame you for feeling like you're not accepted. I'm not religious, although I think that I can understand their viewpoints and that they don't like that their son is divorced. But he is divorced and he's now happy with you, which should be what matters. Hmm...have you tried talking to them about this? I know it's nothing personal against you, but have you asked them if there is anything you can do to make this an easier transition for everyone? Also, you've told your fiancee how you feel, right? Maybe the two of you can talk to his parents together...they know that there's no way he's going back to his ex, right? Aside from that the only thing I can think of to do is give it time. Since it sounds like they have nothing against you, in time they'll come to accept you and love you too.
2007-01-15 03:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by bashleyf2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, when you marry someone, you get their family too, bad or good. Beliefs that are based on religion are usually VERY hard to change, so I would not count on changing his parents thoughts on divorce. That means you will probably alwas have this thing between you and his parents, so be prepared to deal with it if you have to have any contact with them. Also depends on your fiancees' feelings. If he is not telling his parents where he stands and is not strong enough to stick up for you and the relationship, then I would be concerned.
2007-01-15 03:30:36 · answer #2 · answered by broncoguy75048 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiancee has made his choice by divorcing his first wife, even though his parents disapproved. This is your choice to make - If you love him enough, marry him knowing that this issue may be between you and your inlaws for years. They sound like honest and open people - hopefully they will be able to realize that what matters is your and your fiancee's opinions, not theirs.
If it gets bad enough, just move 500 miles away from his parents. A degree of space makes a big difference in relationship sometimes.
2007-01-15 03:30:44 · answer #3 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe they are right. Did your financee bolt as soon as the going got tough? Or was there violence and adultry in the marriage that the parents are not aware of? Either way, things can be forgiven and marriages can be worked on if both parties are willing to give it 100%. Having said that, he is already divorced. The parents should not hold that over your head (unless you were the reason for the divorce).
2007-01-15 03:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by Silver B 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Oh jeez. Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
Since you're marrying the offspring of these people, you're going to have to deal with them. I don't mean for that to sound cold because I know, first hand, what it feels like to be rejected by your other half's parents. But you are going to have to be cordial to them, unless they do something really off-the-wall and hateful.
The best thing you can do is show them that their son didn't make a mistake by divorcing and re-marrying. Let them know how happy you guys are together and how successful the marriage is.
Best of luck to you, hon!
2007-01-15 03:36:48 · answer #5 · answered by Joa5 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The pastor should refuse to marry a divorced person if that is his conviction. Just get another pastor. I believe the pastor in that he will love you even though his beliefs prohibit him from performing your wedding. He seems to be a good man of faith, and has made good choices for his ministry. Don't take it personal.
2007-01-15 03:36:02 · answer #6 · answered by Fish <>< 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You want some honest truth? You are marrying into a family of nut-jobs. If you want to be happy - move far away from Pastor Daddy and be married. If your milquetoast fiancee is against that idea, then drop him like a hot rock.
2007-01-15 03:29:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
His father is apparently a Bible-believing Christian. He is following (and as a pastor, is upholding) Biblical Christianity. (Cf. Matthew 5:32 and I Corinthians 7:10ff)
You and your fiance are going your own way, and his father won't accommodate your disobedience. I can't blame him.
However, if the parents say that they will love you in spite of your disobedience, then I would believe them. It sounds as though they are people of their word.
2007-01-15 03:35:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's your Fiancee that needs to handle his parents. They may say that they will love you, but if they don't think you should be together, then that's a lie. You need to push your fiancee into tell them to back off. If your fiancee doesn't do anything about it, then he's choosing them over you.
2007-01-15 03:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Conscious-X 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-20 05:48:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋