am I wrong for thinking a 9 yr old should be able to go to bathroom at nite without waking mom up to take her?

Question

I just married a woman with a 9yr old daughter who I feel is being babied but i also know nothing about being a dad .and just want to know if I am wrong for feeling that 9 is old enough .to not need to wake us to have us take her to bathroom ..and that is just part of it she wont go to bed unless one of us take her ..her mom tells me all the time shes just 9 but i feel that would be ok at 4 or even 7 but not 9 am I way off base here

Answer 1

No you are not wrong for thinking such. I have a 10yr old boy and he has been going to the bathroom by himself for since forever (at least 2yrs.old). She needs to break the habit quickly.
I have a sister-in-law that still feeds her 5yr.old like I feed my 9month old. (kid you not!!!) I don't know what is going on in the heads of some of these parents. Over-protection is only going to ruin them in the end when they face the harsh reality of the real world!!!!!

Answer 2

No your right. 9 is def old enough to be able to go to the toilet alone at night. Do you leave the hall light on or something. If not maybe she is scared of the dark or something and you should try leaving a light on so she can see easier. If you do then she should have no reason to wake you, but then every child is different. It depends how they have been bought. If she has been completely babied then she will still do this and the mother now needs to do something about it. As for going to bed on her own, she should be ok doing this as well. Again, maybe try the light thing or maybe just watching her from the bottom of the stairs and not going all the way with her. This may make her a bit more comfortable than not going at all as she will know you are there 'if anything happened' on the way. Kids imaginations can run a bit wild sometimes!

Answer 3

When my FOUR year old daughterhas to go to the bathroom she gets out of her bed. goes ALL the way across the hall shuts the door and goes. If my 4 year old wants some crackers she walks down stairs goes through the hall then the living room, and then the dinig room to the kitchen. She pulls up a chair to the cabanit climbs on the chair and poors some crackers in a bowel. If she cant sleep she isnt aloud to wake me up she justs goes to the living room pulls up a chair to the walunite picks out a movie walks to her room puts the video in and lays on her blow up couch with a blanket and falls asleep. She is totaly independent and since we live in a pretty huge house its even more impressive. Tell her that if a four year old does it she can. Also that is the most rediculous thing I've ever heard 9 year olds are almost a pre teen. Discover what is scaring her and if she is mentaly ill in some way or is afraid of ghosts tell her there is no such thing. See a sicriatrist I am worried about her. This is a serious problem.

Answer 4

I think it's ABNORMAL for a 9 year old to have to wake anyone to take her to the bathroom. She might be afraid of the dark ---get a couple of nightlights that can provide a comforting and subtle light towards the bathroom. Also, to limit her liquid intake before bedtime; let her have her last drink of water (or milk or whatever) at least 1 hour before bed time. You can also give her a little cute flash light that she can use to light her way to the bathroom. Also, is her bedroom too far from the bathroom? if so, you might want to move her sleeping quarters closer to the bathroom. Spend some time with her before bed time, perhaps reading a story, or playing a board game will help ---this might alleviate her anxiety to have her mom hold her hand in the middle of the night.

I have an 8 year old daughter who's been going to the bathroom at night since she was in pre-school. It's okay to wake up if your kid isn't feeling well, but this bathroom scenario is a bit off the wall.

This may also be a way for the child to get attention from her mom who now has this new person in her life (you). Involve your step daughter in your activities, take park outings, beach trips, and fun activities together (amusement parks!) bring her little treats once in a while, a favorite books perhaps? take her to a movie, or better yet ---plan a slumber party with her friends so that she can not only share family time with you, but also reinforce her own social circle.

Let your new wife that you want to be there for her and her daughter, but that part of parenting is giving children the tools to build self confidence and not rely on others for small things. Big things like parenting advice, quality time, teaching them good morals and principles are big things that you both definitely want to be involved in. But sharing the graveyard shift on taking this rather older child to the bathroom is actually detrimental to her development and independence.

Be open to dialogue, and remind her that better sleep makes for better and more productive parents.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I would say that is a bit silly to take a 9 year old to the bathroom at night. My 4 year old gets up on her own and goes, I just leave the light on at nigt in there for her. If she needs help she will call me, but 8 times out of 10 she goes on her own. I also have a 10 year old that wouldn't think about waking me up. Seems a bit strange. Good Luck with that one, but yes I would say a bit babied!

Answer 6

The bedtime thing is normal, she is still average age to be put to bed by a parent. The bathroom thing is strange, because it is routine, not just here n there. I would not interfere with it, simply tell your concerns to your wife in very neutral terms and leave it at that. The child could have a urinary or other medical condition. If she is getting up a lot at night, that is a sign of diabetes.
But consider...you just got married, the girl could simply be exibiting a psycholocigal reaction, needing reassurance from her mom that she is still loved, even with this new person in their life. She will need time, and don't be afraid to try spending a lil one on one time with her often, this may help alleviate the symptoms, the concern, and strengthen your bond as well.

Answer 7

My 2 year old can go on his own! Does her mom come to the school to take her to the bathroom? leave a light on and make her go without her mom. As for you taking her no man should be in the same room as a less than dressed 9 year old girl, you don't want anyone to think the wrong thing!

Answer 8

Did it ever occur to you that part of the reason this child is doing this is because of some MAJOR changes that have occured in her life? "I just married a woman with a 9yr old daughter " Or did you not say that? Give the kid a break, she has a lot to get used to. If after a few months things don't settle down THEN become concerned. Sounds to me as if you're jealous...Show some compassion.

Answer 9

You never know what is going on in a child mind, you really need to set down and have a talk with your wife and daughter, I mean does she have developemental problems and is really younger in her mind? Also she is going through changes in her life because you have just married. This may be causing some of the behavior. But at any rate set down and talk this over with your wife. Ask her questions like has this always been this way or is this knew sense we have married? Ask your wife if there is a way you can work out a plan or stratagy to help your step daughter to cope with these night things on her on. Sometimes just a little communication and sympothizing with your wifes and step daugther's needs will help you accomplish what you need and want in the marriage.

Answer 10

My cusin's daughter is only 3 years old and she goes to the bathroom by herself. So, your not wrong for thinking that 9 is old enough. But when I was 9, I was scared to go to the bathroom in the night so I didn't even go to the bathroom in the night time at all.