My daughter moved out over a year ago with her boy friend. The car is in my name and she hasnt made a car payment or insurance payment in over 11 months. Neither of them have a job, and live with his mom in the basement. If I take the car back she will not be able to go to collage, (she gets lousy grades) or get a job. Shes 22, and he drives the car.
2007-01-15 01:40:24 · 23 answers · asked by mike s 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I would take it back so fast, she would hear the giant sucking sound of the air rushing into its empty parking space. There is a fine line between bumming around a little in your youth, and being a bum for life. Your daughter is teetering on the fence. Don't be afraid of her being mad at you. Be her mother.... not her buddy.
2007-01-15 01:49:25 · answer #1 · answered by I fear my government 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it back...man, what ever happened to hard knocks?
My parents didn't give me any extra. I paid for my first car, they did co-sign, but I paid every penny. I got the basic necessities and have never regretted or held a grudge against my parents. In fact I feel it has made me the person I am today.
If she doesn't have it, you will find out how serious she is about growing up, getting a job and/or going to school.
Or make stipulations, she keeps an A average she can keep the car, and/or she pay you $100 a month or what ever for the use of the car.
And trust me, as a single adult who just went back to college...an A average isn't hard if you really want it! Last semester closed and I still have a 4.0 GPA...work FT 40-45 hrs a week and pay my own rent, car, ins. utilities etc. Its not easy, but it can be done.
2007-01-15 10:21:44 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTELY
and give her a way back......you can have the car if you move home, get a job/or/go to school and get decent grades. Then you will continue to make payments and pay the car insurance if she complies. Ultimately you want your daughter to be successful but SHE has to want to be successful, too. All you can do is point the way and don't enable her to live as a low life. The next you know, she'll be pregnant, he'll throw her out and you'll have your daughter and grandchild living in your house. You'll be supporting her for another 20 years.....
2007-01-15 09:50:57 · answer #3 · answered by miatalise12560 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom, go get your car back! She's not a baby. She made the decision to move out of your home. As long as you keep making it easy for her she won't learn to do anything for herself. And why on earth is he driving your car??? If she wants to get to school bad enough, or to a job, she'll find a way. It's part of growing up, which she isn't doing if she's still using your car and staying with her boyfriend's mom. She should have thought about this before she moved out. Dig your heels in and stand your ground! You'll be doing the right thing.
2007-01-15 10:05:25 · answer #4 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to do this with my daughter - although she is only 18. We gave her clear expectations and let her know under no uncertain terms that the car belonged to us. As she continued to violate our rules and limitations (being places she was not supposed to be, lying about her whereabouts, getting speeding tickets), we told her we were going to sell it and we did.
It is truly hard to do something like that because you don't want to see your kids suffer and you want to make things easier for them. But if she won't be responsible, you are only enabling her to remain "helpless" if you shelter her from the consequences of her bad choices. If she had obtained this car through a dealer, it would have already been repossessed and she'd need to grow up and deal with it. Yes, my daughter has had to mooch rides off of others and may end up losing her part-time job, but that's what happens in life when you make poor choices.
Take the car, sell it, and buy yourself a great big LCD TV with the money (that's what we did).
By the way, my daughter STILL isn't growing up and/or taking responsibility for her actions, but at least we aren't sponsoring her irresponsibility anymore. We gave her a chance to have it easy - she is learning the hard way, but that's been her choice.
2007-01-15 13:17:25 · answer #5 · answered by CorgiMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs some motivation for her own good. You're doing her no favors by giving her everything she wants. What happens later when you're not around to help her anymore.
I would tell her that she needs to start paying for her use of the car or she needs to return it. She's going to see this as unfair and mean, but she's going to continue interpreting anything against her as unfair until she starts seeing the world as it really is.
Most people have jobs in college and get by just fine. She can do it too.
2007-01-15 09:47:16 · answer #6 · answered by Meridianhawk42 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take it, if she hasn't made a car payment that means your are getting bad credit or your making the payments. You don't need to be doing either. She doesn't seem to be responsible letting him drive the car. I think your just buying him the car. I'd take it back.
2007-01-15 09:46:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you give her the car or did she take it? If you gave it to her and she was not expected to make payments- then you should lety her keep it.
If she was expected to make payments and did not or if she took it with out your expressed consent give her a time frame of when it must come back into your possesion before you will involove the authorities.
If this is a car that you cosigned for and it was expressly for her, you need to see a lawyer since you are the one held liable for it.
2007-01-15 09:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by jettyspagetti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you talked to her about the car in the past? I feel you can't just take it away without a prior conversation to her responsibilities concerning said car, but if that conversation has taken place, by all means, take the car. She is a young adult and if the car wasn't in your name it would have been taken away already.Why doesn't her boyfriend work? Why doesn't she work? at that age they should both at least have part-time jobs
2007-01-15 10:06:48 · answer #9 · answered by bluesgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your an asshole for giving her the car to begin with and then now wondering if you should take it back. First off, why didn't you guys buy, or help her buy, a car when she was 16??? Then by now at 22 it have already been paid off. WTF is wrong with parents today, they look at driving as a luxury and use it against their children. Having a car is NOT a luxury, do you see many CEOs taking the bus because they do not have a licence, or they do not own a car??? Get real. It's necessary for her to make something better of her self.
2007-01-15 09:48:39 · answer #10 · answered by Gig 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋