am i mean for not wanting dog to sleep in my bed???

Question

Pls help, my bf is driving me mad, he says that i am mean for not letting our dog sleep in our bed & has now taken to sleeping on settee with dog (sad i know), he is foreva telling me i am mean because i do not give in to her. at 1 point i refused to let her on the settee/chairs but he has given into her & lets her on them, anyone would think he is having a relationship with the dog i think she even believes they are as she is foreva by his side, sat on his lap for cuddles & cries for him if he goes for a bath or goes out for a while, he treats her like a baby i am now getting to the point where i am resenting the dog (& him). pls help & give some advice on what i can do.

Answer 1

Generally, a relationship is much happier if both parties are willing to accept each other with all their quirks and foibles.
Too often women enter into a relationship and start remodeling. Leave things be. Love him, love his dog. If you don't like the idea of playing second fiddle to his dog, than it's probably less stressful for all parties concerned if you just find yourself a new home, a new bed and new bed partner.

Answer 2

Hi I'm Paul from London and have 2 Dobermans a male and female. I've seen this happen before with my friends dog. After a while your dog will think she is higher than you in the pecking order in your home with your BF. The end result will be that she will bite you because she thinks is higher than you in the pecking order. What you explained has all the wrong signs for your dog. You must remember that dogs should be treated as dogs not treated or talked to like babies or children. When a dog gets on a chair it thinks it's more senior in the pack because it's higher, as for the bed this is a massive No No. Dogs should be in their own bed as it's their own secure area were they safe, also on the floor underneath you both at the bottom of the pecking order. She will always be at your BF side because she think that's what she is suppose to, plus all this business treating her like a baby and I'm sure your BF speaks like a baby to her, plus looking and staring into her eyes are all the wrong signals. Your going down a very rocky road. My own advice would be to stop all sitting on any chairs or beds and make her sit in her own bed. Also no treats of any kind, she might wine but she does that to get your attention and try to make you give in, this is also the same reason why she wines when your BF is in the bath, because she knows he is weak and will give in. When she does wine or bark, turn your back and totally ignore her and DON'T LOOK IN TO HER EYES, this is very important. Also ignore her in the mornings for 10 min with no eye contact,only then you can stroke her but not over the top without any baby talk. have your own breakfast before she has hers. Never let the dog in the kitchen when your eating and never never let her eat of your plates.Makes me sound very mean, but i love dogs and i have 2 really well behaved dogs, which has taken me a lot of training. Well i hope this help any other advice i can help with pls drop me a line. All the best, Paul.

Answer 3

I have a dog and she more or less does as she pleases (she is a mature lady) but I would never allow her to sleep on my bed. Apart from reasons of hygiene and aesthetic considerations, it is not natural for a dog to exist on an equal par with humans and as someone else said, it does set up separation problems. A dog must know its place in the pecking order and it looks up to you as the pack leader. A dog also gains comfort from having his own place to sleep, which becomes his refuge.

Your b/f is definitely being unreasonable and his unwillingness to accept some sort of compromise is not a good sign for the future. I would have a serious think about this, actually.

Answer 4

i dont think you are mean. some people cannot sleep very well if their pet is in the bed with them and lets face it, who needs to function properly in the morning? you or the dog who sleeps 20hours a day. it does sound like you and your husband need to compromise though. what if the dog had her own soft bed in your room would that be enough?? as for the chairs is it the fur that bothers you? maybe let her on one and not the others-- yes dogs can learn which ones they can go one mine have. you really need to have a talk about rules before the problem gets too big but love and spoiling are not the same thing and spoiling does just that-ruins a good dog.

Answer 5

NO, dogs are pack animals, and by your bf allowing the dog on the sofa this is telling the dog that they are equal. this means when the dog has done something wrong the dog wont listen because the the dog believes that they are equal, whereas with you the dog will believe you are the alfa (in charge) and do what you say. if you shout or get worked up at the dog or your bf for him allowing the dog onto the bed/sofa, the dog will be confused, instead try praising the dog for laying or sitting on the floor. try turning your back on the crying and talk to her as if she was a baby after all dogs are simple animals and only understand simple things.

Answer 6

First of all there is NOTHING mean about not wanting the dog to be in your bed. I do not allow mine in bed or on furniture either. Mine has a nice comfy dog pillow on the floor NEXT to my bed. She is very happy there.
This is your dog? Is it your place too and he just stays occasionally?
Then you should be the one setting the rules. If the boyfriend doesn't like the rules you two need to do some serious talking. It is very confusing to an animal when one master has a set of rules and the other has a different set. You two must come up with rules that you can BOTH agree on. Nicely tell him why you want things the way you do (like not having your furniture ruined and covered with dog hair).
If the two of you can not come to a shared set of rules then you are in trouble. Please do not have children with him, he will always be undermining your rules.
You may want to rethink his behavior. If this is the way he respects your rules and your values he is not working with you as a team, he is working against you.
As for choosing the dog over you? That is a bit strange. I would be very concerned about that too. It is just not right.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

He may say he loves his dog, but who would want to make their dog so dependant that it can't cope with them being out of the room long enough to have a bath? Thats so sad for the dog.
I agree that I wouldn't want the dog in the bed. And I'd be concerned if my b/f was sleeping on the sofa, with or without the dog.
I honestly don't know what to suggest that would help you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Dogs are animals, it's as simple as that . He shouldn't be insisting that your pet sleeps in the same bed as you, it's unhygienic. You need to put your foot down about this, whip that sentimental boyfriend's priorities into shape and make sure the dog knows who is pack leader.

My friend has a very affectionate dog which sleeps with her and her husband in their room, but who also has her own bed in the corner and is not allowed on their bed. She has also learnt that when she has dirty paws she gets washed, to the extent where she will put herself into the bath and wait if necessary!

You wouldn't let a horse in bed with you, or even your best mate, why should the dog be any different...

Good luck!

Answer 9

You are smarter then most people here for raising your dog like a DOG. Your boyfriend is the one with the issues. You have made your self understood to your dog that you are NOT on the same level with her, and never will be. She respects you for it. Your BF has also made it clear to the dog where he stands with her, and that is on the same level as she is. Not a good idea. Your dog looks on him with contempt for not being a pack leader, a position I might add, that she will soon fill for him. Please keep doing what you are doing, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. Just make sure you are there the day she bites your BF, he will need allot of consoling then. Realize that dogs live and die by one rule, PACK ORDER, if you are not able to fill the spot of pack leader, most dogs will do it for you, and the results, depending on the dog and your temperament are not pleasant. Keep up the great work.

Answer 10

Many behavior problems in dogs are rooted in things like this...dog trainers VERY much frown on letting a dog sleep in bed with people.

Dogs are pack animals, not humans, and think like DOGS. When allowed to sleep with their owners, they see themselves as equals - and then are more likely to challenge their family in other ways: taking food from kids, growling when moved off the couch, snapping when someone gets near their food bowl, growling & snapping when they have a toy or treat - it is like a domino effect. It can also make then neurotic & overly dependent, as this dog seems to be - dogs like & need to have clear leaders & defined rules.

All this can be avoided be being their leader & having firm ground rules. # 1 being NOT ALLOWED ON THE BED.

Maybe as a gift, you could buy him some obedience training sessions with a behavior specialist (ask his vet for reccomendations) - then he can learn for himself what he is doing wrong, and you won't have to be the 'bad guy'?