my 2 year old keeps smacking me?

Question

my 2 year old son keeps smacking me when i dont let him have/do something he wants to do, and im getting quite upset by it, i tell him no when he does it and he must not smack mummy, but what can i do to combat it effectively so he knows no is no
thanks for any input or experiences

I dont smack him but i dont my partner will give him a tap if he is naughty, so me thinks if say no to him and he smacks me that i think i am being naughty by saying no to him.
i tried the crying thing, which made him cry and he hugged and kissed me after that. but i dont like playing on his emotions like that.
i put him upstairs yesterday and he screamed the house down, he is still smacking me, but i think he is slowly learning that you dont smack mummy.
cheers for all the answers! :D

Answer 1

This is why they call them the "terrible twos". The only way to correct the behaviour is by instilling the idea that the world doesn't revolve around them. You can best do this by using "time outs" each and every time he smacks you or makes a scene because he isn't getting his own way. You must be consistent, or he won't learn.

Good luck.

Answer 2

smacking is a learned behaviour, either he has learned it from being smacked by someone or he has seen someone being smacked or smacking someone else in response to negative behaviour. He is becoming frustrated that he can't have or do something and has learned to show his frustration in this way. He is two now so a thinking/naughty chair may be appropriate, as soon as he smacks say no firmly and place him on the chair for two minutes and making him stay there, either hold him or return him to the chair starting the two minutes over every time he gets up. When he has had his two minutes get down to his face level and say firmly 'smacking is naughty, every time you smack you have to sit on the naughty chair'. I tried this with my two year old and used it a lot in the beginning he is now almost three and I find I need to use it rarely, it's hard work but he will get the message in the end, please don't resort to smacking him back that will just start a vicious circle of him smacking and getting smacked back continuously which helps no one.

Answer 3

I'd put him in timeout or take him out of the shop.

Remember - he's only two. Pick him up and put him where YOU want him to be. You won't hurt him (although he'll be screaming bloody murder) and it's a heck of alot easier to deal with this now than when he's an unruly 5 year old. If he hits when he doesn't get his own way then he's oing to be a very unpopular play-mate and possibly a bully. No one wants that for their child. SO you owe it to him to stop this behaviour.

So:
ACT: Hits mummy at home.
CONSEQUENCE: 2 mins in a safe room/ on a stair/ on a chair

(you may have to hold him on the chair/stair/ in the room at first, but don't look at him, don't talk to him. If he hits you again it's back to the chair/stair etc.)

ACT: Hits mummy in shop/someone else's house.
CONSEQUENCE: Remove him from shop/other location. Put him in car seat and don't talk to him for 2 mins.

ACT: Hits anyone else
CONSEQUENCE: Remove him and take him home.

Ultimately this is about being consistent and immediate. As he knows what to expect he'll do the behaviour less.

Remember though, if he hits you because he wants a sweet or something then you need to listen (and praise him) when he ASKS you for it. So, if he hits and screams "sweets" then he gets a time-out, but if he says "Mummy, can I have a sweet please?" then at the very least he gets a cuddle for asking so nicely.

Any use?

Answer 4

I have a feeling this goes beyond just smacking you...
My son, now 11 yrs old, used to smack, punch, kick, and call me derogatory names. I told his father and his father said "So what? I think it's funny".......
You see, a child learns these things from other people around them. These are LEARNED behaviors. Either he himself has been hit or you have been hit in front of him. This has gone un-punished without a consequence in front of him or to him. You, as the parent, must find out the underlaying cause and do some investigative work here. Tell the adults around him the most what he is doing and insist that hitting is WRONG and try to find out when he does it the most, in example: If he just came from the baby sitter or if the babysitter was there, and he starts hitting you more, find another babysitter. He/she, may be the cause of your sons frustrations.
You see where I am getting at?
Also a child Phychologist would not be a bad idea, my son, i found out, was being physically abused by my ex husband's fiance and her 2 boys. Now my son is getting the help he needs with his anger over it with the child phychologist. My ex husband has removed his fiance from his life as well.

Answer 5

Take control now mommy. This is totally unacceptable and has to be nipped in the bud. You have to find a method of discipline that he understands. I use time out with my 2 year old and that seems to work. If there is a special toy that he likes tell him that he can not play with it until he learns to be nice and listen.

Reward good behavior with stickers or a treat he likes. If there is a particular place he likes, like McDonald's, tell him if he gets 3 stickers you will take him there. He has to make the connection that he determines how easy or difficult his little life is and that you will do what you say on both sides, negative and positive.

I understand not wanting to always be the bad guy but, isolating him for bad behavior is only setting the reality of how society works. Break the law go to jail, break the rules go to the principal's office and get detention, works with every age group.

Put your foot down now while you still have size on your side once he gets older he will only continue to challenge you and he has to see you as the authority figure. It will be constant so dig your heels in and delcare war on his acting out, you are preparing him for positive interaction with society and that is a good cause.

Answer 6

PLEASE please ignore the people who have said smack him back! That is possible the worst thing you could do in this situation. Have you or someone else smacked him before? Children learn from example and so if you smack him back for this behaviour, he is just learning that smacking is right (even if it stops him smacking you, he is likely to smack another child or someone else). He has likely learned this because he has been smacked or seen someone else smacked for bad behaviour and he sees you not giving him what he wants as bad behaviour.

Children can't work out that it's okay for one person to smack in one situation but not for someone else to in another, so you smack him back, you are telling him that smacking is ok, even if it is to punish him. He's thinking he is punishing you and so he can smack you if you smack him. I cannot believe all the posts that said smack him back, it's crazy that people think that will work.

When he smacks you, keep calm but tell him calmly yet firmly that he must not smack you and that it hurts and is bad. Warn him he will be punished. If he continues then i am a big fan of time-outs. 2 mins- 1 for each year he is. Tell him he must go on a time out and place him in a certain place for time-out where he can't play. If he leaves the place, put him back, telling him he must stay there. Keep taking him back if he leaves, until he's been there for 2 mins, but don't talk to him at all until the end of the time out when you can explain again that he mustn't smack you or anyone else. Repeat this every time he smacks you, he will soon learn not to because he won't want to be stuck on time-out.

Try not to shout at him, loose your temper, cry, or any other kind of reaction. Don't talk to him while he's on time out. Give him one warning and then tell him when you put him on time out. Apart from that don't give him any other attention. If he leaves the time-out return him without talking to him. It's the attention he wants (negative attention is still attention to a child) and without it he will soon give up. Persist with it and whatever you do don't give in to him when he smacks you.

It's hard but work at it, he will soon learn.

Also, try not to let it upset you, he is just reacting to the situation how he has learned. It doesn't change anything about his feelings for you.

Answer 7

Do you smack him? Be a good example and don't smack. Also try not to say 'no' to him all the time. If you do say 'no' don't give in. If he smacks you, put him in his room or time out and stop giving him attention. Tell him 'Don't hit people'. Take time later to give him attention play a game or read a story. Think of what behaviour you want from him and encourage any hint of it. Look up Super Nanny - Jo Frost

completechildcare.com/jo-frost-super-nanny.php

Answer 8

This is pretty common. Two year old children often react with a smack because they don't have sufficient vocabulary to express themselves.

Just hold his hand to stop him, tell him "We don't hit, that hurts Mummy" and pat his hand on you gently & tell him something like "Be gentle" Be firm but don't scream or yell.

Consider a time out for 2 minutes each time if possible.

Answer 9

Well, you have to hold is hands firmly so that he can't smack you, hold them real tight but make sure not hurt him (though he might say mummy you hurt me).

When you hold is fists tightly, try to change his position so that his back is facing your front (face), that way he'll probably hurt you the least.... maybe he'll tire away if you do this.

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But what I really really advice is to watch BBC's (little angels, or tiny tearaways... I don't really remember all the techniques Dr Tanya Byron uses... because I'm not a mother to be implementing what she teaches... but they seem very very realistic to me.

I've noticed that Dr Tanya Byron is more realistic and useful than all the other shows that deal with naughty children.

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Do Check out the links bellow... good luck :)

Answer 10

I am suprised at the number of people who said to smack him back. That will get you nowhere. You have a few options that could really work, but hitting is not one of them. One, you can completely ignore the behavior. When he does it, walk away or pretend like he didn't do it. Obviously he is doing this for your attention or to get a rise out of you. Two year olds do not like the word "no." Perhaps give him what he wants when he is playing nicely and when he asks you nicely. Do not give in to him after he hits you. Hitting him back will only reinforce the behavior. By doing that you are modeling the very behavior that you want to get rid of and teaching him that it is okay to hit someone when you are upset.

Answer 11

ahh, the terrible two's....lol
tell him NO like you mean it! he must KNOW that mummy is SERIOUS! if you dont get his attention & respect NOW, you will have a tough time later. heres a tip; when you make a "threat" about a punishment that will happen if he does not listen, make sure you FOLLOW THROUGH with it. If you are not committed to the punishment, its better to not make the threat in the first place, because the child is learning that mummy is full of crap. It's a common problem. Dont be afraid to show him that you are angry when he hits you, many moms dont like to yell & scare the child for fear that he wont love mommy anymore. Go ahead, raise your voice (a little, no need to scream) let him see the fire in you. If it scares him, GOOD! He'll get over it