When should I tell a guy I am dating that I have herpes?

Question

I've had the std since I was 18. I never told anyone before last year that I had it. I called my ex and he came clean and told me he had it, he actually gave it to me. I have been talking to a guy since Aug. He is in afghanistan and will be here in march. I care about him and I really like him. I feel as though since I have been honest about everything else, maybe I should tell him about it before we even get too close. I have a son who does not have it, thank God and as far as I know, no one else ever got it from me. I have been promiscous in the past and had terrible relationships. I changed my ways, I started being promiscous after I got the std. Now that I am more honest, I don't know when the rt time is.

ok, I have not seen him yet and there no sex involved either. I wish some ppl would read before they comment.

Answer 1

As an idea...think about totally reversing everything....Now, when would you like to be told? There's your answer...

Answer 2

Don't listen to all the morons that didn't actually read what you posted. We all do things in life that we regret later. You shouldn't have to feel that you need to wear a sign on your forehead now because you have herpes. If it were me, I would tell the guy before he comes to meet you. It will be easier if he's going to run away from you. If he's here face to face with you and you tell him, he might just be polite through the whole visit and act as if nothing is wrong, but totally blow you off when he gets back home(assuming that is the plan), which to me would hurt more. Since this is something you caught from your husband, then he should be more understanding. It's not that you went out and slept with some stranger. You were sleeping in your own bed, with your own husband, which should be a safe haven.

I met my husband on the internet 8 years ago and things couldn't be better. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am sorry but you need to do the right thing and tell him before you have sex.If he loves you and cares for you he will understand.Be prepared for his reaction though.It may be a little more than you are ready for.He may react badly but just let him vent and say what he has to.He will get over it if he truly cares about you.But think of his reaction if you do not tell him and he gets it.And think how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.Do the right thing and good luck and God bless.Remember that having herpes does not make you a bad person and telling him before you guys do it makes you an even better person.

Answer 4

Be honest and sincere about it. Herpes cannot not spread if you don't have active lesions. There is medication to suppress it, like Valtrex. And you can use other types of protection. But don't just go out and say " Oh by the way, I have herpes." Probably when it is comfortable with you and you two are together in a relaxed environment. Then tell him the truth. But there is no way to predict how he would act unless you know him very well. And by the way, stop being promiscous. Be lucky you don't have hepatitis or HIV.

Answer 5

There's no better time like the present. There are treatments available to reduce the risk and such. On the most basic level, you have an obligation to protect those you care about from harm. The very premise of successful relationships have trust as their foundation. To deny him a chance to make an informed decision that can affect the rest of HIS life is both grossly irresponsible and morally reprehensible. Remember - someone with HIV could just as easily deny you the opportunity of choice.

Answer 6

Yes I would tell him. There is no guarantee that he will stay or leave. You can use protection when having sex with others.

Also keep in mind that Robin Williams is said to have Herpes, and he had no problem dating other people. There will just be things that you would have to do to keep everyone sex.

Use condoms, and dental dam. I think that this should cover the exposure. If there are other things that need to be used ask your physician so that you can be ready to explain the risk to your boyfriend.

Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Well one thing is certain, you definitely need to tell him prior to sex. Whether or not you want to tell him right now is up to you. You really don't need to tell him right now. From personal experiences i find that it better to get to know someone a little better first. Genital herpes is really common these days, so don't think badly about yourself. Who knows, he might have it also. I got it from sleeping with alot of people and not being careful.

Also...the chances of someone sueing you are next to nothing, but don't listen to all those crazy people that posted earlier. Its not the plague. I don't like having outbreaks, but there are worse things in life. By the way, 25% of the Adult US population HAS genital herpes!

Answer 8

If you feel you are close enough now, then do ahead and do it. If you need a little more time, you should definitely tell him before you have sex (which could be very awkward if you tell him as soon as you meet him in person...). One way or the other, he needs to know. You´d have liked your ex to be honest, right?

Answer 9

As soon as possible. It is unfair to continue a relationship and spring it on him later. AND you absolutely cannot tell him after you have had sex and if you already have, I hope you are using a condom. If he really likes you, he will be ok with it and understand his risk is lower with condoms and not having sex if you have a break out. Of note, there are dating websites for people with herpes so then there is no issue at all.
Good luck!

Answer 10

Tell him BEFORE you have sex. Herpes can be transferred even w/ a condom. You do not have the right to go around giving people an STD w/out their knowledge.