Help! "Emo" teenage son..in "Emo Love"...Im worried...what is going on?

Question

My son is 15 and has always had some difficulties. He is not diagnosed with anything but has been called borderline for ADHD, and ODD...but nothing ever consistant enough to get him a diagnosis...I guess you could say hes a 'difficult child' that I have just learned to manage. Hes very implusive and seems to have tendancies towards addictions.

But now Im really worried-hes 'in love' and is so obsessive about it-him and the girl MUST be together ALL the time. They call it emo love-it seems so dark..Im worried for them both. They seem like they would die if they were separated.

Now his behaviour has been even weirder. Hes so emotional, even crying when hes reprimanded for not following a rule (this is a kid who did nothing but laugh at you or shrug you off all his life) He wont say whats wrong but his girlfriend told me its because he feels guilty for all the bad things hes ever done (new!)

I just found a note in his room that says 'I love you but I hate myself'

And they BOTH seem to like fire !!!!

Im so worried hes gouing to burn down the house...I just found burn marks on the couch in his room AGAIN.

OMG

Answer 1

the term "emo" is related to goth-ism. Somehow, over time, the true meaning of being gothic got a little messed up, but the term's are almost the same.
Back in gothic times, deep love ruled many.

"Emo's" from what I understand from someone who is now older than that of my son means they are emotional individuals-feeling individuals who do not use drugs to alter their state. Some 'cut' or do other things such as this "fire" issue you have with your son and his girlfriend.

As a mother I was concerned with my son as well. You really have to think what has happened in their lives that might be traumatic. Even something as far as being misunderstood can result in this issue, ie, you say he is boarderline ADHD- this term is widely overused and the drugs for it are AWEFUL.

The doctors once thought my son, when in first grade, was thought to of had ADHD, turns out it was his asthma medication!

He is 16 now. I allow him to wear what he feels comfortable in-'hot topic' clothing. Its all black, all the time. This is where my son, like yours feels they need to be.

Talk to your son. Let him know by reassurance that your there for him no matter what. You may not like to hear some of the things your son may eventually say, but parenting is never easy. (even if you have an easy kid to deal with!).

Your son is simply searching for whatever it is he is searching for. It is more apt to happen when the hormones kick in than in any other time in life. Parent's tend to make things worse by telling their children who they are, who they should be, what to wear, ect ect ect. Parents forget sometimes how they were at a particular point and time in their own teenage phase.

The first time my son did something hurtful to himself (12 staples, in class at school, in his own arm) I had a nice talk with him (i almost freaked out like an ordinary parent would, but I told myself I'd never be like that). So after the talk of how metals could pose a threat to his body, ie, infection, cns diseases from metal toxicity, I told him that if he really feels the need for metal in his body, that I would take him to get his ear peirced. It was up to him, after all, that is the "safe" alternative.

He has only cut himself once, when my fiance and I had an arguement. We explained to him that not everyone can get along all the time, it's impossible. (the arguement reminded my son of how his grandfather was-ALL the time).

You may have to really sit down and think of ways to improve your relationship with your son. Sometimes all it takes is being cool. Relax. The more you make of it, the more your going to have issues that will further this phase.

Some things to point out when you are all together-if the subject comes up....
know the real meaning of goth-ism. listen to some of their songs without saying anything negative. (actually, i have found, some groups actually are making some pretty good songs!)

The best thing you can do is try and enter his world every now and then- Even if you go out and buy a pair of Tripp pants! (some of the womans stuff is actually pretty cool!)

I haven't bought mine yet, but there is a trade off....I told Corey he had to wear jeans on Thanksgiving (it's not a dark holiday) and Chrimstmas. I actually had a hard time finding clothes that looked good on him (and i made it known in front of my son while talking to others) because black really suits him.

The end result? No more cutting, trust is set and we are both comfortable with it. Infact, I usually have at least two or three kids now extra, every day because my fiance and I understand, where other parents ignore, or argue....or misunderstand...or forget....

The whole teenage experience is exactly what life intends it to be: to let them be who they need to be, other wise, they wont turn out exactly like you thought, once they are adults and on their own.

One last example: Hot Topic.
After getting Corey's jeans, his friend Stewy and I headed for Hot Topic, to look for my pair of pants. They guy that waited on us was about 27-full of tattoos, peircings ect.
He stated "Man, your mom must be cool...not only is she here to buy herself a pair of pants, she lets yall wear stuff like this...my mom would NEVER let me wear stuff like this as a kid...."

Corey and Stewy said "well, it's a trade off...she made him buy a pair of jeans, so she's here for trip pants...."

The 27 year old sales person stated 'she's still a cool mom...I wish my mom had been like that when i was your age!'

Point? I'd rather my son at 16 be the way he is now, verses growing up to be the 27 year old working at Hot Topic! If you dont let the young, be the young, they will NEVER grow up.

Just support your son.

Now, for the ADHD- has your son been tested for IBS? Sometimes thats all it is. Sometimes antidepresants work (so they say) but the truth is, if it is IBS (which can be painful!) a prescription powder can help. It regulates the serretonin in the gut that is responsible for regulating the serretonin in the brain.
with the experience of my younger son, the antidepressants made the issue extremely worse! So, now that he is regulated by the powder in his morning juice, his mental issue has been resolved-without the side effects of all the other medication we've tried. And as a mom I no longer have to worry about the antidepressants permanately changing the way the brain chemicals work.

Now, the girlfriend thing...trust me, the more it's okay for her to hang out, the less attractive she becomes. Acceptance is sometimes the enemy. (if that makes sense).

Hope this helped.

Answer 2

Emo has changed so much over the years. It began in the 1980's as Emotive-Hardcore and a part of the DC punk scene. This genre pretty much died in the 90's, but the press bastardized this label and used it to describe pop-punk music. So nowadays, most of these kids are listening to pop-punk. The Emo fashion started out as a punkish nerdy grandpa. They got EVERYTHING from thrift stores. In recent years, however, Emo kids have started buying out Hot Topic and dressing like Mallgoths (not to be confused with real goths that despise Hot Topic). People now belive that Emo is short for Emotional (which it originally WASN'T). People are also using this as another word for self-harmer/someone with depression, which I think is a horrible thing. What these kids call depression is really just teenage angst. These kids are just trying to fit in and they feel that by crowding under this label they aren't alone. To many people this word has lost any real meaning.

Answer 3

It's not a phase he's going thru, first of all he is 15 sec. he is ADHD ODD ....Has he been diagnosed ED as well, I ask this because my son, when he was young was diagnosed w/ ADHD, ODD, ED and CD. when at first they put him on meds i didn't like the way it was making him so i took him off it, not knowing i didnt give it a chance later i took him back to DR. and Dr. told me i need to let the meds do their job and to give it time, I did and wow! what a difference.still needed to follow thru w/ therapy, do to the absence and broken promises of his FATHER. My son also liked to start fires mainly when he was angry about something. But I seriously think you should get him into therapy of some kind, especially at this age teens go thru difficulties as it is so, he is double loaded.
They do feel a lot of guilt and realize there is something different about them compared to other kids but, they can't help it and thats whats so frustrating and confusing to them.
.......bypolar is diagnosed when they are older then ur son's age but watched as borderline
Also, puberty will also cause these new emotions ..confusion...even more, from a boy to a young man, changes big time.
My son is now 21 ,,,been there done that ...Good luck! ck out these sites ...please!!

Answer 4

Well if he tells his GF stuff like why he has been crying (cause of the bad stuff he's done) then this is a good thing! If he feels bad for the things he's done in the past maybe with the GF's help he won't do anything bad in the future. Make friends w/ his GF get close to her so you can get closer to him! And put up smoke detectors throughout the house!!

Answer 5

I would hate for you to blow it off as a "phase", becauses even phases can go too far! One of the teenagers in our town ended up killing himself after a similar phase! But everyone had told the parents not to worry that he would grow out of it. I would talk to a counselor and try to get him in to see someone. Even if he just sees someone at his school. After a few sessions, they would be able to further tell you how seriously to take this. They are trained to look for certain things! Good luck and pray!

Answer 6

Get him to counseling!!!!! Seriously, I think your son is depressed and crying out for help. The changes in him you've talked about are enough for you to be seriously worried about his mental health. There are places like the United Way who will provide counseling based on your income and what you can afford to pay. I really think it would help him to have an outside person to talk to. I wish you and your son all the best and I hope he gets some help.

Answer 7

this sounds like a faze. im 20 and i remember people like this in highschool who were like this and now their working and living normal lives. Its really just a trend thing. And about the crying hes just probably putting himself down constanly and taking everything people say to him too personally. Talk to him on his level not as someone whos older or whatever.Good luck