My 7 year old daughter and I were at Christmas with my mom, and family members. I was feeling alot of anxiety, being around them. Since these people believe that I am raising my kid wrong and that I will have consequences for my life (i chose a different religion), I don't like my kids around them too much. I am to be nice all the time, even when they are guilt tripping me and trying to control me. This year, I was feeling anxiety again, and 1/2 way through, I decided that it was high time that I start doing what was best for me. Instead of sitting there, trying to ward off an anxiety attack, I got my kid and my gifts, said I wasn't feeling well and walked out.
My kid cried. Everyone followed me to the door, very hurt. They started throwing 'what is best for my daughter's Christmas' in my face and got really hurt by my actions and some got mad at me.
As soon as I was outside, I felt peace. I took care of me! But I hurt everyone! Is what I did so unaccpetable?
2006-12-30 20:32:22 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Also, is it wierd that no one asked if I was ok or what I was upset about (I was obviously upset for some time before i got the courage to walk out)?
2006-12-30 20:33:09 · update #1
I think you did the right thing by leaving a situation that was making you feel bad! You do need to stand up for yourself and live your own life! Your family sounds very jugdemental and close-minded....do not put up with that! Tell them that if they can't accept your life and be nice than you are not putting yourself in that situation!!! Yes, your family was hurt but they hurt you too! Be the best you can be and ignore your family foolish comments!!!
2006-12-30 21:33:30 · answer #1 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? If you were of a different religion, why did you go for Christmas? First of all, you need to say sorry to your daughter. She just missed a lovely good party! She is not of age to understand what is religion, guilt, consequences and so on. I think, by taking her to a religious gathering (according to you which is not hers), you did a first mistake.
Religious gatherings are the most effecting and most traumatic on a lot of humanbeings. If you knew that you cannot take it, you shouldn't have gone and taken your daughter with you. You went, then you should have gone to a doctor first and took some anxiety medicine which could have helped you. In everybody's words, you did wrong and unacceptable. With your actions, you again proved to them that you are not mature enough to take care of either yourself or your daughter.
Take control of yourself and your life. Do exactly what you feel good. Explain to your daughter why you brought her away from that place. It takes time before she understands. But be patient and don't let anybody else rule your life.
2006-12-31 04:45:40 · answer #2 · answered by Josephene 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I am sorry you had such a lousy holiday. I don't think what you did is unacceptable, but I do think you could have handled it better. In the future: Try explaining to the head of your family privately, what you are willing to do for your daughter in terms of the time she can spend with that part of your family. Tell them honestly what you feel is good for you and for your daughter. Perhaps you can leave her at the celebration and take some time by yourself--even if its just walking around the block. Good luck.
2006-12-31 04:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by bortiepie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What did your daughter expect from the event? Why did you take her? I'd say your actions were a bit self centered. You put yourself in a position that would likely get that result. Why? What did you expect to be different? Why did you put your daughter in the position to witness that?
Sure you are entitled to your beliefs. Sure you should raise your daughter the best way possible.
Realize that you can't have it both ways. If you choose a path separate from your family, expect there to be scenes and anxiety. Bite your tongue and tough it out, or do not accept another invitation.
2006-12-31 04:57:08 · answer #4 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The sad thing is, you can't pick your family. I don't think it was either right or wrong you leaving on chrismas, but the thing that you need to do is either find a way to ressolve your issues, or give your family some time. From what it sounds like, your family loves you very much and is worried that you are going in the wrong direction. They will eventually have to except it, but you need to take a different approach because family is very important for children.
Remeber, it's not about you, its about your daughter. She'll appreciate you for it later, trust me.
2006-12-31 04:40:56 · answer #5 · answered by April 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you were feeling that way because of their attitude towards your religion I applaud your leaving.
"Also, is it wierd that no one asked if I was ok or what I was upset about (I was obviously upset for some time before i got the courage to walk out)?"
So are you going to tell us what you were upset about? I mean really, you say that then don't say what was bothering you.
2006-12-31 09:10:23 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you did was AWESOME. They may be looking out for the best interest of your child, but in the end, YOU have control over the child, and what you think is best for your kid is what's right. They obviously don't respect you, my advice is to let them know that they make you uncomfortable, and you don't have to let them tell you what to do with YOUR daughter.
2006-12-31 04:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by Nyara 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably not the best way to handle it, and I'm sure you're hurting your kid by keeping her away from her loving family members.
And you grabbed your gifts and left? Very tacky.
Next time, try to relax. Have a backup plan in case the "attacks" start. Firmly say, "the way I raise my child and lead my life is not your concern. I do not want to discuss that topic" and change the topic to something else. If your family doesn't get it, THEN you have all the right to leave.
2006-12-31 04:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
She is your daughter, it is your choice to raise her how you want. my family talks a lot of trash but in the end what matters is you and what you believe is right. You didnt ask for an opinion so you dont have to take it when they talk. I dont think its unacceptable but one day your daughter will understand why you do the things you do or did for her.
2006-12-31 04:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by cHiKiBaBe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO, you did right, except for one thing....be honest, dont hide
under illness. lovingly, let your parents and family members
know they dont have to agree with your religion/chldraising
methods, but need to respect your views in that you will
raise them as you see fit. do u tell them how to raise kids?
probably not, let them know you appreciate it when they are
kind, and supportive, not condescending and judgemental.
goood luck. be careful how you talk with them. be aware
they may get angry//defensive. but you mst protect your daughter
if it comes to the worst, over time, isolate your daughter if you
have to.
2006-12-31 05:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by Mark J 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋