Can I get some advice from single parents?

Question

I'm 34 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I split up in early October. We would like to reconcile things but at the moment we are not able to. I'm currently living with my mom which is almost 20 miles away from my ex's house (where I used to live). He still plans on being involved in the baby's life and wants to be there for the birth.

However, what happens when I bring my little girl home from the hospital? I plan on breastfeeding, and I'm also concerned about shuttling her 40 miles back and forth between us ... especially when she's still new. I'm afraid that she won't adjust well dealing with the two vastly different enviroments. And honestly, I don't know if I'm going to be able to leave her somewhere overnight not long after she is born!

On top of this, my ex has some friends that I don't particularly want around my daughter ... one in particular ... but they are around his house all the time. What are my rights in this situation?

I can't ask him to move closer to me, he has 2 other kids from a previous marriage. Moving isn't an option for me at the moment either ... I could really use my mom's help and since this is my first baby, I would like to see exactly how my financial situation changes before I start looking for a place, and that will take a little time.

I've been wanting to have this discussion with him! He just blows me off and I think he plans on taking it as it comes.

Answer 1

Being a single parent there will always be things that you are unsure of and things that frighten you. No mum wants to let their baby out of their sight. It's best if the baby gets to know the father as soon as possible, if they are going to have a good relationship. I can understand you not wanting the baby staying over at a really young age...it's a very scarey thought. I think you will find breast feeding is not a good enough excuse...you will be told to express so the father can use it in a bottle. I don't know how old the baby can be to stay over but surely not straight away as a new born.
Unfortunately you can't pick your ex's friends, but this wouldn't be a legimate excuse in a court. I have been through it all...my ex dealt with junkies and all sorts, but unless you can proove the baby is in danger...it's still not good enough. The law says "it is in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with both their parents".
It is a hard situation, but for the sake of your child, you need to try your hardest to sort through it all. If your ex won't talk about it you need to go to a mediator, who will help to work out what is fair for both parties, and what's best for the child.
Your ex will also need to share the responsibilty of travelling to see the baby, which includes making sure his car has a baby capsule. You can't be expected to do all the travelling.
Your best option, if you can't work it out with him is to seek legal advice (you should be able to get advice for free, being a single parent) and they will guide you through the rest. Good luck!

Answer 2

I am a single mom, but the dad took off. I do know that he has rights as soon as the baby is born.. breastfeeding can stop it to a point, but has been used by alot of women to keep their men from taking there babies, and he has rights to her too. If he wants to be in the babies life, you can't stop him from even taking her overnight. As far as his friends... I would call a lawyer the next business day... they should give free advise over the phone. If you have concerns, you should be able to restrict that if you have valid concerns. As for shutling her, you can have him pick you up with the baby so that someone can tend to her needs while the other drives (traveling with babies is alot of work if they are not sleeping) and you can logically insist on this. Then maybe you can stay there and supervise if you have concerns.... these are all things I would ask about.. alot of guys do lose interest though... but if he does stick it out, you should have some say if he is around questionable people

Answer 3

I was a single mother of 3 just until this april. My 8 year old is have behavior problems. I was the same way love my kids, but working all the time to be able to give them things, left me too tired for the things that are really important and cost nothing. My son is having difficulties inner acting with other children, he tends to get angry when things arent his way. I see now that is because i would be so stressed to come home get dinner get baths get them to bed so i could chill, that i would yell all the time. When I should have been communcating, listening, have them help cook dinner and simply every day things. A better life does not always have to be material things, when you ask my oldest she only remembers that i wasnt there for alot of things cause i was at work for kid they cant grasp the concept of bills and stuff, she could never go do things cause mom had to work. I want my kids to be able to communicate and function in the world when im not here. Its hard its takes an extrac effort, but I find if I stop and make time for them its usual not long after that i get my time and things are a run alot smoother.

Answer 4

Well breast-feeding is the *best* excuse to use to not let the baby out of your site for longer than 2 hours, since according to docs they have to feed every 2-4 hours for the first month ;)

But being the mother you do not need to use any excuses, even if you are thinking about "getting back together" remember that relationships are built on trust and honesty. So you telling him you do not want the baby over there over night should not be a problem. Not just because of his friends you do not like, but it is *your* baby, you have carried it inside of you for almost 10 months, so having it farther away than arms length kills you inside, I know!

For the first 6 months I would not even leave my babies over night at grandma's house, they were never farther away than the next room, and I usually even dragged them into the restroom with me when I took a shower. Even if they were asleep, I just *needed* them next to me.

My next baby (I have a c-section due Jan 5th!), the father is an alcoholic and doesn't even own or rent any place, he sleeps in his car, and for some reason he thinks I am going to let him have the baby over night at his mothers house, which his mother's husband (who is in currently in jail) molsted all the kids in that house... so yea I have already told him he is not going to see the baby with out me being there, AT ALL TIMES. I am even buying a breathalyzer so when he comes over I can know for sure he has not been drinking because it is a problem for him and I have not been able to trust him about drinking, or when he is not drinking, before the baby and I am not taking any chances after the baby is born either.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Two words: Parenting Agreement. You don't have to be married to have one. If he has two kids from a previous marriage, he knows what that is. It's also called custody arrangements. Again, you don't have to be married. How he parents and how much time he spends with your daughter is completely up to him and no court or you can compell him. However, no court will also allow you to "shuttle" a new born. The parenting agreement is the legal document you two agree upon and can refer to when disagreements happen. Consult a lawyer.

G'luck.

Answer 6

I would stay with your mom. As for bf's rights, he has the right to see his child, but unless he until he gets a court order granting him visitation and/or custody, you don't HAVE to do anything.
It's also my opinion that baby should stay in a safe stable enviromnent for as long as possible to make her adjustment easier. In your case, that sounds like your mom's house, especially if he keeps questionable company. If he wants to see her, have him come to you.

Answer 7

You and your boyfriend need to have along discussion about whatis ahead and your expectations.Life changes after you have a baby.

Answer 8

get him to come to your mom's while she is still so young. when she gets a little older, then she can take a trip to go see her daddy's place. when she goes over there, set ground rules about who and what you do and do not want around her