What to do with too persistent guys? (without appearing unapproachable to others?)?

Question

You're in a group, generally open and friendly with everyone... Become friends with the guys, just to have them later tell you they have feelings for you and you end up getting hit on by persistant guys that don't listen to "no thank you, I don't want to date" (they're nice, just not your type), and soon they start going weird (first attempts of being highly possesive and irrate, then later sulky, dark, and resentful).

And history repeats itself, with sometimes the most unexpected candidates (a large variety of guys... even ones already having girlfriends, have been told you are at the time dating someone else, etc).

Answer 1

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: An attractive, friendly woman can't be "just friends" with men. They are going to fall for you. Even if you are married, it will happen.

But the fact that the men you know get "weird" about it suggests that maybe you need to find a different circle of friends or a different place to meet people. There are mature and/or decent people out there who will like you, find out you don't like them, and then respect your space.

I wouldn't suggest being rude or cutting people down, either. You can be clear without being mean. Being mean just makes you look like a snot. It can also accidentally set off an instable, violent guy who might decide to "get even" with the "b*tch."

"No, thank you." "Please don't ask me out again." "You're not respecting me. I said no." "No." Are all acceptable, without being insulting.

And you might want to examine how you interact with men. What you think is just "being friendly" or "being nice" can easily be mistaken as leading a guy on. Yeah, I know, it shouldn't be that way, but it is. You can't chat and giggle and help and hug and do all those things you do with your female friends - to a guy. Especially a guy you've told "No, thanks." Believe me. I've been there, done that. The guy will think he's getting mixed signals or that you've changed your mind.

Heck, I've heard stories of women who get hit on just for being polite to their customers in grocery or retail stores. Guys misinterpret signals. I'm not saying don't be yourself, but just take some care with how you interact with a guy you've told NO.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Ugh! I totally hate it when this happens, especially when it goes weird, as you describe. I flat-out told someone he was no longer my friend, and vice-versa, because he wouldn't knock it off. I noticed that a bunch of people suddenly gave me cold shoulders, and a friend mentioned that he'd badmouthed me quite extensively. She, and others, do not invite him to functions anymore because he pulled the same crap on them.

It's uncomfortable for a bit, esp. if you have mutual friends, but I think a complete break with the person is essential. If they're this bad now, they ain't getting over it any time soon. In the meantime, charm who you like; a good guy will see the situation for what it really is.

Answer 3

Start insulting them in a way that seems playful but cuts them down to size. If you are gentle enough, they will just lick their wounds and stay away. (Guys think they don't want to be with a girl who puts them in their place, but they really do.) I know you don't want to seem unapproachable but, so long as you're not that way with everyone, you will get a reputation as someone who guys have to approach in a mature way to gain a chance with you. You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.

Answer 4

Obvious you like them hitting on you. Otherwise, you'd realize they're too immature to be just friends. Maybe the question is not what to do about persistent guys. Possibly it should be why you continue to hang around them.

Answer 5

i would continue to tell them the truth.. don't be pressured into being with someone just cause they like you.. continue to persist that you don't feel that way for them, communoocation is the key.. and dont be overly flirtatous