I love you in the morning
and I love you in the night.
I love when you're wrong
as much as when you're right.
I love you when you're up
and even when you're down.
i love you when you smile
and i feel badly when you frown.
I love those wonderful ways
you show me that you care.
I love the safe feeling
of knowing you are there.
you can always make me smile
with the things you say and do.
and that smile is made with love,
The love I feel for you!
what do you think im practicing for a contest,
give me your honest opinion.
2006-12-30 18:07:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
Its fine...but its ordinary...
Think of it this way....
"You're as pretty as the sun, you're warm and sweet.."
SAME IDEA
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.."
That first stanza ... I might rewrite in this vein:
INSTEAD OF
I love you in the morning
and I love you in the night.
I love when you're wrong
as much as when you're right
I love you when you're up
and even when you're down.
i love you when you smile
and i feel badly when you frown.
I love those wonderful ways
you show me that you care.
I love the safe feeling
of knowing you are there.
you can always make me smile
with the things you say and do.
and that smile is made with love,
The love I feel for you!
MAYBE....
"My affection runs so deep
It grows both day and night
your flaws only inspire me
To love that which is right"
Your sadness makes me halt
my selfish muted ways
'cause when happiness you can't find
Empty are my days.."
My favorite moments come
when I see how much you care,
my heart's a flutter, it skips a beat
knowing that your there.."
I adore you endlessly
and a smile's an easy feat,
For my life is empty without you
My love for you complete.."
There are words that have more meaning than they appear to...
For instance, the word "grows" and the word "right" are words that have multiple meanings in this light...
Just like "Dead Poets Society" says...
Don't say "very sad", say "morose"...
Just my Opinion
2006-12-30 21:57:14 · answer #1 · answered by Christopher H G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This declaration of love has an innocent, sentimental quality; the affection in the voice is unconditional. While it contains enough emotional resonance, the poem could employ stronger and more specific images, as well as a story arc to give the reader a strong sense of why this love is special and unique.
Still, thank you for sharing this with us.
2006-12-30 18:38:16 · answer #2 · answered by JohnnyO 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sincerely: the 2 first verses are good but i don't like the conclusion. but that's just me. also i don't like the connotion that you are totally dependent of who you love.
advice: make the last two verses match the rhythm of the first 2 more closesly and leave the rest as it is.
also: ignore christoph. the fact that you're using slghtly common words and tone make it sound more sincere. if you re- arrange it the way he suggests it cold lose the feeling making it look as if your not sincere and are just playing around with the words for the contest
good luck in the contest!!!!
2007-01-01 08:14:09 · answer #3 · answered by alpha mutt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Line 8 is a bit too many syllables, 11 is too short. It gets kind of messy from there. But it's a really good start.
2006-12-30 18:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by littlechrismary 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It kind of has the same idea of the poem that the girl said on the movie 10 things I hate about you.
2006-12-30 18:15:10 · answer #5 · answered by Dreamer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like that poem its awsome!! Good Luck In the Contest!
2006-12-30 18:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by kickballstar@sbcglobal.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
needless to say it is a beautiful poem .if my child had come up with this on his or her own. i would feel the luckiest and proudest father of this planet. i would engrave it in gold and carry it everywhere i go.not to mention sending a calendar with the poem in it to distant relatives and all the grouchy people i know. . again its beautiful.
one question, what would the background image of this poem ?
2006-12-30 18:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by tichergeorge 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it very much. It flows well the way I read it, and it doesn't have any inconsistancies in it. Good luck!
2006-12-31 04:32:13 · answer #8 · answered by acorna68134 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it good luck
2006-12-30 18:10:27 · answer #9 · answered by alanpendragon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love too!
I love u very much!!
I love more than i can say!!!
How can i reach u ?
Honestly speak out!!!?!!!!!
2006-12-30 18:31:28 · answer #10 · answered by Pintu 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋