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2006-12-30 18:04:42 · 22 answers · asked by nina 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A guy’s driving his car, blows through a stop sign & gets caught by the law.
Cop says, "License and registration please."
Guy says, "What for?"
Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop, license and registration, please."
Guy says, "What's the difference?"
Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete Stop. License and registration, PLEASE!"
Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop I'll give you my license and registration."
Cop says, "O.K. exit your vehicle sir."
At this point, the cop takes out his Night Stick & starts beating the crap out of the guy and says, "Do you want me to slow down or stop?"
2006-12-30 18:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
Kindly search for for the full word, "Andrew "dice" Clay" . the dual charges are mandatory because "dice" change into in charges contained in the call. As a gentle guy this human being change into about as filthy as a stand-up comic might want to *get* and nevertheless locate artwork. at the moment, he's not doing plenty because he's now not allowed to--Wal-Mart edits, that sort of component. that could want to get you your fill of humor that could't be quoted right here. Sorry i can't do extra...
2016-12-01 08:50:01 · answer #2 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Estatic to be released from his bottle, a grateful genie granted a woman 3 wishes.
1st she wanted to be a knockout blonde.
2nd Have her house transformed into a mansion.
3rd Have her cat tramsformed into a gorgeous hunk.
As her wishes came true, the cat became the most handsome man she'd every seen.
Taking her in his arms, he whisked her up her palace's spiral staircase, eased
off her gown and deposited her naked self upon the satin sheathed bed.
Never having had experienced such ecstaic arousal during forplay, the
woman, now a princess, felt an unbelievibly intense longing for what was
to happen next.
Then, as he finished nuzzling her ear, her lover whispered, "Don't you wish
you didn't have me neutered?"
2006-12-30 20:25:49 · answer #3 · answered by elge13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."
2007-01-01 09:57:15 · answer #4 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This joke doesn't make much sense, and I used to tell it in 3rd grade... why do I still remember it?
One day a teacher, a cook, and a soldier went to the moon. The teacher brought an apple, the cook brought some forks, and the soldier brought a grenade. They all dropped their things on the moon and went back to earth.
When they got to earth, the teacher saw a boy crying. She walked over to the boy and asked "Why are you crying?" The boy said,"An apple fell on my head!"
The cook saw a girl crying. He walked over to the girl and asked "Why are you crying?" The girl said,"A bunch of forks fell on my head!"
The soldier saw a boy laughing. He walked over to the boy and asked,"Why are you laughing?" The boy said,"When I farted, the house next door blew up!"
2006-12-30 20:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by mike m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.
The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH"
"What fish?" the man asked.
2006-12-30 18:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by Eric H 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
We'll... let me just share my 5-day old original blond piece (for those who never read it yet) which got several 10/10 ratings when it came out...
In a Sky jumping school, all students were readying for their very first jump. Naturally, all were excited and nervous. With their plane aloft at 8,000 ft, the Jump Master made a final reminder:
So girls and boys, this is it!. Remember what I've been telling you all along...forget your 'Altimeter'...on your descent when you see People on the ground starts to look like Ants, that's the time you open your chute...OK? Everybody nodded.
A little while later, all 20 students were out of the plane. One by one, their chutes began to pop up like mushrooms over the sky...except for Blond jumper. To the horror of her jump mates and the crowds below, blond jumper chute didn't open and she went free falling to the ground. Thud!!!
>>>Fast Forward to Heaven's Gate, with St. Peter screening all new comers>>>
Blond's turn now:
ST. PETER: So, what are you IN for?
BLOND: We'll.. I fell from a plane
ST. PETER: I know, based on your files, you forgot to open your chute?
BLOND: No, I was all the while focused on the way down
ST. PETER: Then why did you not open your chute?
BLOND: I tried, but I guess it was too late
ST. PETER: Hmmm, that's strange. It also says in your record you're clean of drugs and the chute's not defective...
BLOND: (adding with conviction)...and I followed the jump master's instruction to the letter
ST. PETER: (who's about to close the book and call it a day, puzzled, looked at blond)..so, what about the instruction?
BLOND: ...to open my chute when I see Ants on the ground starts to look like People....
2006-12-30 20:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Kite 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was taking my garbage out and as I was throwing by bag into the dumpster I saw another big green plastic bag with a human toe sticking out of the corner, I was so scared and didn't know what to do at first. So, i called a tow truck!!! hahahahahahahahahah Happy New Year!!
2006-12-30 18:11:00 · answer #8 · answered by ginger 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
The Creation of Eve
God went down to Eden to see how Adam was getting on.
"What do you think of life Adam"said God."Well"said Adam"It's quite hard work and a little boring and,well,just a little lonely too".
"Don't worry"declared God"I've been working on a solution to all these problems.I'm going to create a Woman.She'll wash and cook for you and she'll have sex with you whenever you want.Infact she'll do everything you can imagine".
"That sounds great" said Adam"but how much will this Woman cost me?"
"I was thinking an arm and a leg" answered God
"That sounds a bit steep what can I get for a rib"
2006-12-30 18:06:45 · answer #9 · answered by rodandalisonthompson 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
This guy had a blond as a neighbour. They knew each other very well. The wife and him always went for a visit and they always came for a visit. But one day the wife of the guy dies. Not too long, the husband of the blond dies too. They griev their loved onse after a while the guy wants to have the blond for his wife. But, the blond say no because my husband has begged me not to marry any other man if anything happens to me. So the guys tries different ways to try and change the mind of the blond but no luck. Finally, one christmas the guy goes to her house and tells her that he is going to the grave of his wife to send some cake to his wife for christmas. The blond asks him if he could take some cookies that she baked and give them to her husband. The guy agrees. After a while, he comes back with his cake and her cookies. She asks him what happened. He replies, "I went there. They were fine. But bad news. They got married and they were having so much fun, I could not believe it". The blond is outraged that how could her lover do this to her when he promised that he will not marry any woman until she dies and goes to heaven. So the blond decides to marry the guy and they lived happily ever after.
2006-12-30 18:17:29 · answer #10 · answered by shkabaj 3 · 1⤊ 5⤋
Knock Knock
who's there
Boo
Boo who
hey its just a joke dont cry about it
2006-12-30 18:35:20 · answer #11 · answered by Nunya 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋