For years now I have been trying to get over things from my past. My childhood, things that happened to me, things I did when I was a teenager, anything really. I feel ok sometimes, but then it sneaks up on me. I have bouts of depression and after a few days I feel good again for a while. My husband doesn't know what to say to me when I try to talk to him. I just want to be normal, and not live in fear. I'm scared of everything basically. I just want to put my mind at ease and enjoy my life now. Help me if you can. Thanks.
2006-12-30 17:46:51 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I've been on meds before, and they seem to make me even more angry, or mean. I don't really want to be on meds anyway. I'm scared to talk to anyone because I find it hard to open up. I feel open with no security when I talk about things. I'm terrified of rejection. Just the other day a lady from the chruch I go to offered to talk with me about things, and I agreed. But the next day I found an excuse not to go because I felt like she didn't really want me there or that she wasn't interested in helping me. I don't know, I feel so stupid sometimes.
2006-12-30 17:56:59 · update #1
Jessamyn West once said 'We find what we search for--or, if we don't find it, we become it.' Shelagh Delaney said 'Women are born three thousand years old...'
You, my dear, are a woman with a past. Past history. Past loves. Past hurts. You know what that adds up to? PASSION. That makes you glorious! Magnificent! Powerful!
A woman with a past gives expression to her quirks, exults in her extravagances, cherishes her strengths, feels secure in her skin .. she's grounded because she knows there is no other woman like her...never has been...never will be.
You do not have to mourn the dark moments .. they shaped the marvelous, unique person you are today! You do not have to entomb the passion of today because of the impossible expectations of others ... or the destructive expectations of your own. You do not have to let the opinions of others .. or memories of long ago .. shape your reality!
Tell you what ...try an experiment taken from the Las Vegas commercials...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? Ok...what happens today stays in today..it will NOT get dragged into tomorrow. And yesterday will not get dragged into today.
In this way, you will face each sunrise like an artist faces a fresh canvas ... anticipating ...not wondering...what the canvas will reveal at day's end.
Two more things...
1. Make a list of 10 things you want to do in your life. Put it in your wallet. Refer to it whenever you feel blue. These are YOUR dreams ... awaken one whenever you need it.
2. Next, get several tablets of paper ... write down EVERYTHING that troubles you. Everything. Start from childhood and name names. (I filled four legal size tablets..both sides). If you do this right, it will take a couple of days. Once finished, wander off to the nearest park that has a barbeque .. Start a fire in the pit. Tear off a few pages at a time and put them in the fire. As they burn, bless the memories and let 'em go. When it is all done, you are free. Cleansed.
2006-12-30 18:13:35 · answer #1 · answered by ax2usn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a person who is haunted by her past pretty often ... things that happened to me ... things that I've done to other people ... its not an easy thing to go through. Its something that I'm battling right now, because the holidays and New Year's aren't a good time for me.
I try to stay busy ... not just physically but with things that challenge my mind as well. I read a good book, work puzzles, answer questions :) I discovered that even if your body is preoccupied, your mind can continue to obsess over the things that bother you, which is why I try to preoccupy my mind as well.
Also, I focus on the things that are going well in my life RIGHT NOW. I don't worry very much about the future because when I try to project what's going to happen in the future ... I have a bad tendency to compare it to what has already happened in the past. I try very hard to keep myself in the moment.
I also try to be very aware of my thoughts ... so I will know when old things try to sneak their way back into my mind. Sometimes we get very caught up in how we perceive things to be that we can't see how they really are.
I would suggest that you definitely see a counselor. It helps alot to share your feelings with an objective party. Your counselor can also help you learn how to make your husband understand what you go through and how he can be more supportive. I wish you good luck!
2006-12-31 01:58:39 · answer #2 · answered by ☼~Ļ○ΰ~♫® 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would you say that prt of the trouble is your lack of Self-Worth?
How to Find Real Happiness
- Think of Your Spiritual Needs
- Keep your Life Simple
> Happiness and Self-Worth
- Hope--Vital to Happiness
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2001/3/1/article_02.htm
Hope--Where Can You Find It? :
- Does Hope Really Make a Difference?
- Why Do We Need Hope?
- You Can Fight Pessimism
- Where You CAN Find Real Hope
http://watchtower.org/e/20040422/article_01.htm
Willful repression of memories of situations that need yet to be dealt with, are as damaging as unconcious repression. You aren't accepting that 'it' really happened. You can't put something to rest without first acknowledging AND accepting that 'it' did actually happen. Only then can you begin to deal with 'it'.
Comfort for Those With a "Stricken Spirit"
- "Repressed Memories"
> Did It Really Happen?
> Providing a Refuge
- Stay Spiritually Strong
- What of the Alleged Abuser?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1995/11/1a/article_01.htm
How Can You Find Inner Peace? ...
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2005/7/1/article_01.htm
Understanding Mood Disorders
- Tormented Minds
- Living With a Mood Disorder
- Hope for Sufferers
> How Others Can Help < (for your Husband)
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2004/1/8/article_01.htm
(NOTE : Most of these ^ URLs will likely be modified soon. After that, each title can be entered in the Advanced Search engine at : http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm , which will give you a link with the new URLs.)
2006-12-31 02:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Everyone who said that you have to accept your past for what it is, is correct. Also, understand that everyone has issues in their past they'd rather not remember or that they have not dealt with. You are not unique in this - and I don't say that meanly. It's just that sometimes, we think that the things we've done, or that have been done to us, are the most awful, most horrible, and we are flawed beyond help. Not true. Everyone's got something.
While your past has helped shape who you are today, your past is not who you are. It does not define you and it does not own you. Use the lessons you have learned from your mistakes as stepping stones to continue building the person you'll be tomorrow, and a year from now, ten years from now.
The past is exactly that - the past. It is done and all that remains are your memories and feelings. Work on letting go of any shame, guilt, fear - anything that's holding you back from enjoying life today. Be grateful that it's the past, and you only have your future to look forward to.
I understand how you're feeling. I have the same insecurities about rejection. I used to suffer guilt and fear over things I've done and things that have been done to me. Sometimes, though, there is no tangible resolution to the things we have experienced as children or as young adults. Sometimes the only resolution is a conscious effort on our parts to let it go. To learn from it, let it go, and move forward.
If you want to talk it out with someone, find a counselor - someone neutral who isn't going to judge you.
A book that really really helped me is "Healing the Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw. I can't guarantee it would help you, but it's working checking out at the library.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-31 02:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by milomax 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one really "gets over" their past. We can forget parts of it at times, but like you said, it can and does creep back up on you. The best things to do are to either seek professional help and get it out in the open. Or you can surround yourself with people and do things that don't remind you about past events that have bad memories attatched to them.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is accept the fact that you cannot change what happened. You won't have to relive it again, hopefully. If you somehow do, you can go about it knowing that what happened in the past didn't kill you. The most important thing to do is to accept that the past happened, make the fear a part of you (don't allow them to consume you, though), and conquer those fears each and every day. Conquer all of your fears daily, really. It's not going to be easy to do this. It's not supposed to be. Be sure to surround yourself with people who love and understand you. They will be the ones who will be by your side to get you thru this ordeal.
I hope everything turns out well.
2006-12-31 02:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by RainCity17 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One exercise you can do is sit down by yourself and think very carefully about the thing. Examine it from all sides as if you were someone else. How would someone else see this?
Take a look at where it currently comes into your life- how is it effecting you now?
If the only way it is effecting you is that it has these dead ropes tying you to the past, cut them.
Do it in a mental exercise and cut them off. Mentally fling them away. Do this several times until they are farther and father away.
If these are not "dead" ropes, and are still doing something in the here and now, you have to fix those things first.
2006-12-31 01:59:01 · answer #6 · answered by There you are∫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry that u are feeling this way. What u need to do is focus about the future and try to forget about the past. But i know its very hard to let go the past. All u need to do is think positive and believe in yourself. Its not an easy thing to stop thinking about the past, but u gotta tell yourself that u are going to do it because you are trying hard to not be depressed. I wish u the best of luck and i hope u feel better and have a great future that u have to look forward to. ;-)
2006-12-31 01:58:09 · answer #7 · answered by LaLa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation. You need to keep telling yourself that you are ok. I also pray which helps alot. There is nothing you can do about your past it's gone forever. That sucks at times but at least it is in your past and you can move on. Anything that happened to you in your childhood was not your fault you have to believe that. Don't worry you are normal. Everyone has a past and we all need to put it behind us and move on it will come to you and you will feel better. Bouts of depression are normal as long as it does not get out of hand. take care
2006-12-31 03:06:30 · answer #8 · answered by tank 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am also going through the phase last 10 years in my life.I am 26 now.I understand what you talking about.I dont know how I can help you but few things you can do ease to problem.
Sit down and go through you memory onme by one,analyze them and write down the what you learnt and what good and bad thing came out.
try to make friends ,real life friends,you dont have to share your problems with them unless they came from the same background. read some inspirational books,you can read Paulo coelho's..some are good
spend time with children,if you can.if you can do some social work ,you can help others childrens better future.what happend to you it wont happen to them,do it you will feel fresh..
go to a councelor,I will do it also,one day...
Good luck I hope It helped you.
if you need to share you can email me
God Bless
2006-12-31 02:09:35 · answer #9 · answered by Layla L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you may need some professional counseling, not for mental problems, but for getting over those things which are a detriment to your healthy living today. depression itself is an emotional, or chemical dependent condition requiring counseling and medication to restore the chemical balance in the body. it is not drug-related, but a chemical imbalance, usually in the brain, which is easily treated. left untreated, it will only get worse, and could be dangerous to you and to others.
women are unusually suseptible to one type of depression called post-partum depression. that is the result of having a child and the associated differences in the bodily chemistry caused by the birth and before she is back to a normal state.
2006-12-31 01:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by de bossy one 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋