2006-12-30 17:24:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.
-- Frank Sinatra (The Joker is Wild, 1957)
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend.
-- Zenna Schaffer
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- President Harry S Truman
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator; I never got around to it.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
2006-12-30 17:55:56 · answer #1 · answered by imjust_lori 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I dunno
I've a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Baravelli, you've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
[While shooting elephants in Africa] I found the tusks very difficult to remove. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa. But that's completely irrelephant to what I'm talking about.
Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.
Here I am talking of parties. I came here for a party. What happens? Nothing. Not even ice cream. The gods look down and laugh. This would be a better world if the parents had to eat the spinach.
I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at storks.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2006-12-31 06:32:37 · answer #2 · answered by laughoutloud22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get Chlamydia... and die." (mean girls)
"someone wrote in the book that i'm not a virgin cause i wear super jumbo tampons but its not my fault i have a wide set vagina and a heavy flow" (mean girls)
"what is this a school for ANTS?" (zoolander)
2006-12-30 17:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like what Mike Royko said about the French: "Germans with good food."
2006-12-30 17:28:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Take a tip from nature: Your ears aren't made to shut, but your mouth is"
"Life is a constant battle between carrots and chocolate"
"A rooster who crows too loud in the morning will be in the pot at night"
2006-12-30 17:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by jabbergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My grandma used to tell me this about cheating: "It is easier for a woman to run with her dress up than it is for a man with his pants down. " Julia Semien
2006-12-30 17:28:55 · answer #6 · answered by mekeygabriel 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
U can find some jokes under www.yahoojokes.com
2006-12-30 17:31:58 · answer #7 · answered by LaLa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
2007-01-01 08:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by alpha mutt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋