My Boyfriend is 46, and he can't seem to get thru to his 21 y/o son!!!!?

Question

Hi there. I care very much about my boyfriend (46 y/o). I also care very much about his son (21 y/o). His son lives at home with him. I live in my own apartment. I don't know what to do...My boyfriend tries to help his son out, but his son won't get a job, clean his room, or do much of anything to help himself to act like an adult. My boyfriend is fed up with his 21 y/o son. I feel that there needs to be a different approach than just barking orders at his son, since that doesn't work!!!! I take his son out to play pool, but all he does is complain about what a "jerk" his father is being. I feel so badly for their relationship! What can be done to help!

P.S. There's no mother in the picture. My boyfriend's son was rejected by his biological mother, who chose to use drugs instead of taking care of him. She is out of the picture, and hasn't been around since he was eight years old. I want to help. I don't know what to do. I am 36 years old. I love my bf''s son! Help!

Answer 1

2 words: HARD LOVE. Kick his butt out and tell him get with it or do without. If you both continue to let him rule the home he will become nothing. Just because his mom made a choice to leave and never come back is no excuse. His got a dad that has gave him love and understanding and a roof over his head.His using that ''Poor me, I don't have a Mom, she left me all alone" bull to use you both. His playing you both like a Fiddle.His 21 and needs to be responsible for himself. His dad has done his job the best he can, now it's time to cut the cord. ''Sink or swim" Stop babying him. He'll find a place to live and he'll even get a job then. But if you take him back in he'll quit the job he get's and say that they hated him or they were trying to fire him, and then you'll be back to square one again.

Answer 2

First off- you sound like a very good person to want to help. Here is the problem- this kid probably has some issues that have never been dealt with. I am going to assume that because the Mom was never involved the Dad tried to make up for it by spoiling him. Which is fine- but that is where the problem is. Your b/f needs to sit his son down, one on one, and let him know what he is expected to do. Lay out the expectaions without being "controlling" and he may listen a little more. Also- you allowing him to call his father a jerk is telling him it's ok to be disrespectful to his Dad. You need to put your foot down and explain why his Dad is such a "jerk" to him! But until you are "Mom" in the situation all you can do is stand by and help your b/f make better decisons. Good luck!

Answer 3

Sorry hun, it's time for some tough love. First of all you don't get any vote in this situation just because you're a girlfriend. So stay out of it as much as you possibly can. Daddy needs to realize he's raised a perpetual teenager who wont' grow up until he has to. He needs to be kicked to the curb and cut off from Daddy's credit card now that he's a man and not a boy. Don't feel sorry for the son.

Answer 4

Tell the boy that his dad has a point.

He needs to find something to do with his life, fast.
He needs to start taking some responsibility for his own upkeep.

What are his excuses for being a tick on his father?

Answer 5

He should kick his son out for a week and have him fend for himself to know what it's really like to be on his own. After that week hopefully he will have a reality check.

Answer 6

HI, YOURSELF., I THINK THAT YOU JUST NEED TO TALK
TO THE FATHER AND LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT WHAT GOING ON WITH HIS SON. HE MAY BE
JUST ACTING OUT, HE NEE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO PUSH
HIM TO DO THINGS, MAYBE YOU CAN GET HIM SOME
COUNSELING TO DEAL WITH ISSUES THAT HE HAS
ABOUT HIS MOTHER AND THINGS. I THINK THAT THE
REAL PROBLEM.