why do people think mothers are beyond reproach?

Question

Have you ever heard a teen say that their mother is treating them badly and the adults around all say "Hey, that's your MOTHER." and they immediately side with the mother???

I was raised by a very mentally ill and abusive mother. She told lies about me to the people I cared about. I was never allowed to speak on my own behalf. She still plays these games today and I am 37.

I wonder why people think that giving birth raises someone's status to being beyond reproach. My mother beat me, lied about me, emotionally abused me and threw me out of the house for no reason. NO ONE listened to me.

Perhaps people should take the time to consider that a teen with problems might be coming from a crappy homelife.

I do not allow her to mess with me anymore. I went for 3 years with no contact and I now have very "surface" conversations with her. I try to think of her as an ill person and be respectful. She won't ever "hurt" me again because I won't let her come that close. I have forgiven her, but I am angry that people won't consider that a mother could be in the wrong.

I will clarify. I was never asked or allowed to speak for myself. People ASSUMED what my mother said was true. They still do. I am not "harping about something that happened 37 years ago:....it is still happening TODAY.

For example: When I married my husband 3 years ago, I did everything to make the day nice for her too. I bought her a nice dress, I took her with me to get her hair and makeup done, I tried to honor her. She later spread it through the family that I said "My mother-in-law paid for my wedding because YOU wouldn't". This was an outright lie. My husband and I paid for my wedding and no one expected my mother, who is on disability, to pay for anything. It was never discussed. My family has since "shunned" me and I am no longer invited to family gatherings because they think I am always trying to hurt my mother. They really believe I say and do nasty things to her. None of them will talk to me about it. I am treated as the black sheep.

Answer 1

If I were you, I would consider myself lucky for being shunned from the family. It does not sound like you had a very supportive childhood, or anyone in your family or extended family that you could turn to for guidance.

Good for you for raising yourself above all of that. Something is wrong with the world today. My husband was the black sheep of the family and still is. He does not wish to have anything to do with them because they do the same thing, stab him in the back every time he turns around.

Good luck with your future and it sounds like you are on the right track.

Answer 2

But you have to understand that yours is a very unique case. Most times when a daughter say that her mother is treating her badly it is because her mother will not let her hang out with her friends of boyfriend or that mother is making her clean her room or do other chores in the house.

Some of us side with the mother because we believe that the child does not understand that sometimes being a mother means being the enemy.

Had a child come out and said to others my mother is beating with a belt then I dont think we would side with the mother .

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but I don't think all people believe mothers are "beyond reproach." The fact is that many teenagers, including myself at a certain age, are ungrateful and disrespectful to their parents, especially their mother. Despite this, I don't think most people immediately side with the mother. Don't assume that your situation is the norm. Also, you're 37 and still harping on something that happened 20+ years ago. Maybe you should move on.

Answer 4

In general when teens talk disrespectfully about their parents, it is a case of immaturity. Teens just go through THAT STAGE where they feel unloved and misunderstood, and most of us hear so much of that that it is sort of automatic to assume they are not seeing things realistically. Most of what I hear teens say along this line is really general: "My mom is so mean to me." "My mom doesn't love me." If one of them EVER and I mean EVER said anything specific such as you must have done, I would listen.

Answer 5

Its a myth - not all mothers are great or deserve respect. But at 37, if she's playing games with you, its because you allow it to happen.

Answer 6

Do you know how many teens say their mother is treating them badly when they truly aren't? I'd say that is the majority, maybe you should blame them for ruining it for kids who are really abused.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

I hear it alot thats why they don't belive you but I am dearly sorry about you and your mother's prroblem...

Answer 9

you are right and mothers are not like that because they didn't have that kind of homelife