I started going out with a girl about 3 weeks ago. Right before we started going out, she told me she was a cutter. You see, her dad tried to commit suicide, then the parents got divorced, they were forclosed upon, and now a girl from her school and grade is probably gonna buy the house. Before we started dating, she said she'd stopped because I told her it hurt me too much, and it did, I get very attached to my friends. Yesterday, I saw three new scars on her hand, when I saw them I started to cry, and we cried togather for about 10 minutes. She said she was so sorry, and she couldn't help it. Today she emailed me saying most cutters didn't stop(making excuses). The thing is I love her. How can she love me if she has to take out her depression on herself, I feel like it's my fault. If I was a better boyfriend I'd have helped her stop totally. I don't know what to do or how to approach her about it and make her stop. I can't tell her it tears my heart when she does it, what do I do?
2006-12-30 15:14:49 · 15 answers · asked by Kaleb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
it isnt your fault. her emotional issues are something she is going to have to work through on her own. you cant make her feelings go away, no matter how hard you try. all you can do is support her and be there for her when she needs to talk. ask her to discuss her emotional problems with you. it takes a lot of determination to stop cutting. it is never meant to hurt anyone else. she needs to relieve her pain in another form and it may take a long time. it took me years to get over it and i felt so bad because it hurt my boyfriend as well. whenever i felt like cutting instead i took deep breaths, closed my eyes, and tried to figure out why i wanted to cut. i had relapses every few months, but i have been cut free for 2 years now. having my boyfriend to listen to me and talk out my problems was a great help. just make sure you tell her how much you love and care for her and that you want to help her find another way to heal. tell her not to be ashamed. the best you can do is research information on cutting and give her time to heal. encourage her.
2006-12-30 15:26:08 · answer #1 · answered by rubbercement 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not your fault that your girlfriend is a cutter, so please don't think it is. You sound like a great boyfriend, wanting to help her stop. However, she needs more help than you're able to give her. I don't know much about cutters, but I'm guessing that cutting is an outlet from the emotional pain she's in. It's possible that she doesn't know how to talk about what she feels, so she cuts. Please don't question how she can love you. She needs your love and support. Offer to take her to talk to a doctor. Be there for her. Show her you love and care for her.
I wish you both the best.
2006-12-30 15:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by postcardtrader 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have a chum who became a cutter and that i actually am too youthful to have toddlers yet as quickly as I did have one and their boyfriend/lady pal became one i does no longer hate them yet i could be careful of ways this might impact the relationship. From my stories, my pal who became a cutter became very emotional and went to slicing merely because of the fact she theory i became prettier than her or extra helpful than her and that i on no account did something to make her experience that way, she delivered extremely some drama down upon me the place I merely had to enable her bypass. i does no longer desire my son's lady pal bringing in pointless drama that would desire to probable destroy his happiness. yet it is my very own opinion. you do no longer ought to tell the mum and dad which you're a cutter, yet you ought to relatively quit. I heard that having an elastic band around your wrist and then snapping is whenever you experience the might desire to harm your self is a good initiate of having out of that. yet i do no longer comprehend i became on no account a cutter in spite of the undeniable fact that it became what I heard from somebody who recovered.
2016-11-25 02:03:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay well 1st off its not your fault. and second tell her that you reallly really care about her and she has to stop tell her you are available to talk 24/7 and ask her if she wants to get professional help, it might be neccesary. my friend used to cut herself but i am not sure how she stopped i will ask her next time i see her and email you. she came to me very tempted on a school trip and i grabbed her and just hugged her telling her no we finally fell to the ground sitting now and we just talked i asked her why she would want to do that to herself and that life might be bad now but it will get better.
i hope this helps.
2006-12-30 15:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by Kait x3s you 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy asap. Go together. You sound like a great b'friend and a caring person. Do this for her, she has "stuff" inside her right now that she feels she can tell to no one . . . therapy will help A LOT and she'll be appreciative if you go as well.
Good luck, this will not be easy for either of you.
2006-12-30 15:19:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't blame Yourself, even IF You were a psychologist/counselor etc.....You wouldn't 'blame-Yourself' for the actions of another person.
Bottom-line, SHE has to want to get help, no amount of crying/cajoling by You or anyone else will do any good whatsoever.
Either she loves You (and herself) enough to get help, or she doesn't.
Don't 'hold-Your-Breath' waiting for her to stop on her own. IMO
2006-12-30 15:23:17 · answer #6 · answered by Realistic Viewpoint 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she seeing a counsellor?
Please, please do not think it's your fault. (take it from someone who used to be a cutter) This is her issue, not your failure. And please don't think she doesn't care for you just because she harms herself - cutting is about self-punishment n not understanding how to express emotional pain in a healthy way.
The best thing for you to do is to not judge her, listen to her when she opens up, but most importantly, she needs to learn to value herself - professional counselling can help her learn healthier habits to cope with her emotional struggles.
Good luck, and take care of yourself: )
2006-12-30 15:48:23 · answer #7 · answered by CHERRYBLOSSOM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well since u can't tell her in person that it hurts u that much email her and tell her just tell her that cutting is wrong and if she doesn't call u need to get her serious help b/c depression is a diesease and it may drive her to more EXTREME measures!!! if u really love her lik u say u do u will help her even if may make her hate u!!!!!!!!
2006-12-30 15:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by gothic! so wat u gonna do!!!!!!! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in a relationship like that. A total freaking mess! lots of drama it just got ugly. The best thing to tell u, is for u too advice her to get some help quickly! Pronto... .... good luck
2006-12-30 15:19:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
as an ex self mutilator myself, it is very hard to learn new ways of copping with things like depression. you just need to understand the complexity of the situation and support her and try to help her find different and healthier ways to cope with life and its hardships, if you really like her, you wont give up on her and u wil lunderstand and try to help to the best of your ability
2006-12-30 15:23:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋