I am a single mom, is it normal to have feelings of guilt when I go out and try to do something with friends?

Question

I work a 72-100hr week so I have little time outside of work so I feel guilty to spend any more time away from my 12mth old daughter

Answer 1

You can't be a good mother without allowing yourself some "you time". Yes you work 72-100 hours a week, but is it to support your daughter and give her everything she needs? If it is that's a good thing. You have to have some time for yourself to unwind and not have to think about anything but relaxing. Think about it....if all you did was work, and spend time with your daughter, you might wind up resenting yourself, or something about your life if you didn't make sure to have time to yourself. Based on the few details you gave, it sounds to me like you're a good mom.

Answer 2

Yes, it's completely normal to have feelings of guilt.

I'm a single Mum and I work and study from home. My daughter is six years old and I relish the time I have away from her. Believe me, getting away from your kids and responsibilities once in a while is a good thing.

Just bear in mind that a lot of your maternal guilt is actually a cultural construct; we are members of a society who believe that mothers need to be these perfect beings who can, and will, do everything with the best interest of their child at heart. This almost always means that we are to put aside our own needs to ensure that the kids get everything they want and have our undivided attention.

I think you need to spend time with your friends. Enjoy yourself and take the time to just be away from everything and everyone that relies upon you for everything.

If you're feeling extremely guilty, maybe try cutting back on time with friends. You seem to be working exceptionally long hours, is there any way to rework that at all? I suppose it will depend on your job and your income.

Your daughter will be fine in daycare etc and will get a lot of the socialisation she needs. Reports are coming out now that indicate that child care is actually good for children, so you oughtn't feel bad about being at work and also taking a little time for yourself. You'll burn out if you don't have some down time.
Then you'll be no good to anyone.

Answer 3

Oh yeah, it's completely normal! I have the same type of schedule and I feel guilty if I go to the grocery store without my 3 girls ages 4,3 and 1. Im not a single parent, but I still feel like I shouldn't be leaving them. Sometimes though it's necessary. Even if you go out to a movie by yourself a little "me" time will help you feel more relaxed and rejuvinated. Try going out or doing something just for you once a month and remember that your baby will love you no matter what!

Answer 4

if you truly work that many hours then yes you should give up any spare time to be with your daughter.

I worked the 4 years nearly seven days a week spending evenings doing bookwork. my daughter is 5 and I'm not sure where time went. My company closed its doors DEC 2 thought I would go crazy the first two weeks.

Now I am managing on unemployment and getting reconnected with my daughter Its been wonderful. like the spongebob song everyday is like the best day ever.

So yes I think you should spend every spare moment with here she'll be five before you know it!

Answer 5

I wouldn't go out too much if I were you is seems like you don't get to spend much time with your child now.Why do you work the hours of more than 2 people?
Yes I did feel guilty every time but I never went out that much

Answer 6

Yes i understand you work long hours and dont spend as much time as you would like with the child but if that baby is asleep and you go out for a while whats the hurt since shes sleeping and someone else it there incase she wakes up.

Answer 7

Feeling guilt just shows that you are a mother who cares. But it is important for you to have a social life, especially with such a heavy work schedule. Working that much would make it easy to burn out, especially with no outlet. You should really set away a little bit of time just for you.

Children learn by observing. Parents always want the best for their children. By doing this you are showing your child the importance of a good work ethic, as well as the importance of taking time for yourself. I'm sure you want your child to have a nice career and good personal life when they are grown. Not a lil work-a-holic (nothing wrong with that as long as there is balance)

For a suggestion, try to set aside a specific time for just you and your child. My mother had a rough work schedule as well, but she always had Tue. off. Tuesday mornings she did things for her or things she needed to do. Tuesday afternoons were all for me and her. Even now that I'm grown I still think of Tue. as my favorite day.

Answer 8

I am a stay at home mom and when I go out I feel guilty, I think it is just a mom thing. Try to relax and have a good time, you deserve it once in a while.

Answer 9

The more time you can spend with your daughter the better, obviously. But, it helps the development of your child to accompany you in your life. The more engaged and excited about life you are, the more you will teach your child to have the same approach to life. Check out the book, The Continuum Concept.

Answer 10

I knew the answer until I read how many hours you work. By all means go out with your friends on occassion, but more often try to find things you can do with your friends and bring your daughter, or have your friends over to your home. You are working a crazy number of hours and she really needs you!