What would YOU have done...let them run wild, spanked them & had DFCS called on you or sent them to the car?

Question

Here's the scenario:

I had the day from hell. My kids 11, 5 & 3 have destroyed my house, fought like cats & dogs, literally swung from the doors of the entertainment center to jump onto the sofa, spilled my beads I use to do projects, tore up a role of t.p. in an attempt to make snow, dissected all of their Christmas toys in various places throughout the house & snuck food upstairs (which is forbidden) & smeared it in the carpet among OTHER things. With no time or energy left to cook we went out for dinner.

In the restaurant we were met with glares from other patrons watching my kids misbehave & scream & just be brats in general. What should I have done?

a) Let my kids continue their behavior, disturb other diners & give them non-effective verbal threats.
b) Spank them and have DFCS called on me.
c) Sent them to the car to sit within sight of me & been cussed out by another patron of the restaurant for being a bad parent for putting them in the car?

continued....

So what's the best choice? The lesser of the 3 evils if you will? I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If you don't have kids, please don't bother answering. Believe me, I knew how to raise kids and had all the answers too BEFORE I was a parent.

Well, I was cleaning up the spilled beads when the food was snuck upstairs and I was cleaning up the food in the carpet when the 11 yr old came to inform me the 5 yr. old was swinging on the entertainment center. We have 2 levels and 5000 sq. ft. I can't be up under all 3 of them every second. It's just impossible. I would have to have 2 clones and then probably still not get any of my own work done.

We eat out a lot, I'm not the worlds best cook. I didn't take them to a fancy restaurant. It was one of those pick your combo # Tex-Mex restaurants where they know us well. They usually aren't so busy. Going out to eat is not a reward for my kids. It's just part of life. I also WORK at home on the computer. I have a home business so for those of you who think I'm sitting around watching soaps & eating bon-bons you're wrong. It's been probably 3 months since I've been able to sit down and watch a TV program.

Answer 1

I feel your pain! Here's what I did about it - and I can take my kids anywhere I want now.

1) Know that you have society's permission to parent your children. (then........)
2) Make a plan of what is ok and not ok for your kids to do. SHare the plan with your kids and inform them of concequences.
3) tell anyone who gets in your way (a) that you have a plan your working with or b) to kiss off (you can invite DFCS in for coffee later and show them your plan)JK

I wouldn't take them out in public after a day like that. Scrambled eggs is a perfectly acceptable dinner. If they dont want it - they can go to bed hungry and thats just fine too.

Check out Supernanny, nanny 911 and dr. phils family book to start figuring out what behavior you think is ok or not.

Go to flylady.com to help create order and routine in your home .

The final straw that let my kids know I meant business is when I took them out of a reasturant threw their food away and told them they were not behaving well enough to be out in public with me. I was calm and matter of fact. I did not fuel the situation by behaving like the crazy wild mommy I felt like. I have also left carts full of groceries with a clerk and taken a child out to the car for a time out. IT WORKS!

Tonight, If I were you, O would clear out every toy in the house and make them earn every single one back with hours/days of good behavior and help cleaning up the house. I have done this also, and it the effcts lasted several months. (I will probably be doing it again soon )

Keep it up. You are a good mom for caring - and you will be aapplauded by other moms in public for sticking to your plan.

Answer 2

honestly? Choice D) Ordered pizza to be delivered, or Choice E) once in the restaurant, I would have packed up the food, paid the check, then left to dole out appropriate discipline at home. However, that being said, you did what you thought was right. It may not have been the VERY best thing, but it surely wasn't child abuse as long as you could see them (unless it was the 3 year old you sent out alone. I might have a bigger problem with that). Don't worry too much about it. We all have those days where nothing seems to go right, and it is hard to think about the best thing to do. Everyone makes mistakes, and I am not even sure that I would classify this as a "mistake", just a different choice than I would have made in the same situation (but never let it be said I think I am a better parent than you--I am quite sure you have some better ways to do things than I do on certain issues.)

Answer 3

Ok, I know most of the other ones said it too, but after misbehaving all day, you took them out to eat????? They would have gotten no dinner until they clean that house spotless, and would have lost all their Christmas toys for at least a week! The 10 year old is old enough to use a vacuum and clean the carpet. I have one of those manual carpet sweepers that my 4 year old calls "hers" and just loves to use.
My question is why you let them act like that all day? I have a 9 and 4 yr old and even if I'm busy, I check up on them. If the room is getting too messy, they have to pick up what they are not playing with. If they are being too loud or fighting, they are separated and begin to lose privilages (TV, video games). If they choose not to clean it up then I take it for a looooong time!
Swinging on the entertainment center? My God are you a mother or a zookeeper? Mine would never even TRY that. How did they sneak food upstairs? Where were you? And I'd find a better place to store those beads if they are in a place the kids can knock them over. You need to step to the plate and discipline those kids or call SuperNanny!

Answer 4

Well first of all it's a good start to realize that what you did was toatlly completely wrong. So you deserved the grounding. If I were you I would sit down with my parents and say I was genunely sorry and explain what you did wrong, say you learned from it and will never do it again and accept the punishment. Next tell them that you are 14 after al and you think spanking is an unfair punishment for someone your age. As long as you tell your parents what you did wrong and tell them the truth next time it should all be good. Tell your friends it is part of growing up and they will make many mistakes just as you have. Don't rip on your 'rents cause there the only ones you have.I'm sure that considering your age your 'friends' will be very immature and make fun of you but they will eventually get over it when the next kjid gets caught for drinking at a party or something m,uch worse. good luck :-)

Answer 5

Poor mum
I wouldn't dare take kids any where after behaving like that.
They would have got their buts whooped at home made to clean up all of their mess (even the little one)

Take all Christmas gifts away from them for a while as punishment and just to top it off I would have cooked and made them eat it or bed with no supper.

In all honesty the other patrons were probably wishing you would give them a bit of a clip and pull them into line

PS never put them out in the car if something weird was to happen you would never forgive yourself

The one thing I regret with my kids I never made them do chores of any kind If I had my time over again I would work the little buggers because they take it all for granted.

Good luck mum get tough with them

Answer 6

Honestly, I don't know how you survive? I think Christmas break must feel like it's a month long to you. I personally don't feel bad if kids are acting badly at a restaurant. People have to eat, and a kid friendly place is not good for couples on a romantic date. If the kids are extra wild, you may want to have food delivered. Don't think about what strangers might think about you. Go where you need to go. I don't think spanking settles anything. And don't leave them alone, you are the responsible adult, whatever goes wrong is automatically your fault. You are trying to do the impossible and you need all the support you can get. Best of luck to you!!

Answer 7

First question is what have you done so far to discipline your children that they thought all the events before dinner were acceptable? If they are out of control, they should, under no circumstances be brought to any location outside of the house. Those are the repercussion for that behavior.

It sounds like you have very aggressive children, and, if spanking were the option, it only teaches them to fight aggression with aggression. I have found that, with aggressive children, calm voices work. You are the adult here, and you must remain calm. It will have a calming affect on the children. If you spazz out, they will spazz out too.

If you were alone in the restaurant, you should immediately tell your waiter that you need the bill and get your out of control children out of the restaurant. Don't threaten the children. Just tell them in a calm voice that because of their actions, they may not stay at the restaurant, and that you'll all be leaving. If you are with your husband/wife/another adult, you or that person should remove the children while the other person remains in the restaurant for the bill.

Do not spank. Do not send them to the car. Do not allow them to continue the behavior. The simple equation for it is:

If you do "a", then "b" will happen. Follow through.

Answer 8

I wouldn't have taken them out in the first place without dealing with the stuff that happened earlier in the day. Dinner could have been cheese and an apple. At the restaurant I'd have taken them to the car and taken them home. Other patrons should not have to put up with their bad behavior.

All the Christmas toys would have gone in garbage bags or boxes earlier and put in the basement until they deserved them back. No TV, no toys, no anything until a few things change, and the change needs to start with mom and dad and consistency and rules that you stick to and routines that you stick to. Your children are all old enough to understand some basic family rules - furniture is to sit on or look at (in terms of entertainment center - not for gymnastics), toilet paper has one purpose only, (did they clean up the mess??), mom's things are off limits, eat at the table, etc .

You seem to recognize that something needs to change. Not to be flippant at all, but have you ever watched the program Nanny 911? If not, you probably should. It might be of some help. Research parenting programs on line, at your library, or wherever makes sense to you. Go to a bookstore and start with a book on parenting. But for your own sanity and for the long term well being of your kids, something needs to change. No one wants to be around kids who don't know how to behave.

Good luck with it.

Answer 9

Oh jeez, thats a tough one and my heart goes out to you, as do most of the other mom's who's kids are on school break this week, I'm sure.

I guess I probably would have threatened them in some way and if they didnt shape up I would have asked for the check wrapped up the food and left. And when we got home they would have all been sent to their rooms to spend the rest of the night.

All I can say is next time (hopefully not tomorrow) you know to just order in a pizza and not to go out for your own sanity. I would say "to heck with the other diners" but I too am concerned that my children dont disturb others when we are out especially at meal times.

Keep your chin up, Tuesday will be here soon!

Answer 10

Gosh, I'm sorry that you had that kind of day with your kids.
First of all, we all have those kind of days when we think, 'what the heck am I doing wrong, I know i'm not a bad parent.' There are days when I think that I'm a bad mom, but then there are those days when things happen to go right and we are all on-top-of-the-world. Hang in there and remember that horrible days are usually followed by good days.
So, if I were you and were presented with that kind of behavior from my daughter, I'd like to think that I would stop her mid-freak-out and just LEAVE the restaurant. Who cares what other people think. I think you have to throw that worry out the window.
Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and let them know that you mean business. So, if that ever happens again, and I'm really hoping for you that it doesn't, remove them and yourself from that situation. Put money on the table for the server and get up and leave. Their behavior WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Period. It may mean that you and your kids go to bed hungry that night, but hopefully your actions will have taught them how to behave and how to respect their mom!
Hang in there and stay strong. This parenting thing is hard work but it's essential that we teach our kids how to behave in a respectable manner.