Disaster at the restaurant tonight....what to do? What did I do wrong?

Question

Let me preface this by saying I've had the day from hell. I know kids love winter break but it's making me insane. At least when my kids are at school for a few hours I have time to clean and get myself together. Today my kids destroyed my house. It was already messy from Christmas holidays when the whole family came over but they literally destroyed it. The toys they got were all over. One of them tore a roll of toilet paper into little pieces trying to make snow. My smallest one got a hold of some beads I use for crafts & opened them all over the floor. Every 10 minutes one of them is coming to the kitchen for something to eat. They sneak food upstairs and smear it into the carpet. As soon as I would clean up one mess I found another. I am at my wits end. I didn't have dinner cooked tonight so we went out to eat. My kids kept up their destructiveness in the restaurant. My 3 yr. old was climbing on top of the candy machines, my 5 yr. old twirling around while......

servers were carrying plates of food. I had to have a margarita & I don't drink. I had to send them out to the car to sit while I tried to compose myself. I had an 11 yr. old, 5 yr. old & 3 yr. old sitting in the car 10 ft. from where we were sitting. When we left about 20 minutes later this guy came out to tell us what terrible parents we were to put our kids in the car. I am so sick & freakin tired of people who have never lived a day of my life condeming me for my actions. I was freakin babysitting at age 11 & now I can't put my 11 yr. old in the car with my others, locked up & secure & in my sight while I try to have 20 mins of peace? This is the same guy who looked at us like we were garbage because our kids were misbehaving in the restaurant. I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't. I'm seriously at my wits end. What to do? My kids go to church, I stay home with them to raise them myself. I don't know what else to do. Please, serious answers. Can't take more anymore.

I have tried 'time out', I've tried no TV, I've tried grounding for the older one, I've tried spanking. They just don't give a s**t what I do to them. They have absolutely no respect, no concern for others, selfish beyond belief. Where did I go wrong?

Would LOVE to go to dinner alone but grandparents are not involved. They are too involved in their own little worlds and they don't want to take care of my kids because they know what brats they are. I've even lost babysitters because of their behavior. I never dreamed it would be this hard to be a parent.

I've tried time out and spanking and all that stuff. They just don't care. Stop having kids? I was stopped at my 2nd and God decided regardless of birth control I was going to have the 3rd. I'm not a child. I'm 40 yrs. old so it's not like I don't know what I'm doing. I've read all the books. I've even taken classes. I've watched Nanny 911. Your criticisms are not helping. You're just being hateful. Thanks for nothing. I get that enough from my kids.

Answer 1

Aww honey you had a bad day.It happens to the best of us. I do not think that you were wrong.In fact it could have been much worse.Imagine the glares and out rite mortification had you actually spanked those little angels while in the restaurant! I have sooo been there. I was in the Store with my children one day,Now we've all seen those kids running up and down the isles screaming and knocking stuff of shelf's.That day it just happened to be mine. Well after the umpteenth time of saying stop that,I lost my temper and gave my son a smack on the back side. the same people that could be heard saying "god why can't people just discipline their children" "how can she just sit there and do nothing while that little monster tears up the place" Stopped to stare in complete horror. Then it was " I can't believe she hit him!"" My god what kind of a monster just up and spanks a kid for having a little fun?" I'm going to tell you now what my mother once told me " Honey you can only please some of the people some of the time and the rest will have to just bite your a**" Now mind you she had, had a few drinks but the wisdom is still there.

Answer 2

On this forum you will always get a certain number of mean people answering your question. A couple of the answers were pretty good, but you have apparently tried those methods and no change. It's awful when kids get the upper hand and you feel so out of control. I had two daughters that were constantly fighting with each other and with me. Every day I would get to work already exhausted and dreading going home. They were older, 11 and 13, but the one thing that made a difference to them is that I refused to take them anyplace, let them go anyplace or have any friends over until they had earned the points necessary for the privilege. They didn't care either, but when they realized that my way (earning points) was the only way they were getting any privileges they began working the system.

When they were little I tried and failed at lots of attempts. One thing I did was join a parenting support group and got ideas from other parents. Not being in your shoes it's kind of difficult to be really helpful here, but you are not a bad parent. You are just at your wits end. I wish I could be more helpful.

Answer 3

I think you might be letting them get away with too much without you realizing it. I'm not saying you are a bad parent but if your everyday is the same ol' thing, you get in to a rut and don't realize how wrong things are going. If you can, look for that TV program, The Nanny. You would probably be able to relate to some of the families she deals with and understand. Sometimes you need someone else to literally point out your drawbacks. My husband and I will consult with each other at least once a month to point out each others weaknesses, if any, (it is usually issues regarding housework, like forgetting to clean off the counter after making toast or, say, not doing a certain item on our planned "to-do" list when we have a day off...nothing super big-deal) just to help keep in line. If I start nagging about stuff, which I don't intentionally do, he'll let me know, so I can think over how I can improve my ways and be a better person. Mabe you could invite a friend or family member to hang out with you on an average day to make notes...for you...on how you are handling the kids, and mabe you could resort your thoughts and somehow change your ways to work better for your family.
Please, I'm not trying to knock you down. I know it is tough and I'm just trying to give a suggestion. If you don't agree with me, that's ok, I respect your feelings either way. I wish you good luck!

Answer 4

It doesn't sound like this is an every day occurrence. My kids can get like this as well, especially being couped up at home for a few days. Crazy children. Personally, I would not put my children in the car, even if they were in my sight, if there was not an adult with them. I do leave them with their father and go out on my own in the evening, for a few minutes of peace. I have found that an outing in the morning leads to a more peaceful afternoon. Good luck.

Answer 5

need for us to know how many children, what ages, does anyone help you?
Have meals at a set time, every meal every day. Snacks at a set time also and only eat in the kitchen, You have to have some rules and limits for your own sanity.
At the end of the day before baths blow a whistle for "clean-up" time. They all have to help put things away. If they do they get a star on the calender or chart that you make. When they get to 10 stars they get a treat such as a rented video. They will encourage each other to get to 10.
Use the stars for lots of other things, too, such as behaving in a restaurant. Take a star away for really bad behavior. Remember that 3-yr-olds are not grown-up enough to do these things perfectly but they can learn.
When you give a star tell that child why he got the star and praise him. When you take away a star tell him why and that you expect him to do better next time.
Remember whatever mommy says is truth to them. If mommy says "you are such a bad boy" the child will do his best to be bad because mommy said so. So give lots of good words.

Answer 6

Sounds like they are getting old enough to be shown some discipline! Especially with your five year old if you don't start disciplining your children now there will be hell to pay later when they're teenagers lol! I recommend a couple swats on the butt when they do something wrong but some people are against spanking which is fine. So if your against spanking you should try time out some people say one minute for each year of age but i recommend two! Also your five year old is old enough where you can make him do chores around the house when he misbehaves. I completely understand it can be embarrassing for your kids to do that stuff especially in a restaurant. So I wish you luck and a Happy New Year. Also the reason why they arent listening is cause they know your giving up on punishments you need to try only one punishment and stick with it. You said you tried spanking, corner, grounding, and extras but it aint working because you wont stick with it.

Work with your kids love them and spare the rod spoil the child lol! Just let them know your in charge not them. Take them to the doctor and see if theres any medical reason why it wont work.


lil_rapsta_girl

Answer 7

Oh no! That really sounds like the most awful day ever. I say time to regroup. Staying at home with kids is HARD, and they are probably missing the routine of school. Kids get bored at home and that is never good! My 3 year old feeds off of chaos and if he's around other kids that are getting wild, he's more than happy to join in.

An AWESOME book for all ages is "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" (http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960). It helps you not only with discipline, but helps you understand your kids too. I think it's a must read and it feels SO good to have a plan in place.

Pooey on anyone who says you are a bad parent. Do you know how many parents are probably counting the days until their kids go back to school? Lesson learned: don't go out to eat when the kids are already wild. Easy enough and no lasting harm to anyone. You're a good parent because you care, and I am willing to bet the kids are only bad for you and not for other people (even dad). You are their safe person and they will push you harder than anyone.

Go out and get that book - and adding one more recommendation: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288/sr=1-1/qid=1167528109/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-3316412-0437609?ie=UTF8&s=books Great book as well!

Answer 8

OMG, a page out of my own book! Finally, someone to relate too! If you look under my name, you'll notice I asked a similar question not too long ago. I have four kids, 7, 3, and 18 month old twins. The twins, are usually angels. It's the other two that I've had a big big problem with. I actually had someone suggest kiddy bootcamp! They're not THAT out of control, and I don't think my oldest is even old enough for that! Luckly, my husband's in the military. I called one of my friends, that works at he MP station to come over and see the mess they'd made. It worked for them. Scared them half to death to be told by someone in uniform that our house was dirty and if it didn't get straighten up, I was in big trouble! It was really my livingroom, and their bedroom that was a nightmare. I had just cleaned my front room, steam cleaned the carpets and everything. The next day I had a headache, so when the twins took their nap, I took a motrin and told the older two I was going to go lay in front of the fan in my bedroom. I came out 30 minutes later, and I was in tears! It's been nearly two weeks since I had the MP at my house. Glory be to God, it's still pretty neat and tidy, with minimal cocercion on my part for help! Now if I could only get them to go to bed when they're told?

Answer 9

wow been there, you are not alone, just know that..... wake up tomorrow and start again, sit the kids down tell them you need there help....try to find anyone husband anyone and go get some coffee some where or take a walk sometimes us moms need a time out too you are trying thats what is important, you've had a very bad day and need a hug ASK someone for one wish i could give you one just think im at home with 5 godbless it will get better today is almost done

Answer 10

I'm a SAHM of two (#3 is on the way). I realize that we all have days that seem out of control. But in this case it seems like your day was lacking in structure. At least two of your kids are used to being in school. They're on break. Their routine is broken up so you need to provide one. How is it the kids were able to do all the things you just listed? I mean, there must have been zero supervision. What were you doing during all of this? My kids have a routine. They know what to expect from day to day. If something out of the ordinary is going on I'll explain it the night before and I'll explain what kind of behavior I expect. During the day if I'm going to get on my computer for 10 minutes or so I'll say to them, "I'm going to check email for a bit. You guys can color or you can get your train tracks out. When I'm done we'll get a snack." Sometimes they might not like the suggestions I made and they'll ask to do something else instead. That is fine. The point is they are not just set loose to do whatever. They also know to ask when they want something from the kitchen. I usually say yes but they had better ask first. What were the consequences of your kids getting food and smearing it on the carpet? Did you make them clean it up and then spend time in their beds?

As for going out to eat, you kind of set yourself up for that one. What did you expect? You are the mom. You know your kids better than anyone. There have been times I've considered going out and decide against it because the kids are too wound up. Those are the nights you order in or you just make it a sandwich night. You don't drag three wound up kids to a retaurant and expect them to behave. That isn't fair to any of you.

We all get our frazzled moments. No one's kids are perfect and no one is the perfect mother. But in your case I think you need to get organized and establish a routine and it might help to interact with your children more throughout the day. Tell them to play quietly for half an hour and then you'll do a couple of board games, or you'll set up an art project to do together, or you'll make popcorn and watch a video with them. These things work wonders with my kids.

Good luck to you!