Regarding Mom?

Question

Ok, this is a long one. My mom was very disfunctional as i was growing up.. Left me and my sister to take care of our little brother and sister for weeks at a time. We lived in a small town so nothing ever happened even though we should have been taking away. I do not have a relationship with her. She has had several strokes, tried to commit suicide and now is in a nursing home for rehabilitation, however, she thinks she will be getting out and be living on her own. I dont think that should happen. She cannot take care of herself and none of her kids will take care of her. There is alot of past manipulation and meaness on her part towards us kids. My brother and sister did have contact with her and helped her for a while until she started the same ole stuff getting mad and saying her kids were dead and that she never wanted to see them again. Well, now they have cut all ties with her.. She is alone. Her brothers and sisters dont even have contact with her.. Are we wrong? What to do?

Answer 1

well this is just my opinion my mother died October 10Th and i have the biggest blank spot in my life now that I'm trying to figure out how to fill the void . The moral of this story is you only have one mother and when shes gone you cant talk to her hug her or just call and see how shes doing . so in my opinion you need to forgive your mother and try to resolve your problems . because when shes gone ther will be alot of should of could of would of . any way good luck

Answer 2

You have a bad situation. It sounds as though your mother is in deep despair. She is obviously depressed and at times doesn't know what she is saying and this makes things very difficult on family members. I take it no one has any funds to pay for her to stay in an assisted living center. I doubt she has the funds to do so. If everybody has abandoned her then she is literally left on her own and this is sad indeed. I wonder if she really knows what she is saying at times. She may have dimentia to some degree which debilitates a person into thinking fantasy is reality and so they say things that aren't true and can make others very upset. This seems true in your case. Since she is in a rehabilitation center why don't you ask the people there if they know of a place she could go that would take care of her. Maybe they know of a place. You might also contact the Senior Citizens organization there and see if they can recommend a place or maybe contact a minister for help.

Answer 3

There is obviously so much to this story that it sounds as if you could write a book, and anything that people here say will be based on too little information.
However, I think you're shown that whenever someone in the family tries to reach out to your Mom, she abuses the person and the relationship. So, you're probably not wrong to be very wary of initiating anything.
Can you talk to her counselors at the nursing home? I don't know how much they can tell you, but they should be able to advise you on her general condition. If it sounds as if she hasn't changed, then you should be careful about how much you take her back into the family. But, you never know, maybe they discovered a chemical imbalance that is now being properly treated and she may be a very different person.
Again, we have too little information. Go to those who know her best, and be careful, no matter what you decide.

Answer 4

Sounds like your mom has some serious issues. Cutting your ties is difficult. Perhaps not today but many todays from now. You seem to be bordering on stepping up to the plate on this matter. Are you afraid you also will be cut off from the family? If so that is understandable. The problem with mothering is that their is no guide. For the most part it is touch and go. What works with one child does not work with another.The suicide attempt is evidence that your mother is experiencing some guilt and battling her own demons. Do what is in your heart and if you have the time read the book: My Mother, Myself. Wishing you and your family peace and strength. Robi

Answer 5

In my opinion, you're just feeling guilty. There is no rule or law that says that you have to love, like, support or see your mother. This has been attempted by your siblings before, with the usual outcome. Chances are, another attempt by you will only lead to the same conclusion. If you decide to help, be aware that there is a great chance that she will eventually treat you as she did before. However, if it will make you sleep at night, then go ahead. The only person that will get any type of satisfaction out of your kindness, is you. Even if it ends up destroying you.

Answer 6

relatives relationships are so complicated this time of year. Your mom actually appears like she's depressed. She would have another themes occurring, besides. in case you experience you will desire to bypass, take some superb presents (a superb walking in shape, some thing she would be able to positioned on at abode besides a night gown would be superb). Take the stepdad some thing superb - a superb little device or some thing from a save like Brookstone. for the reason which you recognize she does not prepare dinner, why no longer take an entire cooked meal. you do no longer would desire to make it your self, many grocery shops sell arranged dinners with each thing inclusive of dessert. Plan to spend a limited volume of time. you could ask her approximately issues she did as a new child and stay far off from those aspects you recognize you and she or he would have the capacity to disagree. do purely no longer communicate approximately them and refuse to get drawn into those discussions. you could make this a superb, drama-loose time while you're making the alternative on the front area the form you like this to bypass. you do no longer would desire to spend the night in case you finally end up staying for awhile and don't desire tocontinual. Make reservations at a hotel so in case you finally end up staying awhile, you do no longer would desire to stay there. With somewhat education and fore-concept, that is a superb time and for all people. desire this facilitates. sturdy success.

Answer 7

Well it depends how you are going to feel once your Mom has passed on. But for now why not you and your brotheres and sisters go visit her for a while. SHe will notice it in teh long run but if she \starts been abusive again just don't worry and let someone else take care of her. As long as your not feeling quilty about not seeing her as she is, I wouldn't worry becasue you'll need some conseling to just get it off your shoulders.

Answer 8

We don't get a say in who our family is... And why would blood ties be enough to allow someone to punish and neglect you the way "good old mom" does...? That's not right.

Friends are the family we choose ourselves... keep that in mind.... Or should a daughter or son that was abused by a parent have to feel guilty for not being able to be there for that person?

Make your peace with your maker.... you tried with mom and she's not having any of it. You are entitled to be happy... in this life....

Answer 9

You cant live for you mother. All you can do is love her because she is your mother but if she is not doing anything to better herself and only bringing you and your family down, then you are doing the right thing. I've been there and done that. Stay focused on what you're doing with your life and Mom will have to do for herself.

Answer 10

Only you can make that move to help or not help but I dounderstand she would cause troubles for you and your concern now is for your family and yourself,