My husband and I want to get pregnant ASAP but am afraid of...?

Question

My mother and I have a very strained relationship to write the least. We hardly speak. Actually, relationships on both sides of the family are extremely strained. My mom has been waiting for grandchildren forever and I'm the only one who'll do it. But I don't want to tell my mom about it if and when I get pregnant. I don't want her in my life at all, and she apparently feels the same about me. I know she'd only be interested in me because of her grandbaby. What should I do? Is it terrible to not tell her about it?

Answer 1

This is a decision for you and your husband. If you don't want her near you and the baby, so be it.

Answer 2

Wow. I am sorry that you and your mom don't have a good relationship. When a woman gets pregnant and has a baby, she needs her mother, either emotionally, physically, or both. I can't tell you what decision to make. But try to take your feelings out of the equasion when deciding how to handle your relationship with your mom. I know that's really hard to do. Think through what it will be like if your daughter or son does not have a grandmother. Grandparents are a link to the past--their heritage. Their identity. Also, is your desire to keep your mother away from your future daughter a way of punishing your mom? If so, you will be making a mistake, and only deepening the wound, perhaps even causing new ones that your daughter or son will have to deal with.
I don't know what events caused you and your mom to be at odds with each other, but having a child can often bridge gaps because there is a greater sense of understanding of each other and being able to identify with each other due to common experiences.
If your mother has wronged you, forgiveness is the key. Not for her sake, but for yours and the baby's. Unhealed wounds left open by unforgiveness get passed along to future generations.
Perhaps your mother seems intent on having a grandbaby because she feels she messed up with you and wants a second chance to make an influence for good.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

i think you should deffinatly go for it. if ur mom is gonna hang around the house because of grandchildren then just say...."Mom i am sorry but you didn't want anything to do with me before so i don't want anything to do with you now". Done deal

Answer 4

im in the same position as you. believe me she'll want to be in the babys life. my mom didnt talk to me all through my pregnancy and wen my little girl was here she wanted to know. like my mom she'll come see the baby an ignore you. if she wants to see your child she has to respect you too

Answer 5

tell her she didnt want a relationship with you before you had kids and so she should just leave you and your family alone if you dont want to make amends good luck.

Answer 6

Technically you need to tell her. She has every right in the world and she can take you to court for her rights as a grandparent and screw you over bad. Dont have enough information as far as the relevency of you and family not speaking but the unborn grandchild has the right to grandparents and not telling them would deprive the child and them of rights. Sounds like its just you who does not want your mom in your life....

The Grandparents Rights Organization is a national volunteer non profit organization founded in 1984 by founder and executive director, attorney Richard S. Victor. It has been qualified as tax exempt organization under section 501 (a) of the Internal Revenue Code as an organization described in section 501 (c) (3). It’s purpose is to educate and support grandparents and grandchildren and to advocate their desire to continue a relationship that may be threatened with loss of contact or amputation usually following the death or divorce of the grandchild(s) parents.

Originally started in Oak Park, Michigan, the Grandparents Rights Organization (GRO) moved to Birmingham, Michigan where it remained until the national headquarters moved to its present location at 100 W. Long Lake Road, Ste. 250, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan 48304. The phone number is [phone]. GRO members exist in every state as well as in Canada. In 1991 Newsweek magazine called GRO "the nation’s largest" (grandparents’ support group).



GRO members receive newsletters filled with articles of interest for grandparents who have gone through the agony of being denied access or visitation with their grandchildren. Updates on the activities of local GRO members as well as legal rights around the country are also shared with members through the newsletter. When a member joins GRO they are provided a copy of the law's in the state's where a grandparent concern may take place with each membership kit.



GRO seeks contact volunteers to submit their names to be contacted by the media in order to share their individual stories, as well as to be contacted by other grandparents who may be going through the difficult separation caused by the denial of contact with their grandchildren. GRO, through its membership, assists in educating the various legislatures and courts around the country of the need to protect the special bound which exists between grandparent and grandchild. GRO believes that if death takes a grandparent from a grandchild that is a tragedy, but if family bickering or vindictiveness denies a child the unconditional love of a grandparent, then that is a shame.

Child Visitation Laws
All 50 states currently have some type of "grandparent visitation" statute through which grandparents and sometimes others (foster parents and stepparents, for example) can ask a court to grant them the legal right to maintain their relationships with loved children. But state laws vary greatly when it comes to the crucial details, such as who can visit and under what circumstances.

Approximately 20 states have "restrictive" visitation statutes, meaning that generally only grandparents can get a court order for visitation -- and only if the child's parents are divorcing or if one or both parents have died. However, most states have more permissive visitation laws that allow courts to consider a visitation request even without the death of a parent or the dissolution of the family, so long as visitation would serve the best interests of the child. Some states allow caretaking adults besides grandparents to make such a petition.

Both restrictive and permissive visitation statutes have been challenged in court by parents who argue that the laws are an infringement on parents' rights to raise their children as they see fit. Courts have made contradictory rulings.

The U.S. Supreme Court Decision
In 2000, the U.S. Supreme Court tackled this critical problem of grandparent visitation rights. In the case of Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000), the Court reviewed a state court case from Washington State that struck down a permissive grandparent-visitation statute. The Supreme Court agreed that parents have a fundamental right to make decisions about raising their children, but it did not agree that the permissive visitation statute was unconstitutional nor that allowing a nonparent to petition for visitation rights would amount to an assault on the integrity of the family unit.

Answer 7

then dont tell her but if u were too just keep everything the same

Answer 8

you should still have your baby