How can you tell early on if a man (or woman) is or will become emotionally/mentally/maybe even physically abusive later on in the relationship if you continue to stay together?
2006-12-30 11:29:17 · 17 answers · asked by purringout 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know some young women (and a couple of men... not as much but there are some I know!) who have not realized that their partners were abusive until long after they started dating... I even have a friend whose husband did not show his *true colors* until three years after they started dating!
2006-12-30 11:39:36 · update #1
It starts out slow. He/she will be very manipulative and tend to play the victim role, playing on your sympathies. 'Nobody understands me', 'the world is against me', etc. They want you to feel sorry for them and to feel a sense of responsibility for them. The they will begin to critisize your friends, your family and try to isolate you. They will become jealous (born out of a a very deep insecurity) of anyone who keeps you away from them. Each time he/she looses control it will escalate, then they will cry and manipulate you into forgiving them and they will promise to never do it again and of course it was really YOUR fault for doing whatever you did to piss them off and they will not take any personal responsibility for their own actions. Good Luck if you're in that kind of situation. There are a lot of resources out there, make sure you access them.
2006-12-30 11:39:39 · answer #1 · answered by Turtleshell 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know most of the time women complain that men don't call us enough, or sooner, or whatever...but if a guy CONSTANTLY calls, emails, or texts me to see what I am up to or to let me know that he "is just thinking about" me, then I get the feeling (from past experience) that they are either a jealous/untrusting person, or they have a tendency to be dependant, and I REFUSE to be in a co-dependent relationship.
The guy that treated me this way actually paged me (it was the 90s, I had a pager, not a cell phone) every 15 minutes when I was hanging out at an antique store with a ton of female relatives. The only guy with us was 3 months old. When I finally found a pay phone and called him he was all "WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED ME BACK?!?!" all panicky. I seriously didn't know how to handle the situation.
Later when things were falling apart he said "well, I'm co-dependent!" and I had to say "NO, you're DEPENDENT. Co-dependency requires for BOTH people to be unhealthily dependent upon each other, and BELIEVE ME, I am NOT dependent on you for ANYTHING!!"
He ended up being a stalker and I had to get a restraining order.
2006-12-30 11:40:51 · answer #2 · answered by concretebrunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Too much too soon" is a good indicator. If the other one tells you "I love you" or that you're the one he/she has been "waiting all his/her life for," etc..., when you don't really know each other that well, or if he/she wants to spend ALL his/her time with you right off the bat, if there is inappropriate jealousy or inappropriate behavior due to jealousy or suspicion, if he/she has had an abusive upbringing and has not dealt with the effects, if he/she gets irrational about something that upset him/her or gets inappropriately upset over something trivial, roadrage, dominating the relationship, etc... doesn't neccessarily mean there will be abuse but most likely there will at least be difficult issues if not abuse between you.
2006-12-30 11:38:37 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to tell is to know their past. If you cannot do this, then ask yourself if you notice they have a major temper or anger problem. Even they don't end up abusive, someone with anger problems still should seek help. You wouldn't want to bring that into a relationship and DEFINITELY not a marriage!
2006-12-30 11:31:30 · answer #4 · answered by Yuka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Push to rush into a deeper relationship
Jealosy
Talks down on your friends /relatives
Nit-picks
Changes into a more controling person when the relationship gets deeper
Wants to change you
Uses other people to make you jealous
Lies
Puts down your taste in things
Accuses you of beling uptight when he/she has hurt your feelings
Says sorry but hurts you again the same way
2006-12-30 11:36:20 · answer #5 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of crowd does he hang out with? What does he do for a living? What is the first thing he does after work? What is the first thing he does after coming home from the first thing he does after work? Drinker? Smoker? Drugs? Do you know his friends? Do you know his family?
If you are asking here, chances are your doubts are correct.
2006-12-30 11:32:28 · answer #6 · answered by no name brand canned beans 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Controlling at the start,tells you they don't like your friends or says comments about what you wear or things you do that make you feel insecure and question yourself.blaming everyone else for anything that goes wrong in their lives,there are signs but you rarely see them when you like/love the person unfortunately
2006-12-30 11:35:47 · answer #7 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can be tough to tell...watch for mood swings, violent negative reactions, blaming others for things they did wrong, and lying...I'm sure there may be others but those would be some things that would signal to me "Danger Will Robinson!"
2006-12-30 11:32:33 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats a hard one 2 answer my husband became abusive after we married .
2006-12-30 11:32:32 · answer #9 · answered by texas nanna 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wanting to spend every moment with you and want you to spent your every moment with them to a ridiculous point, jealousy, controlling things like trying to tell you who to hang out with, what to where ect.. Getting angry when you do things with the people they don't like. Mood swings.
2006-12-30 11:32:16 · answer #10 · answered by lisa h 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋