Anybody Have a hilarious joke?

Question

Okay!
You guys need to be creative because these are really bad!!!!!

Answer 1

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the **** are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

Answer 2

The Perfect Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello." WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later!I love you so much!!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Answer 3

This joke is racy but funny trust me

Once this straight guy (due to unfathomable circumstances) moved to a gay town, where there were nothing but gay men. Being straight, he stayed at home. But loneliness get the best of him, so one day he went to a gay bar. since he was so bored, he asked one of the fa gs there that what do u guys like to do for fun? The fa g replies " Sir, we stick our ***** in that big box in the corner and take turns f ucking it." The straight guy thought what the heck. i got nothing to loose. Besides its not like i am having sex with a guy or something. So he decides to give it a go and he sticks his thingy in the box, and humps away. To his surprise, he finds the "experience" highly enjoyable. After he finishes, the fa g walks up to him and says i told u it was fun. The straight guy asked what the heck was in the box, that felt so good. To which the fa g says " come Wednesday and you'll find out"
Well... the straight guy goes back home and gets really anxious bout what the box might contain. Before u kn it, Wednesday comes. He, nervously, goes to that gay bar, and he notices as he is walking there everyone is staring at him, pointing at him, or laughing. Now he really gets nervous. As he walks into the ber, the same fag who introduce him to the box was waiting for him. He asks him " Well, whats ur answer. " To which the fag replies" Today. its your turn to sit INSIDE the box"

Answer 4

Two federal judges from San Antonio,Texas had driven up to Austin to visit their elderly mother. On the way back,they stopped off at this little roadside diner to get something to eat. As they entered,the waittress recognized them instantly. "Hello your Honors. Take a seat and I'll be right with you". As the men sat down,the waittress came over with her pad and pencil. "What can I get for you today" she asked. Both judges looked at each other and agreed to have two donuts and a cup of coffee each.
As they ate the donuts and drank the coffee,they decided to order something to go to eat on the way home.
So they called the waittress over. "Anything else sirs"? The first judge says,"Yes,we'd like a couple of burgers and a couple of large cold drinks to go please"."Yes sir" answered the waittress. She wrote up the order and placed the ticket on the clip for the cook to see.
From where both men were sitting,they could see the cook making their order. To their shock and amazement,they saw the cook take a large meat ball and flatten it out by sticking it under his armpit. Then,he placed it on the grill to cook. He then repeated the process. Both men were in awe at what they were seeing. Soon the waittress brings their orders with a great big smile and the ticket. The first judge says,"Look,you don't expect us to pay for that? We saw how that food was made". The waittress leans over and whispers,"Yes sir,it's disgraceful but if you think that's bad,you should see how he makes those donuts".

Answer 5

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."

Answer 6

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH"

"What fish?" the man asked.
_________________________
or just look at my step-mom

Answer 7

Q. whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts
A. ones 1.69 and the others are under a buck.
Q. what has 3 teeth and 60 legs
A. the front row at a willie nelson concert

Answer 8

An orthodox Jewess, with joy, gave birth to a fine baby boy,
but that father, the foll,
when he saw the kid's tool,
he remarked: Oy my G-d, it's a goy.

Answer 9

What do you get when you cross your home pc with your wife? A computer that won't go down!

Answer 10

Everyone's spelling.