i'm bored does anyone know any good jokes or summit to make giggle?

Question

oh devils advocate your just sooo funny , cant u learn another trick with your finger ? try sticking it up your mothers backside ...

Answer 1

a man walks into a bar. He said ouch.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He asks the barman.... 'can I have a large whisky... and one for the road'

two goldfish in a tank... one says to the other 'How do I drive this thing'

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face.

Celine dion walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face.

oh and btw devils advocate.. that finger ascii is sooooo tired.

Answer 2

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."

Answer 3

Like to think this limerick gives you a giggle:-
There was a young woman from Kent
Said she knew what it meant
When asked out to dine
With cocktails and wine
She knew what it meant-
But she went!
All best wishes for the New Year - Keep smiling

Answer 4

About 6 years agoin Indiana,Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by 5 girls in her school,trying to embarrass her in front ofher school during a fire drill.When she didn't submerge the police were called.They went downand brought up17 year old Carmen Winstead's body,her neck broken from hitting the ladder,and then theside concrete at the bottom.The girls told everyone she fell...They believed them.FACT:2 months ago,16 year old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it.When he went totake a showerhe heardlaughterfrom his shower,he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it.He said goodnightto his momand went to sleep.5 hours later his mom woke upin the middle of the night cause of a loud noise.David was gone.That morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer,his neck broken and his face skin peeled off.Now that you read this, Carmen is going to get you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAZHAAHHAHAHAHAH JUST KIDDING GF!~!~♫

Answer 5

how`s this?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Answer 6

A man sees an advert in the newspaper advertising "lose 10lbs in one week". Thinking he needs to lose a bit of weight and has nothing to lose he sends off payment.

At the beginning of the next week he opens his door to find a naked woman who says "The deal is I run and when you catch me we have sex." After a week of this he thinks great, I'm getting exercise and getting laid. Sure enough after the week he has lost 10lbs.

Next week he sees an advert saying lose 20lbs in one week, being happy with the first week he signs up. At the beginning of the week he opens the door and there is another naked woman, much nicer, fitter and wearing running shoes. Again she says "the deal is I run, you catch me we have sex". This time it takes longer for him to catch up each time and after the week sure enough he has lost 20lbs.

He sees another advert this time saying lose 30lbs in one week, thinking back he thinks this must be something special so signs up straight away.






At the beginning of the week he opens the door to find a Large muscular Naked Black man who says "this time you run, I catch you."

Answer 7

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on
the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in
here, flop your fat *** down, don't even say hello to me and then xpect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long??" The husband sighed. "Oh ****, it's started."

Answer 8

O.K, I've got one

if it wasn't for electricity we'd have to watch T.v by candlelight

get it
Another one:

Two men ar walking along and one falls down a hole
"are you all right?"
"Yes, but for some strange reason, there's milk in this hole"
"Is it Pasteurised?"
"No, its only up to my ankles"
!!!!!!

Answer 9

hahaha..this is like my favorite joke....
mickey and minnie were fighting too much so mickey told minnie that he wanted a divorce.....minnie was like, "ARE YOU f*cking CRAZY?!" mickey was like, "no...im f*cking daisy"

Answer 10

I've herd that Viagra is only available from chemists under its chemical name..

so please ask for mycoxafloppin.