has anyone else disowned their father and if so how do you feel as the months and years go by?

Question

i am daniel j's wife and i disowned my dad back in may for ruining my brothers life, he is also pervy and thick, loud, brash and controlling while at the same time never admitting hes in the wrong - he thinks everything he does is right. my brother puts up with this as dad thinks by giving him what he wants my brother will think hes great - more of a friend then a dad. He did the same when i was a teenager but he couldnt control me - i had no respect for him since i was 18 til i disowned him @ just 22 years old - i am grieving for the dad i never had and never will have as he wont change.

Answer 1

I disowned my father many years ago. He was abusive, perverted. He made our lives hell. He told me that because he didn't have a good childhood that I didn't deserve one either, I was 9 years old. My father died 3 years ago, a slow and painful death. I know in my heart that if I let my father in my life and my family, that he would have continued to be the same. I couldn't take that chance, because of my own children. I used to play the -what if game- but I don't regret it. I didn't hate him, I pity him, because of his ways he was never happy. And that wasn't my fault. Just because you share the same blood doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them. My advice is to save yourself. God Bless.

Answer 2

Im in a similar place right now but its my mother not my dad.To be honest i really dont care anymore and thats the truth.A friend said years ago wait till you have a family then she,ll come round, i had a son 7 yrs ago he was a novelty for a while then when he got to be a toddler and she had to run after him she lost interest she probably see,s him 4 or 5 tiimes a yr,never phones or asks for him,and that made me realise i really didnt want anything to do with her.I sometimes get upset well not upset but a bit jealous when i see the relationships friends have with theyre mothers and wonder why my own mother couldnt be like that.I suppose it,s true making a baby doesnt make you a good parent.

Answer 3

i disowned mine two years ago,because he was never a proper dad,and he was never there for me,he split from my mam when i was young,when i did contact him when i was in my late teens,i felt like the parent,he tried to be a friend rather than a dad,i spent a couple of years pining for the dad i never had,it really upset me,im not the type to cry unless im really hurting and i remember one day hysterically crying because i didn't have a 'proper' dad,someone i could go to for help and support.But at some point i accepted he was never the dad i should have had and i moved on,i don't cry anymore i pity him,i would hate for my kids to feel that way about me,i did the same with my mam because she was even worse.But now i look at my life and pat myself on the back because i did it myself against all the odds.Don't worry it does get easier,take care

Answer 4

I disowned my parents three years ago [ I am 22 now]. As far as I am concerned it was the best thing I have ever done. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. They are evil bastards who neglected , beat and refused to adequately provide for my needs both material and emotional. They were also verbally abusive and did everything they could to make me feel worthless , saying they wish they never had me and that I was a thorn in their flesh. The reason for this is that they regretted having children and cowardly saw fit to take it out on me and my sis. have never loved them nor do I have any positive feelings of warmth for them so I am not missing out on anything.

Answer 5

what do you mean by pervy...does he ogle other women or does he ogle you....explain? if he is not acting like a dad to you then don't act like a daughter t him, i met my dad when i was 36, i had a few good years with him, got to know my new family, but his wife put the blockers on it, she was having none of it, last time i saw him was 4 years ago, i travelled a good distance to see him, when i got there his home was empty, he'd moved without telling me...so i just left it as it was, he was never in my life as a child, and now he's walked again....so i put it down to being his loss because he has 3 brilliant grandsons and a beautiful 2 year old great grandson, if he was that interested in me, then despite what his wife said, he would have stayed in contact with me, it hurt me alot when he left his home, but i cant do anything about it, and i am certainly not gonna go looking, if you feel that you cant forgive your dad or be a daughter to him, then fine, keep it that way, but if i were you i would have words with him and tell him to bloody well grow up otherwise he's gonna lose you for good, once his bubble bursts and he falls back down to earth, then he will realise that he's got no one, i can imagine how you feel about the situation, because i too grieve for my dad, even tho he is not dead, i miss him, I'm not happy with him but i miss him...thing is, i don't have a problem with him, it's my mother (egg donor) who is the one i cant bare, she has hurt me and my kids so many times and betrayed us in so many ways, i cant even look at her, and i walk past her in the street like she is a total stranger, people tell me to forgive her, but she has done so much damage, i really cant find it in my heart to do this, it's ok for her to hurt me, i can handle that, but when she sh!ts on my kids, (her own grandsons) thats a different story...she's history, i call her the egg donor now because she is not worthy of having the title (mother) she's poisonous to the bone

Answer 6

I disassociated myself from the man who is my father when I was 18 (I'm 42 now). He abandoned my mother, brother, and I and did it through a letter 2 wks before he was to retire from the Air Force and join us where we were summering at my grandparent's home.

It was cowardly to end a 20+ year marriage through a letter. Even at that age I was old/mature enough to realize that relationships have endings...but the method he took was unforgivable and I've not had anything to do with him since then...and don't care if I never do.

Answer 7

I did when I was 16, hardly saw him, never talked to him since. He died this past spring and I'm just starting to go through the would've, should'ves and could'ves. I stoped talking to my dad becasue of a lot worse traits then it seems your dad has, i don't know how to answer your question. It's hard to sit next to your dad's body and learn all you ever wanted was to be daddy's little girl, maybe you could try talking to him like an adult one more time before it's too late.

Answer 8

I am 47 and disowned my father nearly 32 years ago. He was physically abusive to my mom, brothers, sister, and myself. He was also sexually abusive to children. I believe he suffered with mental illness that never was property treated; so he was out of control. He fried his brain with chemicals, such as paint thinner, and glues, this was something like a chemical induced psychosis and I believe he is also schizophrenic. I have forgiven him but have no contact with him.

Answer 9

i have never had the'father daughter' realtionship that so many go on about. I am 24 & mine was always drinking picking fights with my brothers & never being there. yet somehow my brothers can go on seeing him & I can't. although at times he is back letting them down yet again by his behaviour. we are now grown up? 30, 27, 24 yet we still have our 15yr old sister who is just seeing how he can be & how he can let you down. it has been about 3yrs since i spoke to him last & I am still wondering what that father daughter bond is really all about but at the sametime missing it strange i know. thing is i now have a daughter of my own & i don't want history repeating itself with her & her dad,which sadly it seems to be doing I want to change it but don't know how?

Answer 10

My dad was the worst... I disowned mine too and three years later he was terminally ill, i went to see him and that was the last I saw him before. I forgave him but my life is a mess becuase I had no father.

I have been there...You can't make them be who you need or want them to be. You gotta accept it and roll on..........just make sure your own kids DO have a father.

I'm there with ya..........I felt empowered by disowning him and walking away from him... i dont regret it.