Why do my own parents and many people from their generation selfishly say "I ALREADY RAISED MY KIDS!" when asked to babysit their own granchildren? I seem to recall many, many days, nights and vacations with my own grandparents. Obviously my parents had help. Are people really so selfish today that they don't even want to know their own grandchildren? Do they really see it as just a chore? Do you guys not realize that these are little people whom you are influencing one way or the other by your action or inactions? How is it going to make you feel when they grow up and want nothing to do with you because they don't even know who you are? This is your own flesh & blood we're talking about here. The legacy you leave when you're gone. Why can't you remember back to the days when you were raising us and remember that you needed help and you had help? Why can't you offer the same to us now?
Ok, sorry, a lot of questions. Looking for serious answers and opinions please.
2006-12-30 08:05:59 · 12 answers · asked by Pamela 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I thought this was just a problem within my own family but after talking to a lot of my friends it seems to be an epidemic. I have good children who are beautiful, smart, kind and loving. They are not brats. What is going on here? I do realize that people are living longer and are active much longer in life but why can't they include their grandkids in part of that? Why is no value placed on the sanity of the parents by offering a break on occasion and no value placed on spending time with the grandkids? Sorry so long. I just don't 'get it.'
2006-12-30 08:09:30 · update #1
Since you mentioned it....I did pay my own mother $100 + gas money (she live 30 miles away) to come spend the night at my house so that my husband and I could go to B&B for our anniversary. She still didn't want to do it by herself so dragged her best friend along then complained when we paid her a $100 bill instead of 2 $50's. I PERSONALLY THINK IT'S PATHETIC FOR GRANDPARENTS TO EVEN CONSIDER THIS A MONEY-MAKING OPPORTUNITY! My grandparents were never paid to watch us. It's just a part of familial duties and should be seen as an honor and a privilege. These answers are making me sick to my stomach. I'm sorry I asked.
2006-12-30 09:29:01 · update #2
My parents are in good health with no physical limitations to keep the children. They have plenty of time and energy to go do things they deem important. I don't understand why their own flesh & blood is not important to them.
2006-12-30 11:49:34 · update #3
Well, I don't really look at it like babysitting at all. My kids are their family. It's natural to want to include your family in your life, right? Just because they are children do you think they should be ostracized or looked at like a burden because they require a little more attention than an adult member of the family? I feel like it's a privilege because it's their legacy. They have a great opportunity to pass on their wisdom and influence the future representatives of their family. I just know that my greatest childhood memories are times spent at my grandmothers house. My own kids won't have that. It makes me sad for them because I know what they are missing but it makes me sad for my parents because I know what unconditional love and respect and joy they are missing out on by seeing my kids as a burden rather than a part of the family. Almost anything can be looked at as a chore. It's all in the attitude. I hate that grandparents these days have such a selfish attitude!
2006-12-31 10:26:17 · update #4
Bhitchy Princess..I was actually hoping to hear from some grandparents with intelligent answers. I have never pestered my parents to watch my kids. That's why when I do ask them I don't feel they should give me hell about it. I'm not a sorry-a$$ parent who will let just anyone keep her kids. The babysitters I trust to watch them are very expensive for 3 kids. I think it's pathetic that grandparents don't care enough for their own kids or their own grandkids to put their own agendas aside on occasion to make time for their FAMILY. What a selfish, pathetic world we live in today as is evidenced by your response. My grandparents were never paid. I have asked my parents & my grandmother. They certainly took advantage of their willingness & even DESIRE to keep us. They had plenty of adult time & even dates! God forbid we should be allowed those right?! Grandparents today are just coping out. We don't stop being their kids just because we're grown. They should still feel a sense of...
2006-12-31 11:32:45 · update #5
responsiblity to us whom they have brought into the world and a sense of responsibility to help influence & care for their grandkids. People are just ignorant if they believe we shouldn't expect anything else of our parents the day we turn 18. I don't expect to stop loving my kids & caring about their well-being when they're grown. You can be damn sure if one of my kids calls me up and tells me that he/she & the spouse needs a night to get away to reconnect then I would make sure I was available for that. You want to portray me as the selfish one when it's the grandparents who are. I keep in touch with my parents on an almost daily basis. I RARELY ask them for anything. It's a crying shame I have to put myself through hell & dread calling them when I need to ask them to watch their own grandchildren. If people don't want anything to do with their grandkids they should not have kids in the first place. It's unfair to all involved.
2006-12-31 11:37:45 · update #6
One thing I have realized is that alot of grandparents that doesn't spend enough time with their grandchildren will end up pushing their grandchildren to the side and as the grandchild grows older the grandchild will not have enough social bonding with their grandparents and as a result, when the grandparent wants to spend alot of time finally with the grandchild. The grandchild will not be able to know what to talk to grandparents about and how to act around them both phyically, emotionally and socially. Now as far as my parents with my children. My children spends the night every other weekend over there because they(the grandparents) want to spend time with them(my kids). And when they go over their, I always supply the grandparents with extra stuff that the kids can go through fast, like milk and other items and that is helpful for the grandparents. And I always do little things to show my appreciation to them for being their for the grandkids.
2006-12-30 11:50:16 · answer #1 · answered by Crystal A 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Why do my own parents and many people from their generation selfishly say "I ALREADY RAISED MY KIDS!"
*What do you call yourself. Throwing a hissy because you can't get a FREE babysitter!?!?
Are people really so selfish today that they don't even want to know their own grandchildren?
* Kids today are obnoxious. Why would you want to put your parents through that?
Why can't you remember back to the days when you were raising us and remember that you needed help and you had help? Why can't you offer the same to us now?
* Sounds like your throwing a tantrum because you can't get a free baby sitter.
I have good children who are beautiful, smart, kind and loving. They are not brats. What is going on here?
* That is a matter of opinion. Maybe your parents do not feel the same way about your kids that you do.
Why is no value placed on the sanity of the parents by offering a break on occasion and no value placed on spending time with the grandkids? Sorry so long. I just don't 'get it.'
* You probably never will. Your parents probably don't like being used at your whim.
I did pay my own mother $100 + gas money (she live 30 miles away) to come spend the night at my house so that my husband and I could go to B&B for our anniversary. She still didn't want to do it by herself so dragged her best friend along then complained when we paid her a $100 bill instead of 2 $50's. I PERSONALLY THINK IT'S PATHETIC FOR GRANDPARENTS TO EVEN CONSIDER THIS A MONEY-MAKING OPPORTUNITY!
* There you have it!!! She DID NOT WANT to babysit your kids
My grandparents were never paid to watch us.
* How do you know?
They have plenty of time and energy to go do things they deem important.
* How do you know how they feel? You don't wake up in their bodies every moring!
Hire a babysitter and quit harrassing your parents because they would like to enjoy life rather than be your on call babysitter.
UPDATE:
I believe you didn't need my help in portraying you as selfish, as you have done quiet well proving that all by yourself.
You came into a PUBLIC FORUM asking for peoples opinions. Did you really think people would tell you what you wanted to hear.
I must have hit a nerve and the truth stung a bit for you to address me directly. If you don't want a truthful painfully honest opinion then plain AND simple....DON'T ASK FOR IT, then attack others for giving simply what you requested.
Oh and P.S. HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours. My wish for you is maturity in the new year.
2006-12-31 10:32:13 · answer #2 · answered by BhitchyPrincess 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I have no grandkids as yet, but hopefully soon I will. My daughter wants to have 2 kids starting next yr if possible. She wants to get married first and get a little more secure and a bigger home. I am looking forward to having them around. I told her I would sit for(with) them while she works to help her out. Then I can tell them all the stuff she used to do...LOL Someone has to corrupt them properly...LOL. Other couples I know wish they could spend more time with grandkids. I can see not just imposing all the time if the grandparents are active with travel, etc. and they are entitled to lead their lives too, but we (my daughter and I) have an arrangement that if I want a day, week, month off from the kids. I will take it. Children should NOT assume that their parents should just always babysit their kids when they can't or don't want them around. I wanted to spend as much time with my child as I possibly could. Too bad I had to work and she HAD to be with a sitter for 8-10 hrs a day 6 days a week. (Same as her dad had to work long hrs. too) She knows I raised a good, decent, responsible adult in her and can do that with the grandkids too....minus a little more spoiling before I send them home. I'm glad she has confidence in my abilities.
2006-12-30 08:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am amazed by all of this. I have 4 grandchildren whom I spend a lot of time with but NO I do not "Babysit" them for free when I do get asked to "Babysit". Occasionally I do ask if they can spend nights over for special occasions but that is my choice and I do not expect pay. But being asked to babysit is different rather you chose to believe it or not. Why do kids these days expect their parents to drop their plans or change their routines & lives to watch grandchildren? Just because we are grandparents doesn't mean we should watch the children every time you need help or need a break etc... I only had my parents keep my children twice - with pay - during stays in the hospital. I took them for visit when it was convenient for my parents...because I respected my parents freedom & lives. I always called ahead to make sure it was convienent and if they were free to visit or ask when it would be a good day to visit. Plus They said as I say " I raised my children! I am not a built in babysitter!" This is my time now to enjoy my life. However I do spend more time with them when their parents are present as it is not place to deal with 4 children and "help" raise them or teach them my ways of right from wrong or question how my son and his wife chose to raise their children! When they want to go away or have plans they pay a sitter so if I was going to watch them then why shouldn't the grandparent be paid also? It has nothing to do with making money only the same courtesy you would show a common stranger who you would pay to babysit. If you can't handle the burdens of raising children as you make it out to sound then why did you have them? That was your choice - not your parents I think you are being very selfish in your views. Godbless the grandparents who take claim on their own rights to freedom in their lives and chose to not be strapped down helping raise grandchildren as long as they do take an active role in interacting with their grandchildren. You need to look at this situation from all sides.
2006-12-30 14:58:12 · answer #4 · answered by lil redneck 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Have you thought about asking the grandparents why they won't babysit? Perhaps they have a social life? Perhaps they have reasons of their own?
How often do you visit them or do they visit you? Or is it only when you ask them to babysit?
I have plenty of time before being a grandparent (not even a parent yet!), but I hope to be able to babysit my own grandkids as long as I am able and not busy with other things.
And, not every grandparent is like that, so please don't generalize. I know my mom is itching to be able to babysit a grandchild. My aunts love to babysit their grandchildren. Most people I know who are grandparents LOVE babysitting their kids.
2006-12-31 02:47:29 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mom of two small girls. My mom doesn't like to watch my kids because she is afraid. She is worried that they will do something that she can't handle. She feels like she is physically limited so she can't get the little one in and out of the crib or on the changing table. Plus, every time she is alone with my little one, the kid pukes all over. We have no idea why. I guess my point is that there are reasonable reasons for not wanting to watch kids.
2006-12-30 11:06:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that maybe they have other interest outside of your family. Maybe they spent years dedicated to the wants and needs of their family. They are not babysitters, they are your parents. You also have to understand that kids today are ALOT different than the previous generations. No one wants to think of their child as a "Brat". Maybe your kids are to much for them to handle. Maybe their health keeps them from being able to enjoy them. Maybe they want to see the grandchildren when it is convenient for them. You should talk with them and not be angry with their response.
2006-12-30 16:07:54 · answer #7 · answered by AngelWings 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak for all grandparents but I can speak for my grandkids.
I do not like watching my son's kids.
They are like little animals.
They whine, throw fits and do other inappropriate things with respect to their ages.
When I have mentioned to my son and his wife that we dont drink koolaid out of the pitcher, he said 'well they are just kids'
I dont like the way that they answer my phone (none of their business who is calling me, the correct way to answer MY phone is to say "HELLO"). When I have mentioned this to my son he says well they just want to let you know who it is.
when I tell my son I dont like ANYONE eating in my living room (that is what the kitchen is for) he says 'well they like to watch tv while they eat.'
I dont like back talking and when I go to correct it, my son informs me that they use "TIME OUT" to discipline kids these days (that is a whole other riff)
So, yes, I HAVE raised my kids and I did a whole lot better of a job then my son is doing because I stayed home and taught him some manners and how to respect a home, himself and other people. When I went to my grandmothers house, I followed her rules and if I didn't, I got spanked right on the spot and could look forward to another round when my parents came to pick me up. There was no questioning of me by my parents, If my grandmother said I back talked her, I got a spanking from my mom without further explanation on my part. NOT my son and his wife.........
My daughter in law will try to difuse the situation by saying 'well what she meant to say when she told you to shut up was that she was trying to watch tv while you were talking " or some other such nonsense
WTF
I will watch my grandkids when my son and his wife learn how to behave.
P.s. My son thinks that his kids are beautiful little angels too! I guess we all see what we want to see.
2006-12-30 08:22:51 · answer #8 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I can honestly tell you this is not a problem in my family. Our two grandson, ages 13 and 11, live with my husband and I, and have done sofor the last seven years.
We love having them!!!
2006-12-30 09:10:09 · answer #9 · answered by mom2all 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My parents never loaned me out...likewise we kept out kids as well..Now that we are near retirement we don't plan on being tied down with out grand kids... cruel we may be but that's how we see it... occasionally visits would be OK..but we will do the inviting..
2006-12-30 08:12:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋