School bully?

Question

If my 9 year old son got punched in the face by another 9 year old boy is it right that their teacher should make them shake hands?

I think its wrong that my son should have to reach his hand out and shake the hand of someone who is causing him so much upset....what do you all think?

Answer 1

Its a stupid thing teachers use because they think that at that age a handshake would completely solve the animosity between 2 boys.

Meanwhile, it basically forces the victim to submit to the bully, having to shake the had of his tormentor and pretend that everything is ok now.

Answer 2

It is hard to know the whole series of events that led up to the "bully" punching your son in the face. There could be a lot of history that would explain why he did it. Maybe your son did something to insult the other kid. Maybe your son even gave the kid a smack sometime before this.

But guess what, that doesn't matter at all.

However it was determined by the teacher that the "bully" hit your son, this is something that is current. If it happened in school the teacher has a responsibilty to take such a thing very seriously and the "bully" should have been sent to the school disciplinarian.

Had it been my son in the same situation, I would be at the school demanding explanations from The Principal on down, and if I didn't get satisfaction, I would likely involve the police. (not with the bully, with the school. This is clearly negligence at the very least.)

You can also bet dollars vs donuts I would be at the next public meeting of the local school board to publicly interrogate the school officials about their policy on physical abuse of students by other students.

It is a very good idea to stay in very close communication with your son about this. Make sure he knows he is in the right. Do NOT however express to much neagtivity about his teacher in his presence, he does still go to school there and it would serve no purpose.

Good Luck dealing with this, and I commend you on being an attentive parent who is in touch and concerned with what is happening in your childs life.

There are too few like you out there!

Answer 3

The teacher is wrong. No one has the right to punch someone in the face and get off scott free. I take the child wasn't punished for punching your son. I would make an appointment to see the head. Explain what happened and that you are not happy that your son was asked to shake his hand after the other childs behaviour. A decent head teacher will investigate and should punish unacceptable/bullying behaviour.

Answer 4

My husband and i have talked about this, our oldest though is 2 years old right now with a 10m/o and one on the way. We've talked extensivly about how we would handle a bullying situation but it doesn't say it would do much good come the time if it happens.
Basically all 3 kids will take martial arts not the crazy kick kind with body parts flying everywhere for a punch but it's a simple kind of self defense i just can't remember the name it begins with a J and not judo....anyway, we decided we'd tell our kids that if someone clearly come sup to them and punches them to act back in self defense. I don't think anyone should walk away from a bully that gives ground to other bullies to pick on the child or for the orginal bully to take his actions further and it's not fair.
Your son must learn very quickly to stand up for himself but only to act when he's being attacked, 9 years old or not.
I remember when i was in school we were made to shake hands with our bullies and it really didn't work, they would still come after you one way or the other.
I would suggest him taking up martial arts or self defense classes to boost his confidence and know how to react in such a circumstance.
Poor boy, i hope that kid leaves him alone. I haven't found a solution yet to bullying, it seems no matter what approach you take it's always wrong. And i'm terrified of my kids going to public school and being bullied, self defense seems like our only choice to teach the kids to give the bullies their just do's!
Good luck, i hope you find a solution it breaks my heart to hear of kids being bullied. At the same time though your son and that kid could wind up being the best of friends, it happened with my borther and his bully when they were 8, they're 18 now and inseperable lol

P.s: i like Autumns answer too ^^above^^

Answer 5

If it was just a playground spat the teacher did right, but if your son is getting this all the time take it farther. Is your son ok with this lad now, This happened to me 30 years ago and I am still good mates with the other lad (I think its a bloke thing)

Enrol him in a judo class and the next time someone takes a swing at him he will just throw him.(very good for self defence is judo)

sorry I keep adding but

I was bullied as a lad but luckily found that if you fight back they will stop it , maybe not the first time and you get a beating but once they know you will fight back they will look elsewhere for a victim, I love it now 25-30 years later being an avid weight trainer and judo player for years I'm twice the size of most my contemporaries, honest it is all about not being a victim and standing tall, I know from experience the pain of a fight is nothing to compare going to school afraid every day.

Answer 6

I think the teacher needs to first deal with the kid who acted out and find out why it happened. If the matter can be resolved to the point where the child who struck your kid can apologize, then a handshake might be the best way to go.

I don't know what led to the act of striking. I'm not saying it was justified, but nine year old's tend to lack a lot of global insight into such matters. Maybe an argument went to far, or maybe the kid is just a bully.

Either way the teacher should have determined the root cause and resolved that prior to suggesting a mutual handshake. If (s)he did - then maybe the handshake was appropriate.

Answer 7

i personally don't think the teacher should have done this. if it were my son who had been punched, i would be having words with the teacher about this, and expressing my concerns at his decision to make them shake hands. i'm sure u have already; but make sure your son knows that he is in no way responsible for this incident, and that u will always do your best to help him through any bullying. that way he should continue to confide in u if there are future incidents. have u thought about enrolling him in self defence classes ? i was bullied at school when i was a kid, and i always swore that no child of mine would go though what i went through. my son is 4 years old now, but as soon as he is 6, i will be enrolling him in a class. it not only teaches them self defence, but also self control and self respect & confidence. talk it through with your son, see how he feels about it.

Answer 8

There might be two sides to the story. However, the other boy should not have resorted to violence. My daughter goes to martial arts classes, she has been bullied...but not for long. She has the confidence to look after herself. We've always told her never to start a fight, but if one is started, she should finish it! And if the school is not happy then mum and dad will take care of that. Bullying does go on in a lot of school (most) and schools are not very good at dealing with it!
We've always told our daughter that no one, absolutely no one has the right to hurt her!

Answer 9

It might be somewhat insulting to the child but really i think the teacher should have sent the other child to the office or something. There should be a punishment for fighting.Teach your son to defend him self because it doesnt seem like the teacher is going to take much action in the future

Answer 10

The teacher is trying to get them to be friends or at least get along. Your son has nothing to lose by shaking hands. However, if the bullying continues, you need to take it to a higher authority. Notify the principal and even the Bd. of Ed.