my husband is a excommunicated jehova witness?

Question

my husband has been baptised, stuff happened and was excomunicated about 10 years ago. I guess in the religion those whom have been kicked out aren't allowed to be associated with, even if there blood relatives. Yes, his own mother won't even speak to him. He has come to terms with this, but I can't seem to understand how elders in the church can say to a mother "you can't speak to your son cause he fell off the path, for the rest of your life". People I need some scriptural help to come into defense for my husband, he lives a great life, doesn't smoke, lie, cheat, he's a very decent man. but it feels like he's been cheated out for a family. Now I have a baby on the way and she's starting to step in and wants to be a grandma but not see or speak to her own son??

Answer 1

JWs can be disciplined and even disfellowshipped just for smoking cigarettes! But he doesn't do that, and I'm not assuming he did anything really nasty because you are still with him, so that speaks volumes. What you are both up against are intimidation tactics. I've got Watchtower magazines here that spell out how to put pressure on those who don't toe the Society line. Getting blood relatives to refuse to speak to the 'offender', not inviting them to weddings, not holding a funeral for them, friends not even saying 'hello' to them in the street... the list is long and horrifying. Perhaps the worst 'trick' is to get a JW husband or wife to believe that their non-JW partner is "a spiritual threat", and that usually leads to separation, if not divorce. Of course, the JWs are oh, so careful to be seen to be "the believer", and always the injured party. It's always the fault of the non-beliver (i.e. non-JW) if a marriage cracks up, according to them. So you are right to be worried for the future of your growing little family unit.

I had a JW mother-in-law. You will need to be firm with her and not cave in under pressure. Politely tell her that once she treats her son as an adult and shows him the respect due to a grown man with his own family, you can treat her as a grandmother. But if she cannot be a decent mother, you have no hope of her being a decent grandmother. Invite her to come to your house for a meal, and if she has the courtesy to accept and to be civil, then welcome her. Always make it clear your door is open to her - it is she who is shutting the door in her son's face.

Your husband is being cheated only out of JW family and friends, and the way they seem to be treating him, he's better without them. He has you and your baby - your own family unit - and Jesus said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mat 19:4-6 Don't allow your mother-in-law to come between you and your husband.

Answer 2

As God’s people, we understand many things that we could not otherwise have known. We know the answers to questions that worldly-wise men have grappled with for millenniums. For example, we know why suffering exists, why people die, and why humans cannot achieve global peace and unity. We have also been blessed with a vision of what the future holds—the Kingdom of God, a paradise earth, and endless life in perfection. We have come to know Jehovah, the Supreme One. We have learned about his appealing personality along with what we must do to enjoy his blessing. Knowing the truth enables us to recognize what is not true. Applying the truth protects us from fruitless pursuits, enables us to get the best out of life, and gives us a marvelous hope for the future. 7 Do you understand Bible truth? If so, you have been richly blessed. When an author writes a book, he or she usually fashions it to appeal to a specific group of people. Some books are written for the highly educated, others for children, still others for those in specialized fields. While the Bible is easily available to all, it is meant to be understood and appreciated by a particular group of people. Jehovah crafted it for the humble, the meek ones of the earth. Such people can grasp the sense of the Bible, whatever their education, culture, station in life, or ethnic group. (1 Timothy 2:3, 4) On the other hand, an understanding of Bible truth is denied to those not rightly disposed, no matter how intelligent or educated they may be. The haughty, the proud, cannot grasp the precious truths of God’s Word. (Matthew 13:11-15; Luke 10:21; Acts 13:48) Only God could produce such a book. Jesus taught in homes and revisited homes where there was special interest. (Luke 10:38-42; John 12:1-3) He continues to do so till this day, not in person, but representatively by his footstep followers: “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”—Rev. 3:20.

Answer 3

If you had a basket of apples, and one of them goes bad, would you leave the bad apple so it could spread it's rottenness to the others? No, you would remove the bad apple to preserve the good ones. Similarly, that's what disfellowshipping does. It removes the sinner, or "bad apple", from the congregation in order to preserve it's spiritual cleanness. It's a kind of discipline nobody likes. But, believe it or not, is necessary in some cases. (Such as in the case of your husband.) (Hebrews 12:11) It's only done when the person that has commited the sin is unrepentant. A person with that kind of an attitude, shows that they are not willing to uphold Bible standards. Therefore, contact with that individual would want to be kept at a minimum. I'm sure you'd agree that we usually end up taking on certain qualities and actions of people we choose to associate with. Would a person striving to do what is right in God's eyes, really want to take on the kind of attitude being displayed by the wrongdoer? Of course not! Don't get me wrong, I don't know the circumstances that accompanied your husband's problem, so it wouldn't be fair for me to say that your husband, personally, has an attitude problem. But at the same time, we have an obligation to God to follow Bible principles. (1 Corinthians 5:11) Hope I've helped.

Rachel

Answer 4

Amanda, your plight brings tears to my eyes because I know what you and your husband are going through. You will see, from all the JW answers, how strongly they defend their position. Yet nothing they have said can possibly justify what they are doing.

I'm praying for you, your husband and your as yet unborn baby, that the Lord will touch you with his love, uplift and support you and protect you from the evil that is being done to you by people who claim to be Christians.

You asked for some scriptural help. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 on the meaning of love. That passage has helped me through some of the most difficult periods in my life. I pray it will help you, too.

Answer 5

It is taken very seriously to become baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. There are steps taken. It does not happen overnight. Your husband knew what he was doing when he got baptized. He knew what actions would result in being disfellowshipped. He knew what the effects would be on his family. He CHOSE that path anyways.

None of this situation is Grandma-to-be's fault. He brought this on everyone. Trust me. She does not like avoiding him. She loves him. She wants him to come to his senses and right the wrong he committed.

So,in addition, to keep her away from her grandchild will be even more hurtful to her.

I'm sorry you have to go through any of this.

Answer 6

First of all members are not banned from speaking from a disfellowshipped blood relative, however association should be minimized as much as possible if they are not under the same roof. But first, I will tell you some of the scriptural reasons of shunning/cutting off association applies and then what restrictions are there for disfellowshipped relatives.

1.Disfellowshipping /Excommunication and Disassociation all have scriptual grounds for cutting off association
In the early Christian congregation, unrepentant members were removed and cut-off from association for serious sins such immorality, drunkenness and apostasy. An example of this is after a man Corinth was unrepentantly immoral and The apostle Paul told the Corinthian Congregation to "...Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man..." (1 Corinthians 5:11-13)The same went for apostates, since the Bible states, "As for a man that promotes a sect, reject him after a first and a second admonition; knowing that such a man has been turned out of the way and is sinning..." (Titus 3:10, 11)
Also If a person deliberately diassociate themselves from the congregation they are also shunned and association is cut-off in relation to 1 John 2:18, 19:"They went out from us, but they were not of our sort; for if they had been of our sort, they would have remained with us. But they went out that it might be shown up that not all are of our sort."

2. What does this mean for Relatives?
Cutting off wrondoers will often affect family circles and can be very emotional at times but also will test the loyalty of the other family members to God. Even back in Bible times if an Israelite wrongdoer was executed, no family association was possible. In fact, if a son was a drunkard and a glutton, his parents were to bring him before the judges, and if he was unrepentant, the parents were to share in the just executing of him, 'to clear away what is bad from the midst of Israel.' (Deuteronomy 21:18-21).
However cutting off a wrongdoer, in the Christian congregation doesn't involve death so family ties will continue, however the association and dealings with other family members will differ depending if they're under the same roof or not. For example if an immediate relative lived under the same roof, then normal affections and dealings will persist. However if a relative lived outside the immediate family circle and home, then it may be possible to have almost no contact with this one. If communication is necessary, this will have to be kept to a minimum. This is a necessary procedure to follow the divine principle in 1 Cor 5:11 mentioned earlier to "quit mixing "with anyone who committed a serious sin.

But I hope you guys can work out your differences, but you have to understand that his mother is standing up for scriptural principles to maintain her loyalty to God.

Answer 7

Let me start by saying I am sorry about your dilemma. As some JW's have already stated being a witness is a great responsibility and is not taken light by any true servants of Jehovah. We try to adhere to all the Bibles teachings, but we are all weak and sin. There was only one perfect faithful man and that was Jesus Christ the Son of God. All we can do is try to follow the examples He left for us in Gods Word the Bible.

We also have a disfellowed family member; my brother-in-law was actually disfellowedship twice now. The first time he commented gross sin he took the steps to correct his error. After a few months he was reinstated in the congregation. It took hard work on his part and ours. The situation was not easy for anyone. When he broke his relationship with God it affected us all. We stopped hanging-out, going to the movies, and spending time together as a family. It all ended not because the congregation told us too, but because God commended us too. (1 Peter 1:14-16)  As obedient children, quit being fashioned according to the desires you formerly had in your ignorance,  but, in accord with the Holy One who called you, do you also become holy yourselves in all [your] conduct,  because it is written: “You must be holy, because I am holy."

My brother-in-law knew we still loved and cared about him, and he was well aware of the scriptures. He didn't take his discipline in a negative way, but as a loving reproof from Jehovah God. We did not completely cut ties with him, but did limit our association to necessities. After he corrected and atoned for his actions he was welcomed back to the congregation with joyful open arms.
He is now again under discipline (for the same sin); we're praying for him.

I'm positive that if your husband wanted to he could take the necessary step to correct the situation. As your family head, he is responsibly for the spirituality of the family.
Jehovah is ready to forgive, all we have to do is ask.
(Luke 15:7)  I tell you that thus there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner that repents than over ninety-nine righteous ones who have no need of repentance.
(1 John 1:9)  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous so as to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
(Isaiah 55:7)  Let the wicked man leave his way, and the harmful man his thoughts; and let him return to Jehovah, who will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will forgive in a large way.

Just to let you know, our Watchtower lession for this week discusses this very topic, Nov 15, 2006 issue. Hopefully, if you read this message early you could try to attend today's meeting at your local Kingdom Hall. Or at least try to get the magazine and read the article, "Always Accept Jehovah's Discipline."
I pray that your family resolves this problem and experience the joys and blessings that Jehovah has to offer. If you would like to talk e-mail me, I'ld be happy to answer any questions you have.

Answer 8

In my opinion, if she wants to participate in the life of her grandchild, it should involve the father, (your husband and her son) from the beginning. It either all or none. To have her involved half way can may cause strife between your husband and you later on.... You married your husband, not his mother.

Try explaining it to her on her terms citing passages involving family.

You don't mention if you belong to a church. If you do, seek guidance from your pastor. Speak with your spouse. This is not a decision to be made by you alone.

Not an easy place but your in my thoughts.
Best of wishes.

Answer 9

Shunning is probably the ultimate rejection of someone as a person and maybe the cruelest mental, emotional, and psychologically devastating thing that can happen. Shunning has a long history as a means of organisational influence and control. I feel for your husband. I was disfellowshipped in 1997 and I lost all contact with my sister. After I moved out of my parents home I lost all contact with my mother. And it was as I stated above psychologically devastating. I have mental health issues now that can only be attributed to that. I had my first child in 2002 and in order for me to be able to have a relationship with my mother and sister I got reinstated in 2003. I went to the meetings until about a year ago I asked myself if I was going for myself or to please my mother. Needless to say I quit attending meetings and associating with the congregation here. I think it's horrible how they treat disfellowshipped people. I think that your mother-in-law doesn't deserve to have a relationship with your baby if she can't be civil enough to have a relationship with her own son.

Answer 10

Disfellowshipped JW
1982 Corning, CA Congregation
For cause, but not the ones some ex-JWs who want to put themselves on a pedestal, want you to believe, and know you will without question.

Christ did say, in every Bible, that he came to divide. The Apostle Paul says in every Bible to keep the congregation clean and above reproach. Are both un-Christian attitudes.

I talk to my mother most every day, but I don't condemn her choices and religion. From experience, I find that only those who do that get cut off. Otherwise, it is without purpose, as it is important to bring people back into the truth.

You didn't say why he was disfellowshipped. Most cases are like mine, too much sex with someone not married to. Actually, I guess that would be any sex.

I get frequent messages from witnesses on here asking for me to return. Unfortunately, to this I have to make reference to some comments made by Jane Fonda while on the Tonight Show with Charlton Heston. She talked about how many movie stars, like herself, only hire JWs as personal employees, like maids, gardeners, drivers, etc. because they can't be bought for private info about their employers, though they will also refuse to work for someone who is doing anything illegal, such as using illegal drugs.

Heston asked her why she didn't become one since she liked them so much? To this she said that she couldn't see herself living so close to the teachings of Christ like they do, and neither could he (Heston).